Saturday, 30 May 2015

7 words

I've written before about my love for Kurt Vonnegut. I am amazed you can live through what he did and come out the other side a 'humanist' of such kind and generous proportions.

I won't repeat what I discussed in the Unusual Discourse on Love, but I was struck with the simplicity and remarkable truth of this quote, that I wanted to share again. In Jailbird, he says that a friend summed up what he's written several books about into seven words "Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail"

In all your interactions, but especially with those closest to you, treat them with the courtesy you would a stranger.

It's a very simple truth and yet more often than not, we treat the ones closest to us with the most indifference and ill-mannered emotion. We are careless with those we love most, for want of a better word.

See if that extra kindness makes a difference, and as you go about your day, make all your interactions make the other person's day a little brighter, from the barista to your husband (and especially your button pushing teen!!).

And so it goes.

Linking up with #BooknificentThursdays 

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Conversations with a Suitcase

I love an empty suitcase - it holds so much promise. You pack your expectations and excitement. You can be something completely different, for a little while. It's not intentional, it just seems to be that way. You pack for an exciting time, an adventure, an event, to explore.

We are 5, when we travel, and I have got packing for this family down to a case and a half. We have done many trips with hand luggage only. This is a great exercise if you want to learn how to travel light. We've done it so many times now, that I've managed to reduce what we take when we have the whopping 20 kilos a case.

I select four outfits, and a couple of evening ones. Those evening ones signify planning dinners out, romantic locations or a need to be more glamorous for some reason. I have clothes that I only ever seem to wear on holidays, backless shirts, maxidresses and dresses perfect for wearing into restaurants over swimmers.

When travelling to cold climates, I live in boots. I seem to be more formal in foreign cities. Just in case.

I pack games. We don't sit at home playing board games that often, but we never hit the road without a pack of Uno and the banangrams.

A suitcase is an empty vessel, waiting to hold your desired lifestyle. It seems odd, that after happily living this new way for a weekend or a few weeks, we just unpack it. We dismantle the dream and put it aside for a later date. When really, we should unpack it into our everyday life. It's all here, just waiting for us to embrace it.

Do you dress differently when you travel? Do you behave differently? Why do you think we save it for too small a part of our life?

Linking with #Convocoffee for Conversations with a suitcase

Monday, 25 May 2015

Ships in the night

In a post about something else, Our Parallel Connection wrote "My hubby and I snuck out for a coffee and to catch up on our week we didn’t spend together." This struck a chord with me as it was exactly our weekend. My husband wasn't out carousing or even going to the gym. Our weekend was merely over taken by logistics.

Friday night saw me at a school function for one child, home for 40 minutes plonked on the couch watching tv with my partner before heading out to pick up the teen.
Saturday, my husband had to go into work, when he returned to take the other two kids out to lunch, I was already at a party with the third.
We both arrived home with ten minutes to spare before dinner guests arrived. They left and we, again, collapsed in front of the TV.
Sunday morning saw us race off for coffee with friends from out of town before heading to a family function for the rest of the day. While I had suggested we go to a movie on the Sunday night, by the time we got home and the kids sorted, we were just too tired.
As a result, we didn't really speak to each other all weekend, in fact, while we spent the whole weekend 'together', it felt like we didn't connect at all.

It's just part of family life, it's having three kids with their own social agendas and it's a symptom if you want to catch up with friends and family as well. It is, however, also dangerous territory to tread, as it can easily become your normal, and a slippery slope to unhappiness, or dissatisfaction.

Given this week is looking like shaping up into a similar situation - teen drive around tonight, partner off to State of Origin on Wednesday, I'm off to Canberra Thursday and so on, I'm sneaking into town to have lunch with him. Just the two of us.

Life with kids is busy. Add in work and any kind of social life, and it can become too full to manage. For some reason, it's the most important person in our lives that often loses out. Keeping that connection, or at least being mindful of what's happening, can be a small effort but ever so meaningful.

As I said before, it doesn't need to be lavish or a grand gesture. Just find a window of time to sit with them and talk. "There's no present like the time".

Do you make sure you spend time together?

Linking up with #KCACOLS


Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

PS Since writing that, our lunch has gone kaput! A short deadline came in so I postponed it to next week so he wouldn't have unnecessary stress...ah! The best laid plans of mice and men....

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Burgers & buns (the other type of buns)

The prompt for this week's confessions is strange diets. As all I need to do to lose weight is take Dr Rudi's advice and 'Eat Less!', I'm going off topic and talking burgers, which is food related so sort of counts.

There's been a number of 'Best Burger' lists floating round the ether, and without fail on the list is a certain establishment that is totally the Emperor's New Clothes. Every time I see it, I want to shout 'Are you on the gear? Have you eaten there?'. I have no idea why everyone loves it so much. We did go fairly soon after opening, lured by the big reviews abounding. It was four thumbs down from our group, and I've never returned.
It's often thrown into conversations as a place to go and I bite my tongue politely but I'm sure bewilderment is on my face.

So, I am ignoring the Best Burger lists (though I have noted a number of joints I really must visit to try their fare) and am starting my own - in no particular order:

The Truffle Burger at Vine. If you go Friday lunch, it's only $15 with an Asahi & chips - pretty, pretty good!
Burger Project - easy on the wallet and Rockpool team tasty.
Brodburger - absolutely loved this place. You do have to drive to Canberra but definitely worth a visit. Fabuloso!

Given my lack of dieting interest, and my keen enthusiasm for burgers, I would like to give a special shout out to Kim Kardashian for making the keister fashionable...

Which burger joints would you add to the list?

Linking on Friday with Things I know...

Sunday, 17 May 2015

Close up #Haunted2015

One building provided all of these! (and no doubt a multi-million dollar property - Sydney is so nuts!) Evidently still not bored, so feel free to join in with me!








Linking up with #FavouriteFotos

Saturday, 16 May 2015

Don't be scared of the big, bad Naplan

I have seen more tears and public humiliation at the Sports and Swimming Carnivals (My heart literally breaks watching those kids that can't swim the distance) than I have ever seen for Naplan. If NAPLAN is framed correctly, the only stress is getting to school on time and having the right 2HB pencil.  I am waiting for the uproar to ban those carnivals because they're too stressful and make a lot of kids feel really bad about themselves, anyone with a kid that always comes last or never gets a ribbon knows how stressful the carnival can be. It's weird that we only seem to have this attitude about NAPLAN.
I have done some reading since (Beautiful Failures) that is quite anti Naplan, and while I in part agree, I still think it's what we the parents do with NAPLAN that makes it bad, and that the theory behind it is fine.

Last week, I saw a number of 'Dear Students, Naplan can't measure how wonderful you are' kind of posts. And yes, it can't. But neither can school or the HSC. So why have we magnified NAPLAN into a big bad wolf of injustice? I agree it doesn't measure which kid had breakfast or not, but neither does anything else, so how that came into the equation is beyond me.

It's not the government or even school's fault. It's us parents. We've become so fearful of failure and disappointment for our children. We've created a new monster, and like everything else, our children will suffer for it.

If everything in your school life leads to an exams (the HSC), then do a tonne of exams so you don’t get nervous, make them just another thing you do at school. There's no stress associated with tests unless we create it. This is proof alone in the High Schoolers reaction to NAPLAN. Their results of NAPLAN mean nothing at all to them (they're not used to get you into a High School or any special class), and as a result, I reminded three high schoolers on Monday night that they had NAPLAN the next day, and all three had been completely oblivious to the fact. So it is the parents of the year three's and fifth graders who have magnified the meaning of a simple test.

If NAPLAN was used so the school could focus on the overall weaknesses, then NAPLAN is extraordinarily worthwhile. For example, if the maths average of the year was weak, then the school could implement maths groups to help bring up the rear guard or if they clearly need to work on literacy, then they could start a literacy lockdown sessions with the K-2 groups (so that the standard by year three is improving) and so on. Doing well or bad in NAPLAN is only useful if the results get used to improve the school teaching methods, otherwise, it is only useful for the parents to help focus on those weaker areas. Maybe they need a maths tutor, or to understand how to write a story? There is something beneficial in knowing where to help someone improve.

Getting tutored to do well in NAPLAN means you’ve wasted an opportunity to see what you need to focus on. If you are being tutored for this BASIC skills test, it means you are covering up any learning areas that need focus. They may learn how to do one or two particular problems, but not understand the process completely - they see it just for the test and not beyond it. NAPLAN is meant to highlight how you are progressing at the most basic levels.

Schools that do endless practices for NAPLAN are equally at fault. Do a couple so the kids know how to fill in the boxes, where to write their name or how to write a story but then leave it. It should be a snapshot of what they know and what they don't, and what needs to be the focus in teaching.

This is the big issue, where the parents have distorted all meaning from NAPLAN. They started to judge schools by their NAPLAN results. Judging a school by their NAPLAN results may mean you ignore the key issues of what the school offers. A lot of schools do well because they tell students not to sit NAPLAN to skew the figures. If you want to know what's bad for a child's self esteem, it's not trying and failing, it's being told they have no chance so don't even bother. That any parent would agree to this insulting turn of events is beyond me.

Conversely, your child may do exceptionally well in a school that doesn’t do that well overall, but it’s a smaller school and the close attention worked well for him but being small, it doesn't have the numbers to get a high average. Or maybe a school doesn't do well because that school was chosen for many kids because of the Reading Recovery programme, so because of a special support unit, the overall result may read badly, however, the improvement those kids made from Kindy to year 3 as a result of the programme means the school is actually EXCEPTIONAL in real individual terms.
It is the parents who have created this distortion, and decided it is not something useful and destroy the whole meaning of it. If you judge a school on it's NAPLAN results, you're not looking at your child and their individual needs. All decisions on school selection needs to look at the details, not the number at the end of the day.

The biggest disservice we have done to our children is telling them testing is wrong and unfair. If they can sit out this test, why not sit out the HSC? That's stressful, that doesn't take into account if you had breakfast, you may not do that well in it so don't bother turning up. At the youngest level, we've decided we should tell our children they can dismiss the relevance of tests.

I think parents around the country need to step up and start using their brains a little. In the same way a midyear report card is completely useless if it doesn't give you something to focus on improving for the rest of the year, NAPLAN is just a guideline. It's not saying you are hopeless and a failure, it's saying the child, or the school, needs to focus on improving these areas. Guess what, you have two years to do that before it's measured again, and that's a lot of time to work on improvement.

Don't ask the school why they didn't get a good NAPLAN result, ask the teachers what they will be doing to strengthen those areas. Isn't that a good thing? Naplan was never designed to rank schools, nor to rank children, so let's not create that outcome.

I know this is not a popular stance, so feel free to let me have it!


Monday, 11 May 2015

Enjoy the singing.

I have a funeral today. I do not want to go, as it makes it all true, something I'd rather not believe. I've had a few too many of these lately. I am not happy that I seem to meet cancer and death with every phone call.

It seems a sad stage of life - gone are the engagements, weddings and babies. In comes the shattered lives, divorce and illness.

In Theroux's Hotel Honolulu he says "The only difference between a Hawaiian wedding and a Hawaiian funeral...was that there was one less person singing at the funeral".

This is life in it's simplest terms. So enjoy it while you are singing.