I'm not paying to listen to your children

I'll open with 'I have three children, and I understand what they can be like at times'. If your kid goes nuts in the supermarket, I'm the sympathetic nodder not the judgmental eye roller. If your child is lost or something fishy is going on, I'm the butt-inner checking up things are ok or will keep your child safe until we track down the parent. If your child is screaming on a plane, I'm who you want next to you, as I'm relieved it's not my kid screaming, and I still remember that's the WORST feeling, and there is not a lot you can do to control it. But this business of kids having more rights than adults and no common courtesies has to stop.

I went to see Oz yesterday, and while it is a kids flick, the cinema had 6 children in it and the rest of the audience were adults. Two little kids about 5 kept talking through it. Loudly and frankly, stupidly. I didn't hear the mother tell them to be quiet once. Not one time. I have a wee tot and if she talks in a movie I am quick to whisper harshly "You can't say a word - no one is paying to listen to you!". Before the film starts, we always run through the 'you can't make any noise in the cinema' speech, which includes a part on sitting still in your seat.  I even do this at kids films, because how do they learn how to behave in society if they think there's one rule for some movies and another rule when it's a show you like. I paid $20 and my experience was ruined by these 2 little kids. Should I have asked the mother for my money back? Should I have told the kids to shut the f%*& up? I did neither. I sat and seethed, debating about what to do.

Same day (it was 'treat yourself day' - husband had been away on boys weekend and I got the afternoon off on his return) I used a gift voucher I'd been given for a visit to a pool in a fancy hotel. The voucher is worth $50. I was sitting in the spa, reading my book when some kids got in with me. The pool was completely empty at this point. The kids start swimming about, kicking my legs in the process repeatedly. I let it go. Then they started jumping in, and splashing me and my book. I told them not to splash me, they continued, I told them again. At that point, the nanny or mother gave a very half hearted "swim over there" meaning the other half of the very small spa (not the big, empty pool??). At the point the kids started eating IN THE SPA, I got out disgustedly.

I know kids love spas, but I have sent my own kids out for splashing too much when other adults are using it, and when the adults leave, they are allowed back in.

Kids should have rights, but in the current climate, they seem to have more rights than adults. They don't seem to have to be aware of the social courtesy towards others. Restaurants are expected to offer a menu that they charge less for, though the child is taking up a seat and the kitchen's time, and the child may or may not run around the restaurant disturbing the full paying guest.

Women are allowed to breast feed where ever they choose, and should a negative comment be made, it becomes something of a civil rights issue, instead of something where you just think "What a jerk" and go home and tell your friends.

Teachers are harassed if the child doesn't get the grade they want or the part in the play. Everyone is expected to accommodate the child, but the child is not asked to accommodate anyone else in return. Why not?

In the '70's, kids were not factored into the equation much. The parents did what they wanted to do, entertained as they wanted to, went out where they wanted to, and the kids were dragged along and expected to behave accordingly. You were lucky if there were other children present, if not, you were to slink off and find a tv or sit at the table quietly for however long it took, without complaining. I don't think this was such a bad thing. We survived it, and it probably did us good not to think the Universe revolved around us and our friends.

I have a another speech that my kids unfortunately hear often, firstly due to their behaviour, then as they get older, as a reminder. It constantly points out that the other people have paid a lot of money to do whatever it is we are doing, and they aren't paying to listen to us. And I do mean US for while I know they don't want to hear the kids argue/screech/talk, I'm pretty sure they don't want to hear me telling off the kids either.

I get kids are learning how to behave in society. I get kids have little consideration beyond their own immediate whims. The point is, they never will, if you the parent don't teach them to. You don't just suddenly think about others as you get older. It needs to be taught and modeled, like everything else. No one would put up with the talking of teens in the cinema, no one would shrug off a drunken adult talking loudly in a restaurant. Why are kids given carte blanche to behave in equally socially unacceptable ways?

I would have been more tolerant in those situations above if I'd felt the 'supervising' adult was doing just that, supervising. Had there been a 'get away from the lady' or 'shh', I would have thought it was just badly behaved kids and irritatedly shrugged it off, but understood that kids don't always do what you want them to.  However, if you don't tell the kids they're doing the wrong thing, how do they know?

About 8 years ago I (& my kids) went away with a girlfriend from England and her daughter. We went out to dinner and the kids, in my opinion, were very badly behaved. They kept getting out of their seats and running around our table. I kept telling them to sit down, and didn't noticed it was only me doing the ticking off. As we left, I commented on a poor couple who had arrived after us and left before us, thus having no time without our children ruining their evening. My friend responded "Well, children are the future. People have to understand they're going to be around." I was stunned (which is why I still remember it verbatim). I pointed out that perhaps that was true in the sense of providing public education with their tax money, but not necessarily in a restaurant. We agreed to disagree.

My kids are by no means perfect. I am not an expert on parenting. I do call my kids out, when I need to and I don't think I should be able to ruin the experience of others by my children's selfish or noisy behaviour.  This generation is being done a disservice by their parents, and I get the feeling that some parents don't want to actually parent. Sometimes we have to be the bad guy. Sometimes we have to be the one who says no, when they want to hear yes. Sometimes they won't like you for it. At the end of the day though, we need to remember we are raising citizens of the world, not just an individual.

Looking at the current world climate, there will be a heavy load for these future citizens to carry, so we need to make them the best they can be. It needs to start with the small stuff when they are young, so they can change the big stuff when they are adults.


Linking up with the Lounge.