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Monday, 3 March 2014

What I learnt from Her

This is an interesting film, with lots of ideas in it, wrapped up as a love story of sorts.
There are no spoilers below, it's purely looking at the nuggets of truth to human existence.

1. There is a line "What makes me 'me', is my ability to learn & grow through my experiences. So I'm constantly evolving." I find this line worth remembering, that we aren't static, and we need to remember that when we judge ourselves and others. I did that 'which philosopher are you?' quiz (I know, I'm so deep) and got Foucault with the description "You find it hard to self-define, as you believe that you’re always changing. You don’t believe that power is possessed by individuals, but instead think power is an action that individuals can engage in." Uncanny in its similarity, I do actually believe this, but sometimes it's hard to remember this in dealings with others. It is worth working towards, as there is no surer way to eliminate regret. "None of us are the same as we were a moment ago & we shouldn't try to be" (Don't tell me you can't learn anything from dime store philosophy...)

2. I've touched on this in other posts, but this is said in this film with clarity, when describing why a relationship failed. He admits  he "Hid myself from her, and left her alone in the relationship". We have a tendency, especially when under stress, to get caught up in our own stuff, and shut the other person out. However, as understanding as the other person may be, eventually they will leave, if left alone in the relationship for too long. So make sure you throw a life line to your partner from time to time, when going through difficult times.

3. "How do you share your life with someone?" This is something we take for granted, but it's something we need to put a lot of thought into. We assume we are doing it just by being physically there; we get married (or live together) and it's assumed that we are sharing our life. However, a lot of thought needs to be put into how to make that work so that both partners are happy and fulfilled. "How do you grow without growing apart? How do we change without scaring the other person?" I don't have all the answers but I've been pondering this for awhile, since seeing the film.

4. In a nutshell, some sage advice "Your always going to disappoint someone, so fuck it" Just do it anyway.

5. Closely linked with the above statement is "We're only here briefly, so while I'm here I want to allow myself joy". Not advocating affairs or reckless disregard for the feelings of others, but if there's something you long to try or do, make it happen. Stop worrying about what others think, and at least give it a go. Be it what you wear, trying a career change or a crazy hobby.

The movie shows a number of different viewpoints on love - one being the looking for a selfish fix "Looking for something to fill this tiny hole in my heart, but it probably won't" and the other more expansive view "The heart's not like a box that gets filled up, it expands in size the more you love & are loved"

       (image credit: Wikipedia Commons: aphrodite-in-nyc from new york city)

As many of you will know, I am a huge fan of M. T Anderson's book Feed - he looks at the way our constant connectedness with social media isn't actually a panacea for loneliness. It is a refrain that is coming up more and more, as we are becoming engaged in the internet for longer periods of the day. It's a false connection. This movie spends a lot of time in visual form, showing the isolation of the people connected to the internet (and variation). There is a lack of real human connection. He lives in a big city, with lots of glass, but rarely really engages with actual people. Partly, because it is easier. "You always wanted a wife without having to deal with any real emotions" and "The past is just a story we tell ourselves." Without real interaction, we can make the cyber world and relationships how we want them to be, not reflective of how we really are. I'm not saying we lie, but there is a confidence that the safety buffer encourages, which I think is ultimately to our own detriment.

So I will not be buying google glass anytime soon, and I will continue to try and put away my phone for certain periods of the day.
Her is a very interesting film, and  well made with great performances, but it did also weird me out a little, where I just didn't know what I thought of things. However it left me thinking, and that has to be a good thing.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT


17 comments:

  1. It sounds like a really interesting film. I particularly like your fourth and fifth points. The fifth is something I need to remind myself about daily and several times a day.

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    1. It's funny how so many of us don't just do it. I wonder why not? I still struggle to tell people that I blog, that I want to be a writer - and if we aren't our own champions, how can we seriously expect anyone else to be?

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  2. Gosh, there is a heap of really great life advice here! I am guilty of leaving my husband alone in our relationship. We've had so much on our plates lately, and we have both been stressed, but stressing separately, not together. Not talking. Really must change that, because when things go to shit, it's nice to have someone in your corner. I seriously need to leave my phone in my purse when home. I don't need it, but it is like an extension of me. Going to try really hard. Just for a day. then a week. See how I go!

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    1. I think we are all guilty of it. We just forget. I am (was) quite addicted to my phone. I now leave it in the kitchen in the evening and try not to look at it when with my partner.

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  3. Sounds really interesting, something after reading this thoughtful review, I think I want to see. Doing my best to stay on my personal inner track with #5. So important not to live or not live our lives for others or what they may think. Are you considering participating in an Unplugging Day this week?

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    1. You will see the movie quite differently, as I haven't touched on the story at all. But it is interesting and I really liked Amy Adams in it.
      As for Unplugging Day, I didn't even know it was on. I'm a little behind in my writing (overdue article) but if I can get it done, then I will try. What day?

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  4. I'm gonna have to see this film, I'd not heard of it until now but your review alone is enough to make me really wanna see it. #5 is what I am focusing on this year, through exercise and career. Been immersed in tafe the last couple of days and it's been brilliant! Definitely wish I'd taken the plunge sooner. #teamIBOT

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    1. Good for you re tafe - that is exciting!!

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  5. I was reading about this film the other day Lydia, and thought it's probably one that I'd like to see.
    # 4 & # 5 YES!!!

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  6. I've not heard of this movie, so clearly I am living under a rock.
    Lot's of good stuff here. I'd so love to sit and have a coffee and a good chat with you one day

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    1. I'd love that too - but even with your move we're still a long plane ride away...maybe next years blogging conference...

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  7. The statement - We're only here briefly, so while I'm here I want to allow myself joy - is really working for me right now. Even if I am laying on the couch when I should be doing something, anything else :)

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    1. I really liked that line. It's funny we're often the ones that stop that for ourselves.

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  8. I've heard good things about this movie so I think I might bite the bullet and just go and see it. I love reading your break downs of the movies you see, they give much more insight that most others do.

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  9. I only heard of this film today and then I find your review! Some of the things you have said really resonate with me, perhaps time to get myself to watch a movie that isn't G rated xx

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  10. I also love point 5. It takes courage to make a change or give something a try. And the bit about putting your phone down for a while - difficult but rewarding!

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