"I'm thinking about having a third child..."

A friend asked me what it was like having a third child when I have school aged kids. The gap was 9 and 5 years. I was over 40. All these were similar to her situation. I am not a child expert, a doctor, nor a marriage counsellor or psychologist. I can't tell you why you have a baby, or what you need to think about. Who knows deep down why anyone does anything?

What I can tell you, are the three negatives that I can see.

1. I'm tired. I think about dealing with my last child as a teenager and I'm terrified I'll be too tired to stay on top of all the tricky teen situations. I'll be too old to help with the homework and all the technology and social media. Currently I struggle with advice on editing the podcast for English (thank God for Google!), by then it will probably be holograms!!

2. I am probably viewed as the worst mum at the primary school. My head is full of high school and teen issues, that making a hat for the hat parade is not on my radar.  I got her the stuff and let her make it herself. I complained that it took too long to watch the parade. I've no interest in talking about the school. Having to spend a Friday night in the playground for the movie night seems like a major inconvenience. I do all these things, but I can't say I'm necessarily there with the same enthusiasm as the other mums with their first child in school.

3. The youngest will become an only child. Not like an only child who has only known that, but child who loses their sibling company to become an only child. Last holiday our youngest complained that none of the siblings wanted to play in the pool with her. She always wants the middle brother to play the board game too, not just happy to play it with me, and he no longer is interested. There's a sadness and a loss that I feel very guilty about. One child, possibly two, will move out before the youngest finishes school, and that hole will be felt not worst of all by me, but by her.

That's it. There's a lot of good things, and moving from 2 to 3 is not nearly as hard with a large gap, purely because you know all those 'baby stresses' don't really matter. You are more relaxed, you focus with a better balance. You enjoy the luxury of those baby groups and play because you know how quickly it goes.

I couldn't tell my friend if I thought she should have another baby, even when she asked me directly. I could tell her was what I thought were the negatives for me. Just three. I could also tell her I wouldn't have it any other way, and on our recent holiday,  the most precious moments were watching the three of them rough-house in a field together or all of us delighting in the funny Helter Skelter...Those moments all together are so rare now, with part time jobs and girlfriends stealing the older kids away. Hopefully those moments mean as much to them as they do to me.

What advice would you give someone who asked you if they should have another child?

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