Lack of Respect

The Motherish had a post where a mother was complaining that her husband watched scary movies with her son behind her back, and that she'd been dealing with his sleep issues for years, not knowing that this was where part of the problem stemmed from.
I was more puzzled that she wasn't angry that he was deliberately lying to her.

To me, the issue was that he was saying to his son, 'I don't respect her, and you don't need to either' and that it was perfectly acceptable to do things that she wouldn't like, as long as you kept it secret from her.

I don't think he needed to have her approval to let her son watch scary movies. It's his son too, and he should be able to parent as he sees fit. If an argument or discussion evolves because of the difference of opinion, so be it. Parenting, like marriage, is about finding the middle ground. However, to decide that you don't care for your wife's feelings or opinion and that you'll just do what you want in secret, is displaying a lack of respect for your partner that I imagine is hard for her to overcome. It would put every thing you do in doubt, taint everything you say. As I've said before,  'It is better to have the argument before hand than argue later and bring betrayal into the already difficult situation'.

The deceit cracks the relationship, bringing a fissure into the ties of the couple. It's not an affair, it's not a gambling problem but it's destructive all the same.

I'm glad for that couple that she is only focusing on the inappropriateness of the scary movies, and I hope for them that the issue resolves itself. As they say in the book, Water for Elephants "at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant. The fact that you kept it does not."

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