Choosing between husband and child...

Linking up this old post for the Lounge this week, because I'm re-asking the question, is there a hierarchy in family? Who's needs trump the needs of others? And how do you decide?

Forgive me this indulgence, but I'm still putting this to rest in my mind. It's not a Sophie's Choice kind of decision, it's a totally first world problem, yet I'm still uncomfortable with my choice.

My husband is running the New York Marathon this year - he has run it previously and when he did, we had a little second honeymoon without the kids. We had an absolute ball, doing all those things you can't with children - 3am in a comedy club, fancy night at the Opera, sleeping in until noon (that was actually an accident and we were meant to have checked out...but that's another story) and so on. I was in the process of working out who could look after the kids when I discovered that my eldest would be starting his end of year exams while we'd be in New York. It's his first year of high school, and he's in a selective stream. He is not the most organised child on the planet, and while still adjusting to high school, I decided that I couldn't put extra pressure on him by being away during his exams.

I believe it's the right decision, and I'd hate for him to drop out of the class he's in because he didn't do well  in the exams (or was late to school because he got lost making his way from a friend's house). I believe it's the right thing to do - how can we expect him to take his school work seriously if we don't? Yet why do I feel so guilty?

My husband has been fine about it - all he said was that he'd still be going (and I knew that, my intention wasn't to stop him going but to let him know that I wouldn't be accompanying him), yet I feel I've let him down, and in some way betrayed him by choosing my son over my partner in life.

I'm not entirely sure why it sits uneasily with me. I've always believed that it's a disservice to children if their parents put their wants above all else, yet here I am doing just that. It's not exactly a 'want', but the child is the focus above the partner. The person who chooses to spend their life with you should surely be given the same if not higher focus than those precious biological by-products of that love?

I found a marathon for next year that is at a more 'kid friendly' time of year, and offered that as a suggestion, in the unlikely event funding be available. I've made it clear that it's not that I don't want to go with him, but I feel the timing is bad. It's not disappointment, though I am a little, obviously. It's guilt, and I feel I'm being mean to him. That's all coming from me, he's in no way saying anything to make me feel bad.

So if I believe it's what I need to do, why do I still feel so guilty about it? Is it the right thing to do? Any advice welcome (even if you're telling me I'm wrong), so I can put these uneasy feelings to rest.

Is it right to put your kids before your partner? Is it right to put your partner before your kids? Is there no right or wrong, just what works for you in each situation?