Follow by email:

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Love

When you have kids, people tell you that you love them so much it hurts, and you never really understand that until it does. They are hurt by a mean friend, they are disappointed in how they fared in the sports carnival, they didn't get the part in the school play. Whatever it is, it's just life but you ache for them, physically in your chest. You want to make it better for them but there is nothing you can do.

My son is not the elite swimmer but he jumps in at the carnival every time to give it a shot. He was told he could do the relay then bumped at the last minute. I get it, but to see him sitting on the stairs of the grandstand, so despondent just broke my heart. Two little boys with glum faces came over and announced they too, were kicked off the team. Bad mama that I am delighted in their misfortune and said gleefully "Well, at least it wasn't just one of you! You're all together so it's okay". (New parents, here's your warning now, never follow any of my parenting advice. There are no awards coming this way anytime soon).

Later a friend rang to see if my son could come over and I mentioned I'd promised him a treat as he was so upset(and in madness they'd banned going to the kiosk to buy slushies) and she replied "He's not upset. They just had the novelty events and he's laughing and they're complaining that none of their friends try out for anything".

Once the wave of relief had washed over me, my eyes brimmed with tears. What I love so much about this boy is that he never doubts himself (even if consistent lack of ability speaks otherwise) and whatever disappointment is dealt, he moves on quickly. Far greater resilience than his mother, he is a happy young man, and this will take him far.

I hope the teen years don't crush this out of him, because resilience and a cheery nature will take you much further than brains or brawn ever will. Mary Pickford said “Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call "Failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.” To do so with genuine happiness, is the definition of a successful life in my book.

I love him more than I ever would have believed, as do all parents of their own children, but I don't think you really grasp that until those moments when the pain they cause you is not from what they do, but what is out of your control to change. In the same respect, we are so proud of them when they excel or behave in a kind, mature way but most of all, when they are a better person than ourselves.

An ode to my darling, much loved boy.

Linking up with Kirsty for I Must Confess

                                     
 

31 comments:

  1. I got goosebumps reading this post because I totally get it ! What a great quote from Mary Pickford - thank you so much for sharing. If only more people believed that about themselves.
    Have the best day !
    Me

    ReplyDelete
  2. So it looks like your blog comments dislike me as much as mine dislikes you! Trying again. Now what was it I just said?

    Sounds like you are raising a wonderful young man there. Sending you both lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses, thanks for joining in with #thankfulthursday

    ReplyDelete
  3. My eldest son just started school and I have had so many mixed feelings in the last few weeks, your post summed up so much for me. What a great quote.

    ReplyDelete
  4. They do see the world through different eyes than us and their resilience is what makes them so special. I laughed at your side note about not following your parenting advice, I'm the same - my kids get me but I'm sure my approach would horrify most normal children! Or are we the normal ones and everyone else is crazy? I'm running with the latter lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Lydia what an amazing little boy your son sounds like, don't sell yourself short because that resilience he has he's learned from watching those he loves, including his mama I'm sure :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a lovely story Lydia! I dread those days when my little boy will experience this kind of disappointment. I hope he grows up to be as resilient as your little man.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is just beautiful, Lydia, and a great insight into what lies ahead for us parents of younger children. I think I will be living every heartbreaking moment with them and probably even feeling it more so! Just loved this. Enjoy your evening and weekend with your darling little boy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very beautiful piece. I feel so sad for Lil Pumpkin sometimes when she says "nobody wants to play with me" at the playground or when some kids ignore her.. but she always seems to bounce right back up and not let it affect her for a next visit. Kids are so amazing this way xo

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    ReplyDelete
  9. What a lovely post. And its totally right that feeling in your chest...you can't explain it till you got it. It is amazing how much you can love such a little person :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is gorgeous. A lovely reminder that love comes in all different shapes and sizes that have nothing to do with flowers and chocolates.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Cuddling my little guy last night, I totally felt that 'hurt'. I think I may have squeezed him a little too hard too! Lovely reminder in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What a beautiful tribute Lydia! Yes the love of a child compares to nothing else. Thanks for linking up! http://mylittlesunshinehouse.com xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. "you really grasp that until those moments when the pain they cause you is not from what they do, but what is out of your control to change." So true. So very true!

    ReplyDelete
  14. There really is nothing that compares to the love you feel for you children. It really is like wearing your heart on your sleeve.

    ReplyDelete
  15. So gorgeous. I know the heartbreak you speak of. Like when my sons best friend tells him he no longer likes him and runs off with his new best friend. My heart breaks. But my son he just happily plays alone, water of a ducks back. I think how your son has grown to be is a testament to how he has been brought up Safe and secure, nurturing resilience.

    ReplyDelete
  16. What a lovely story of that heart-achy love for our kids. Dealing with those 'out of control' things at the moment with our daughter and offering up my right arm for her resilience.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a lovely tale. Kids are generally so resilient - I hope it sticks with them. x

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh my goodness, I was hanging onto every word of this -with two boys of my own, I get it, I really get this. It seems that everything they feel I sympathetically feel too - but somehow much more intensified! Sounds like you are raising one awesome young man there, thank you for linking up to #convocoffee Josefa xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. My daughter has just started being VERY hard on herself when she makes a mistake and it kills me! Eg one mistake in her writing and she rips up the whole page! ARGHHH. Resilience and persistence and 2 of the 3 keywords at her school, love them. Em

    ReplyDelete
  20. I love this post about your boy. I have a huge (working on it in therapy huge) fear of failure and I hope that it's not something that I subconsciously pass onto Dyllan. I would hate to see him crippled in so many areas the way I am.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are working on it (aware of it), you won't pass it one (but your fear of passing it on is symptomatic) Catch-22....

      Delete
  21. Love this and agree with every word. I think that as parents it's very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you just want your children to be happy, but realistically it isn't possible to be happy all the time. I'm really trying to teach my boys resilience. Mr 5 often tells me "I'm not happy" and I say "It's ok, nobody is happy all the time. You'll be happy again later." Not sure if I'm going about it the right way, but considering my own battles with anxiety and depression, I'm just trying to teach him that negative emotions come and go. As you say, it's so hard when you love them so much.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I feel that kind of love towards my little brother. He's not my son, but I often feel as he is because the parent-kid roles are a bit confused and exchanged in our family. I wish I could limit my love and caring towards him, but I can't!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Gosh I feel the same with my kids Lydia - it hurts SO much sometimes to see them in pain. But on the other hand, I'm so proud when I see them bounce back and move forward. Lovely post full of love Lydia!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Let's hope his resilience gets him through life obstacles! I hope to have that same sense of love one day! I know how much I love and cherish my niece and nephews, I can't imagine how it must feel to have one of my own!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Loved this then and love it now.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love that quote by Mary Pickford. Having a 20 y.o. and a 17 y.o., I can also tell you that they can break your heart :-(

    ReplyDelete
  27. Lovely post and i raised a teen my boy turned into a wonderful man of 21 in March so proud. I new i did something right with him lol. There are times we don't see eye to eye and fight here and there yes my son drives me bonkers then when he doesn't call me for weeks on end i cry . Love is precious and all things too :-)

    ReplyDelete
  28. I love this Lydia. It's amazing when you see such incredible qualities in your kid, and your heart just swells with a pride you never even knew that you had.
    Hope it stays with him for life. xx

    ReplyDelete