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Monday, 27 May 2013

Self-doubt killed more dreams than failure ever did

Indulge me one more time, while talk once more of this self doubt that's plaguing me at the moment. I will resume focus on the big wide world shortly, but there seems to be a lot of it about at the moment, so I figure I'll get it off my chest and maybe give someone else a lift in process.

I wrote in a panic my feelings of self doubt and insecurity prior to attending the blogging workshop. Coincidently there were 2 other posts that day on similar feelings. After the workshop, very successful blogger, Interiors Addict,  wrote about her self doubt; she'd been a panellist, and had appeared super confident. She had alluded to it during the masterclass, but I assumed that was to make us small fry feel better about ourselves. Her surprising post blew me away!

So why is our perception so different to how we are perceived?

And can we ever change that?

It reared it's head for me again (thus the self-indulgent post), when I won the session with Tweaky.com in the google analytics webinar, kindly put on by Nuffnang (if you missed, it was brilliant and now on utube!). To win you needed to come up with the strangest search terms to find your blog - so it was a no brainer I'd win. (Please people, said in a George Costanza voice). I was over the moon, as I really have no idea of all the things I could be using the analytics for.

Then about two hours later it hit me. I don't want them looking at my stats! They were talking in the 1000 views per day, and I'm not really in that league! Even I can see that it's ridiculous to be worried about it, and yet I am. I feel I should apologise for wasting his time...It's actually making me feel a little sick.

While travelling around The Lounge that night,  I saw a saying on a travel blog, (suitcases & sippycups I think): Self-doubt killed more dreams than failure ever did. At the blogging workshop, I learned that I would have self doubt but to just keep writing through that. So with a new mantra, I will try to hold my head high and remember the point is to get the most out of the session, not worry about what people think of me.

If I keep saying this stuff out loud (to the webworld), I'm hoping I'll start to believe it. If nothing else, it commits me to a course of action. Once I hit publish there's no backing out of it.

I will finish with that lovely saying of Maya Angelou and as an aside to those that did do the webinar, I've been eating dumplings for lunch every day since!

As Maya Angelou said "If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be."


Thanks for your patience, we'll start solving the problems of the world next week and stop talking ME, ME, ME endlessly. Also First of the Month fiction is back up this Friday!

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT! Swing by and see what everyone else is discussing...


37 comments:

  1. I have had very similar feelings, and also wrote a post on it a couple of months ago (about perception). But something that my father in law said to me still resonates with me, and basically boils down to living in the moment. I now do care less what people think of me, if they want to be around me, they will make the effort, as will I.

    They are not going to care about your blog stats, they have seen it all before. Be proud of your blog, and they will see that love. #teamIBOT

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    1. Yes, it's idiotic that I think they'll care...

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  2. Self doubt is one f the biggest battles I face these days. The bigger the dreams I have the more I worry I am kidding myself that I can make them happen xxx

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    1. But you will. Or something better even...

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  3. I quite like me, me, me posts. It gives me insight into how others are feeling and usually (just like with this post) I really gel with the writer. I personally love to know that there are others out there having similar issues to me. It makes me feel a little safer, saner and that we can overcome some of these things if we just give it a try.
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

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    1. Kind words - but don't encourage me, it'll end up a public therapy session (I really must stop reading Entanglement!) ;)

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  4. I totally get what you are saying in this post - because I feel the same !!!!!
    What a great quote to end with - I love it !
    Have the best day !
    Me

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    1. I love that quote too - she's a smart cookie!

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  5. Self doubt sucks doesn't it? I struggle with it a lot, I can physically sit back and watch it trying to creep in, if I let it I feel weak, and I hate that feeling. Sometimes I think people overblow things to sound successful. I would like to know how many people do get 1,000 hits a day. I'm sure it happens but it may not be so much of the norm as we I imagine. I'm really glad you r resolving to find more inner confidence, I'm with you. I'll do that too, kimx

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    1. You'll be able to wave it in my face if I become arrogant down the track...hehehe

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  7. I love love love that quote - and self doubt is one of my biggest battles, daily, also. A pertinent post for me to read today. I'm off to a job interview in a couple of hours. Self doubt killed more dreams than failure ever did … a much more elegant way of saying my usual mantra - 'FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT'. Its crude, but efficient. Be that bold person on the outside, and it becomes you eventually. And you should be proud of your blog - bugger the stats. It's about a loyal following, and a creative niche and great writing. You have all of that in spades. Hold your head high. x

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    1. Kind words again (I'm smiling reading all these). Soooo did you get it? Where are we reading you next?

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  8. Self doubt is always lingering. But also totally normal too. I love the quote you ended on, because it is so true and so honest. Don't beat yourself up. Stats totally suck! If you blog from your heart, you love it, then that is all that matters x

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    1. Yes, I need to work out what I'm actually trying to do - cos maybe the stats don't matter at all...

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  9. Self-doubt will always be there every now and then, just sometimes feels like it will never disappear. I always like to think that if I try, I'm not failing, I'm learning. I only have myself to be accountable to, no-one else. It helps me. x

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    1. Good way to think about it - and yes, it's really only me that I need to please

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  10. Oh me and self doubt know each other very, very well! In fact I have written many posts on the very subject. I have learnt a new skill. I tell self-doubt to "shut up and buggar off". I used to believe self doubt and back down but now I am learning to speak back. Don't worry about your stats - everyone started somewhere! Min xo

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    1. Working on believing the "shut up"!

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  11. What a great saying! Self doubt really is at the core of stopping dreams! I get worried about blogging things too, but I started to realise that what people lead you to believe isn't always the true story!

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    1. Now that sounds like a story for me to hear...;)

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  12. Eeek - I'd freak out about showing them my stats too! :)
    In all seriousness, self doubt is something I struggle with too. I don't know many people who don't have their moments of doubt. I love the quote too - I've knocked way more things on the head myself than I've had ideas rejected!

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    1. Your choose your own adventure made me think I should pick the opposite of what I would normally do (I actually am George Costanza)

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  13. Ah, my old friend, self-doubt! I've definitely had major bouts of it through my life. The problem was I didn't really realise how detrimental it was to my self-esteem. Now, being a little older, I see it for what it is. Still bloody hard to resolve it. But at least, as they say, you've solved half the problem once you've identified what it is.

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    1. I am with you there! I am working on ignoring it

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  14. self doubt seems to get around - but perseverance needs to win the battle ;)
    i struggle with the perception thing all the time - i'm not sure there is an answer...
    and I am so excited about First of the Month fiction! yay!!

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  15. Yay! Your tag line just made my night!!!!! :)

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  16. Self doubt is such a weird creature isn't it! Ip remember feeling the same things you talked about before I went to DPCON13 and it was so strange to realise that I wasn't alone in those feelings and that some of the most confident seeming people in the room had been feeling much the same as I had. I have always been a fan of faking it till you make it though, and I always hope that if I try hard enough to project confidence then I might actually start to feel confident too! Doesn't always work but its definitely a start!

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    1. Nice of you to swing by, given I'm black-listed from your blog! Must have left a bad comment once and that's it, I'm off the list! ;)

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  17. I get this. I have moments of self doubt ALL THE TIME. Then I have moments of calm confidence. I'm a walking contradiction. But I honestly believe that character is built in the moments when you don't feel awesome, not the moments that you do xxx

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    1. Someone (and I'm sorry who, I need to write this stuff down) - used a Hemingway quote this week that is a little like what you're saying, but with Hemingways slant:"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills."

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  18. I love the title of this post - so very true.

    BTW, I also believe in writing out your feelings, however self-indulgent you may think they are. For me that's the only way you can get clarity of purpose and direction. In the end you need to write what you need to write not what you think other people want you to write. That's what I think, anyway...

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    1. That was the gist of Voices of 2013 too - so you must be right!

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  19. You know Lydia, I think every has self doubt, I do every day, I suppose it's just a matter of keeping them in check and realising that what is the worst thing that can happen from putting ourselves out there?! BTW - congrats on win! Em x

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    1. Thanks! I'm sorting it out today - so suddenly I'll be writing posts on what's landing people to my blog (who knew you could do that? Probably all of you...)

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  20. I am filled with self doubt in so many areas of my life right now that I feel I am spinning out of control. It's always nice to hear that we are not alone.
    Congrats on your win xx

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  21. I don't know if winning for being the weirdest is actually a WIN but Thanks! ;)
    And I hope you can put more focus on the dreams and shut that hideous self doubt down!!

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