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Thursday, 21 March 2013

It's Too Quiet..

Has anyone noticed on social media, when someone goes quiet it either means they're really busy, away or not happy?
I've approached a few friends when they've gone quiet to check they're alright, as their silence rings loudly in my ears. Interestingly, one friend in the States was surprised I asked but admitted they were depressed. My noticing across the airwaves made them happy, as they felt the need to cover it up in person.
I asked someone the other day, and she said she was trying not to be a 'Negative Nellie'.
Why are we allowed to share so much on social media - photos of kids, sporting success of kids, meals, what we're doing, but not really share how we're feeling? If we are friends, isn't that part of the deal?
The bad with the good? Doesn't that sharing the bad take a weight off our shoulders? Problem shared is a problem halved and all that?
Obviously there is an aspect where you don't want to share problems with the whole world, so maybe the problem is the social media audience is too big, but I always feel for my friends feeling shut out (by their own making) from people happy to support them through whatever it is.
A while back I was having a bumpy time and my fb reflected an overly-aggressive anger towards the mechanic who had hijacked my car for 4 days, requiring me to walk between 4 suburbs twice a day. Only one person picked up that it wasn't just about the car - but I felt better for venting hostility at the world, and even better that someone was astute enough to notice it wasn't my normal voice.
I don't really have a solution, but perhaps if one of your friends is quiet, check in on how they are, privately of course. Think of this as R U OK social media day...


  1. That's a brilliant observation and perfect for RUOK Day. Great post
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  2. Nice observation! I do sometimes go very 'quiet' but this is usually because I am run off my feet busy!! Still a great suggestion to 'check in' with people!

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  4. I think it can be hard to share some of life's difficulties on social media...if you don't get support it just makes you feel more isolated. As good as social media is, it's no substitute for a chat and a cuppa together.
    Good observation though...I think I would benefit from having you as a FB friend!

  5. Yes, you're bang on and I've done it too when I noticed someone's absence. They were really pleased I'd noticed and appreciated being able to talk about what was going on.

  6. When I'm feeling a little bit "over" everything I tend to dial down on my social media interaction. But that's mostly becuase if things aren't great for me at that particular moment, seeing someone elses gorgeuos new house or fab holiday will likely only make me feel worse about it.

    I have wondered about friends when they've gone quiet on Facebook in particular - next time I notice I'll send them a message instead of worrying that I'm intruding!

  7. For me, I go quiet on SM when (a) I am busy (doesn't happen that much lately) or (b) having nothing positive to say. I totally hear you about sharing the downs as well as the ups on SM, and it isn't that I don't want to put it out there - Lord knows there are enough people around the world suffering from menopause - but I feel that if people are going to come and read my posts - they don't want to hear about the same cr*p all the time. Having said that I get what you are saying about helping because when I read a blog of someone who sounds like it is turning to sh*t, I try to help if I can.
    Now you have me wondering about what is best for me to do !!!!! Thanks for making me think!!
    Have the best weekend and hopefully you will have a quieter week this week.
    Love, hugs and positive energy !

  8. As punishment I'm now without Internet - silent while getting it fixed - aaarrrggghh!

  9. Always important to keep an eye on friends and of course asking them if they are ok can go a long way towards helping them.

  10. What an interesting observation, I had never really thought of it that way before. I will make sure that I take more notice in future though.

  11. I think that Social media is a big audience and some things don't need to be shared with such a wide audience. 6 of my friends and I have a small group, so when venting is required on a smaller arena we put it on the group and console or support as required. That group has been great for 1 member especially who lost her husband to suicide last year and often needs to vent without judgement by the wider world of her Social Media "friends". Sometimes the group may not be needed for weeks or months but it is there when anyone needs it.

  12. For me, I really need to schedule social media free time. It can be all consuming. Sometimes I just need to disconnect to reconnect. At the moment, I seem to have lost my blogging and online mojo. Real life is demanding too much of me and I'm exhausted.

  13. Whenever I notice someone's MIA from social media it just means they've unfriended me! Maybe I'm not as special and entertaining as I thought. HMPH! Seriously though, it is a good idea to check on people. whenever I'm feeling a bit 'blah' I don't feel like blogging so much. On the other hand, sometimes it's good to take breaks from SM. I need to do it more often!

  14. I think it's always a good idea to check in on someone if they start behaving differently- even if they're fine, it shows that you care!

  15. What a great post and good on you for checking in with people. I am inspired to follow your lead.

  16. Yep! I go quiet on Twitter when I'm depressed. I'm pretty private though and just don't want to express how I'm feeling to other people.

  17. A few years ago I was stressed with some goings-on and someone actually told me to 'lighten the F%^& up' on Facebook. Needless to say I blocked them straight away but maybe instead of judging they could have noticed I was struggling - I only worked it out in hindsight myself.

    1. That's such a weird reaction - I had a friend going through a terrible time and being quite open about it and I was amazed that some people said "She's just after attention" or that they blocked her (hid her?) because they found her too depressing. No one was saying 'I check in with her each day to pep her up'. It can't be all memes and kittens, can it??