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Monday, 6 March 2017

Let sleeping dogs dream

One of the upsides of Facebook, is the memory aspect, I see things I've long forgotten. My eldest, close to a decade ago, was filling in proverbs for homework and she wrote "Let sleeping dogs dream" It may not be traditional, but I'm going to stick with that - more optimism and grander plans.

There is so much going on at our age, everyone is busy and juggling their own problems. This can be consuming and cloud our thinking. It can make us forgetful. It makes us see short term, not long term. I know for me, I can rarely think beyond the logistics for the next few days, not weeks ahead like  used to. I can safely say I'm also probably more guilty of what I'm about to discuss than I realise.

Yesterday, a friend, at a lunch I had organised with her, was complaining to me about another friend who always overlooked her and never invited her out, that she was always doing the inviting. I had to bite my tongue, as the behaviour she was criticising was the exact same thing she does to me. All the time. I understood she was hurt but I know this other woman doesn't have a mean bone in her body and would be devastated that she'd upset her friend. I couldn't understand that the one complaining couldn't see it from her friend's shoes. When she does it to me, I always just presume she didn't think about it,or the dinner was organised on the spur of the moment, or she presumes we're busy or whatever. If I waited for our offers of hospitality to be reciprocated, I'd probably never see anyone. Ever. I know she has no ill intent, so I don't take it personally, and let sleeping dogs lie. 

Better yet, I wish her happiness, so I'd rather let the sleeping dogs dream.

Do you keep score on the invites? Do you try to keep the intent in mind over the action? Will you too let sleeping dogs dream?

Linking for #StayClassyMama, #KCACOLSand #UltimateRabbitHole

24 comments:

  1. I don't keep score, to busy doing my own thing. If I am feeling as thought I'd like to see someone, I just invited them to catch up. Each to there own though x

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  2. I have a really bad memory which helps but I try not to keep score. That said, I like my friendships to be balanced and I find it a bit of a turn off if I'm the one always doing the inviting. Some people just aren't wired to be instigators and I do love organising which is fine, but when people do organise stuff and then overlook you or dish out a last minute invite, then that's a whole new (and rather hurtful) ball game. I'd still let sleeping dogs have a lie down and some sweet dreams than make waves though :)

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    1. I just think the last minute invite is because they forgot you and then remembered and wanted you there...so I don't mind that so much (I have even been ticked off for not rsvping to something I didn't get invited to in the first place - I couldn't decide if that was an elaborate ruse or just an oversight. It was pretty funny because they said "You of all people..." hehe. I'm always the one doing the inviting, and I just think if they didn't like me, they wouldn't come. A work collegue once said to me, about 72 years ago, when I was complaining that my friends never organised anything and it was like I was the social director "Some people are organisers, and some people aren't. You just have to accept you're the organiser and they start to expect that they'll catch up with you when you organise to see them" I've sort of gone with that ever since. Weirdly, I have friends that never, ever ask us to do anything, yet complain they never see us, as if we're too busy for them, when I have them over. It's so weird...

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  3. I have friends that leave me out and while I don't keep score, I do notice. It is hurtful, even without the intent. But I'm sure I'm guilty of it, too, though I have no malicious intent.

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  4. I like the idea of letting sleeping dogs dream, as for keeping score - not time fr that in my life - go with the flow and always wish those around you happiness & light - it always works out in the end, doesn't it?

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  5. I think you're right with the whole some people are organisers thing. I am not an organiser, lol! Having said that though, I do try to make an effort but I'm not always good at it, and it's not for lack of trying. I agree with letting things go though, I've found it's not worth the emotional turmoil of worrying over it.
    #teamIBOT

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    1. Which is not to say let people treat you badly, but if you know they like you, then is it worth stirring up a storm?

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  6. Yes, it has happened to me and I try not to think about it because the more I dwell on it the bitter I can start to become. Usually I don't have time to think too much about it. I'm thankful for the friends I have who do reciprocate. In a way I tend to spend more time with them, than those that don't reciprocate.

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  7. I don't keep score.
    But I love the whole "let sleeping dogs dream" quote/proverb.

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  8. I learned a long time ago to never keep score - it's just not what friendship is about.

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  9. I don't really keep score that I know of. Although I am conscious of never inviting anyone anywhere because I don't really go out or like making decisions.
    On the other hand, my bf's parents invite us to dinner regularly and I think that we should invite them over to the apartment for dinner but he doesn't think so. What do you think?

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    1. Definitely invite them over - they'd be chuffed!

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  10. When I was young it may have bothered me but not now.

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  11. Nup. Not keeping score. And I certainly hope my friends aren't keeping score either because entertaining makes me anxious and so they have us over far often than we have them. I bring dessert and booze so I reckon they're happy with that! xx

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  12. I really needed to read this post. I have a friend who has canceled our lunch dates at the last minute every time we make plans. The last time she did it, I didn't even recommend that we set another day to hang out, and I told myself that if she did invite me to do something that I would just cancel on her last minute. I didn't even think about how ugly that type of thinking was.

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  13. "let sleeping dogs dream" is such a lovely phrase. I try not to keep score #KCACOLS

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  14. I don't keep score but that's because I'm terrible at inviting people out! Sometimes I do well with it others I'm very lazy so I hope my friends aren't keeping score either! lol

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  15. It's funny how we can feel hurt by something without realising we are doing the exact same thing to another. I am sure I ma guilty of doing this.

    #KCACOLS

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  16. I rarely entertain at my house. I hope my friends don't keep score though as socialising makes me anxious you have to get me on a good day for me not to cancel (not because I want to I sometimes just can't face it) I thinks it's a great attitude you have. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

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  17. I don't normally keep score but maybe that's because I never felt left out or that my invitations weren't reciprocated. I would be upset if that was the case of course but wouldn't make a big deal. I love the expression 'let the dogs dream' and I think it is really fitting. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama

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  18. I don't keep score, but it's not very inviting to always have to be the one making the effort. I enjoy a relationship that is a bit more balanced. But, that said, some relationships aren't that way and it's okay. And some relationships have seasons where the giving is unequal for the time, and that's okay too. But it's hard when our feelings are hurt. Thanks for sharing #KCACOLS

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  19. I like let sleeping dogs dream!
    I'm very lucky that my friends and I are very good at inviting each other out and each arranging get togethers.

    #KCACOLS

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  20. To be honest I'm a bit rubbish at keeping in touch, so I rely on my friends to do the inviting. It's in no way malicious I just get so caught up! #KCACOLS

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    1. I think most people understand that...

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