Unusual Discourse on Love

I'm not entirely sure where I'm heading with this post, or if I even agree with what I'm about to write, but both quotes were enough to make me pause and give some thought to the ideas, so I thought I'd share.

I am reading Slapstick by the wonderful Kurt Vonnegut and came across this: (Note to put it in context, the children have only ever had contact with books, not the outside world.)

"'Eliza..so many of the books I've read...said that love was the most important thing of all. Maybe I should tell you that I love you now.'
'Go ahead' she said.
'I love you, Eliza,' I said.
She thought about it. 'No,' she said at last, 'I don't like it.'
'Why not?' I said.
'It's as though you were pointing a gun at my head,' she said. 'It's just a way of getting somebody to say something they probably don't mean. What else can I say, or anybody say, but, "I love you, too"?' "*

Now while I believe you do sometimes say it because you are bursting with affection at a particular moment, and you say it to kids without an expectation of reciprocation, I will admit, somewhat embarrassingly, I have in the past said it because I needed to hear it back (usually when I was feeling sick and sorry for myself!!). It is an interesting point, that it is virtually impossible for anyone not to say it back, thus rendering the sentiment almost useless. Which is why it means so much more when it comes at unexpected times, or in a note left on the kitchen bench or some such fashion.

I find it interesting that I think we say it to kids because we want them to know it, to feel protected in the safety of our love, with no expectation of the same in return. Do we do that with our partners? Or does it become a just habit, that throw away 'love you' at the end of a phone call or a manipulation for our own benefit? I'd be interested in what others think on this. I don't necessarily agree with the sentiment, but I haven't had an opportunity to experiment with my feelings and thought processes since reading the paragraph...And so it goes. Hi ho.

The other thought, was on the nature of love. "I have had some experiences with love, or think I have, anyway, although the ones I have liked best could easily be described as 'common decency'. I treated somebody well for a little while, or maybe even a tremendously long time, and that person treated me well in turn....Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go looking for it, and I think it can be poisonous.
I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, 'Please - a little less love, and a little more common decency.'"**

Now I do believe in love, and I do believe it can grow and last long periods of time. However, I also look at long marriages, or close knit families and see the truth in the common decency idea. Love can often take people for granted, or be careless or demanding. Common decency is always respectful. I'd love to know if anyone has any other thoughts to add on this.
Hi ho.

Linking up with #lifethiseek with a rather unusual post for me on love.

For anyone who hasn't read Vonnegut, start with Slaughter House 5 and then A Man Without a Country. I love Vonnegut - he's an underrated brilliant writer. And so it goes.


*page 76, Slapstick, Kurt Vonnegut, Vintage 2008, London (copyright 1976)
**page 2, ibid.