The last lockdown was really hard for me for a number of reasons, and the post COVID world is difficult and confusing, even though we have yet to catch it. I have spent more time reading and thinking about it, and more importantly, trying to manage it safely at times when I think the government is being irresponsible. I heard a terrible story from friend about a little baby with COVID turned away from hospital and the GP who had sent them had no idea what they could do. It was very distressing and I decided I didn't want to be a contributor to those deaths in any way, and so I had to not catch it, and more importantly, not spread it. It is a very difficult headspace to navigate.
I have spoken before about how we are changed by this, in ways we aren't aware of until it bursts fotth upon us, and I expereinced it again last night.
In the 5km lockdown, I went to pick up takeaway from Long Chim which sits right on my 5km line and the empty laneway with the bird cages brought tears to my eyes. I lamented that I wanted my city back. By that, I really meant I wanted my life back. My very lovely life in a beautiful city with a lot to offer, that was a luxury I took for granted until now. I was hit with the loneliness and isolation, and a sense of loss that lockdown gave me. And I was well aware I was one of the lucky ones, and my heart broke for those that had suffered greater losses, both personal and financial. Those that had to live in fear, those that lacked access to basic needs and protections. Those who were dealing with a great many deaths on a personal level. Those unable to be with their dying. Those dying alone.
Come January, I had booked a number of Sydney Festival shows, and had been to a number of the free events too. I've been enjoying the city and the arts, and things I love. Last night was the absolutely magnificent Italian Baroque with Circa at Angel Place. It was exactly the show I needed. It was beautiful, both visually and musically, it was funny and charming. It was awe inspiring and mesmerising. It was not of this time and place. It was an escape. It was the perfect antidote to these confusing and sad times.
On arrival, as I rounded the corner, I saw the cages but this time above diners in the restaurants, people walking to the recital hall, fairy lights strung across the bars and laneway. It felt almost like a mirage, but it was really happening. My heart expanded in happiness. I could physically feel it!
So two pictures but percieved through a different lens. To other viewers, they are probably the same. To me, they are grossly different.
And that, I guess, is one of the lessons in life. How we view the world is impacted by how we are experiencing the world.
That's what people talk about when they talk of privilege.
May we get to the end of this without losing too much. Our human cost is already too great.
Stay safe everyone, but also reach out to friends and family. Everyone is struggling in some way, even if it isn't evident.
Linking with #TrafficJamWeekend and #InspireMeMonday
