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Monday, 2 March 2015

Whatever the f*ck you do...

In a careless remark, a friend referred to my blog as 'whatever the f*ck you do'. At the time I ignored it because I don't think she realised quite how offensive she was being. For some reason, people seem to have an issue with blogs. The media pushes the mummy blogger as an insult agenda and the whole world jumps on board, whether they have even bothered to look at your work. People think it's okay to say it.

The same person, when trying to take an 'interest' one day asked "So do people actually read blogs?" Well, yes. Even my tiny readership has clocked in over 100 thousand views (just not her), so I can only imagine the successful bloggers are breaking the 100 million figure...So yes, people read blogs.

Here's the thing. If I know the company you work for, and happily listen to you vent about work, don't dismiss my blog. I work very hard each day and I'm proud of what I do.

If I bother to remember the names of your kids and ask how they are going at school, then maybe take a look at my blogs before you diss them. One of the posts has been translated into another language, many featured in magazines and I have written a story that beat out hundreds of others to be published in a book. I'm very proud of my work and getting better at it day by day.

As I am at risk of editorial rejection almost daily, I really don't need it from someone who should be cheering in my corner.

I don't expect my friends to read every post. I don't even really expect them to read it at all. I am certainly thrilled when they do, but I understand it isn't for everybody and people are busy. However, that doesn't mean I am not insulted when you belittle it, and if you don't read it, you have no right at all to criticise it.

If you deal with work emails in my company, don't be annoyed if I tweet at an event. Those foodie people are part of who I promote myself to. Maybe try to understand something about what I do. That's what true friends do, if they care about each other.

As the old adage goes, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Does anyone else get criticism from friends and relatives? How do you respond?

Linking up with the crew for #WeekendRewind

24 comments:

  1. Oh hear hear! Well said!! Yes I have a friend who dismisses it at every opportunity and has been anything but supportive on several aspects of life. I let it all slide because frankly- it's too hurtful and to confront it would be huge. Instead I have just backed away from the friendship.

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    1. The friendship is important to me (though sometimes a little one sided, obviously) so I don't want to do that. But I do wonder why people think it's okay to be so rude. They wouldn't tell you that you look ugly or didn't want to hear about your kids drama at school, even if they weren't interested...it's strange.

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  2. Absolutely you should be proud Lydia! It's only in recent months that friends and family have begun reading my blog and taking what I do seriously. It is hurtful when those, like you say - who should be cheering in your corner, are dismissive. Anyway, know you are appreciated and very talented. x

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  3. I couldn't agree more, so far I've had nothing but nice comments but I'm sure there are those that fall in to the 'if you don't have anything nice to say about it' column, but they are mindful enough not to tell me their honest POV!

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  4. Lydia! Yes! I have been in a similar situation recently. I had a terrible fight with an old friend recently. Our friendship has been on the rocks for years for whatever reason. I asked her why she had never read my blog. Her reply was, 'I'm not going to read your f@#cking blog. If you have something to share with me pick up the f@#cking phone and tell me'. I was left reeling and hurt. Like you, I don't expect my friends to read every post of mine, but it would be nice if they recognised how much hard work I put into my blog, that writing is my passion and my dream. It's not a journal to keep my friends up to date with my life, it's a space where I can stretch my writing legs, create and interact with people. As you say, true friends should take an interest in what you do. Try to put this friend's comments behind you, Lydia. That's what I'm doing with mine xx

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  5. I had someone ask if I had a real job - or in almost exact words, do you do anything else than instagram and facebook? I was a little bit dumbfounded and wanted to say, yes, I graduated with a bachelor of IT with distinction and even though I only work part time I do have a real job! Even if I was a blogger and mummy, that would still be a full time job!

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  6. Does anyone wonder if the male bloggers get these comments? (any male bloggers passing by, please weigh in)

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    1. Good question. They certainly don't get dismissed as "mummy bloggers".

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  7. You have made me feel good about my blogging Lydia. I thought it was just my friends. Some have never read my blog, some have skimmed and others read but when we are out for coffee or catch up... Nothing... It's like they think I just sit and play in my computer

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  8. Hear hear!

    I think for many people who work from home, it is hard for others to conceptualise what we do - especiallly when it's online. But that doesn't justify a dismissive attitude and it's worth calling people on it. And educating them.

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  9. There is no room in my life for people who are supposed to love me the most to shun something that I not only "do" but something I "love". I'm open to criticism - sure we can all improve and work to right our wrongs. But when something isn't wrong, it is indeed so very very right - then all I need is support and high-five's ;)

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  10. I think I drove a couple of my friends crazy with my constant photo snapping, when we went on our cruise in December. But hey, they are just gonna have to live with it - it's part of who I am :-)

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  11. Forgot to say ... visiting from #teamIBOT. And as you say, if they were real friends they would at least show a teensy bit of interest ...

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  12. Was trying to ready your Grieve story but couldn' t figure how to unless I bought the whole book.

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    1. P.S I read but to time poor to usually comment, bad person!

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  13. I have a pretty supportive group of friends who pushed me to start my blog last year. They read and comment but there are some people on the periphery who make judgements and ask why I bother when I am already so busy. I suppose I am just ignoring them because I am enjoying it so much and feel like a new world has opened up to me. Having strangers comment and feedback on your writing is really encouraging - so I am going to keep on writing! Mel xx

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  14. Lydia, what you have achieved is pretty amazing to me! It sounds like a mix of jealousy and ignorance were behind your friend's comment.
    None of my family or friends read either of my blogs, and they wonder what I do with all my time. I've tried explaining, but don't really think they're that interested.
    Just keep doing what you're doing x

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  15. If you don't have anything nice to say- amen.
    I am so over he world thinking they can have an opinion on things which are not their business.
    You rock, don't let anyone make you feel you don't.

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  16. I have friends that don't get my blogging. Some think I should go back to plumbing but they don't understand how much I love it and how demanding a career in plumbing is especially on families!

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  17. Well said! Lots of 'friends' and rellos seem to treat my blog as some sort of self indulgent hobby, and one so called friend once asked me 'isn't it just making your life sound better than it is?' Last year I interviewed Manu, which shut them all the fuck up.
    xx

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  18. I have had friends that despite me telling them over and over again what a blog is, they still say - that website thing you do. If they dont get it thats totally OK. If they arent interested then that is totally ok too - but dont ever fobb it off as yes we totally do work hard at it and like anyone that works hard at anything, we do deserve a little respect for our efforts xx

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  19. Thanks for steering me here, Lydia. And I'm glad to see that others have similar issues. i think I feel doubly hurt/embarrassed with lack of support from some people because I'm fairly new and i don't actually earn any money (and probably may never do so directly from my blog) or have much of a regular following.
    Call me needy, but many of the posts I write contain really old memories, and there is one person (it may be a sibling) who features in quite a few of those. He hasn't said one word about it. Not even a simple 'like' or comment if I post the link on my facebook page. I'm not looking for a round of applause, but just a simple comment acknowledging the shared memory or something. And oddly enough, some of my friends who read fairly regularly are people I wouldn't have expected.
    On the plus side, I am starting to see what bloggers mean when they talk about the blogging 'community'. I know I may struggle because i don't really fit into a niche, but already I am starting to find some good people and good reading here in the 'community'. Thanks Lydia!

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