Line in the Sand

We read the book The Nest by Cynthia D'Aprix for book club. In it, one character discovers his partner has gone behind his back and taken great risks financially, leaving them in ruin. In that moment, he decides he doesn't love this other character anymore. I really liked this moment described in the book - it was as if, suddenly in a single moment, he was looking objectively at the partner and their relationship. However, I didn't know if I believed it. I felt if you'd made rationalizations for bad behaviour throughout your relationship, I don't know if you'd stop doing it so suddenly. Or maybe it is the tipping point? I tend to think you'd draw a line in the sand, not to be treated this way again, so the ongoing dynamic would change but not fall out of love so immediately. You'd just make up yet another rationalization so as not to disturb the overall relationship. I do think a physical betrayal would be different, but a fiscal one or verbal one like the one in the book would be added to the pile and rationalized again.

I often justify the bad behaviour of people and give them the benefit of the doubt, as I'm sure they do of me. I'm very surprised people can unfriend people on Facebook over matters, or cut people out of their lives. Maybe this is a fault in me. I did only a year or so ago decide to shut people down if they insulted me. Those 'jokes' friends make, that used to annoy me but I laughed along with them anyway. Now I just say 'don't talk to me like that'. As simple as that. I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner. Probably because I was the chief culprit, mocking myself and my achievements for the entertainment of others. I was well into my forties before I decided I needed to stand up for myself because no one else would. (Thanks Kanye!).

There is a quote I wanted to end with that was along the lines of 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me' but about allowing someone to treat you badly. I can't find it and can't remember where I read it (yes, all my books are dog eared with quotes and ideas for blog posts). So I will leave you with this quote by Stephen Covey which I liked: "I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow".

For the record, I didn't like The Nest, but it's not really my sort of book, but the rest of bookclub did (so take that recommendation as you wish) however I did really like this one paragraph in chapter 37 when this moment occurred, and I've been thinking about it since (so for me, that was worth it). What prompts someone who's been treated badly for years to leave? Can it happen in a single moment? (Most people I know are still forced into it). Or do you wake up one day and decide you will no longer put up with it?

Linking with #FortheloveofBLOG #OpenSlather #KCACOLS