'You are Old, Lydia.. Do you think, at your age, it is right?'

I have been reminded of the poem in Alice in Wonderland - You are Old, Father William. While the questions were not asked of me directly, I had FOUR instances in a week where I was reminded of my age and at times of my seemingly (to them) inappropriate behaviour.

Firstly, a young man covered in tatts, stood up and moved away from the red seat on the train so I could sit there. Firstly, I don't think I look like a red seat user (for those OS, it is for elderly, physically infirm or pregnant people). Secondly I could have just say next to him on the blue seat. So at best he thought I was old or at worst he thought I'd be scared to sit next to a guy covered in tatts. As someone from the Inner West, that part hurt more. Obviously my vibe I think I have is not the vibe I give off. I am much more conservative and suburban looking than I realise.

Next, I went to Fridayz and when Lil Jon came on, I jumped up like everyone else (He was great, by the way - not in the 'so bad, it's good' way that I was expecting, just really great!). I was dancing frenetically when I noticed the people next to me and behind me were laughing at my enthusiasm. Now, I will take this at festivals from the 18 year olds but NOT from the 40 year old behind me, when I am dancing to music that is 20 years old  Anyway, they had to pull their heads in because when all the jumping started, they didn't even try and I am a little bone density ever-ready bunny....In your face. in this case I was not old, I was just OG. (Note the song below has very offensive lyrics, not suitable for work).

And then, at Sonny Fodera, this woman sort of dances in front of us, facing us - so I'm pretty sure her friend was filming her dancing with the weird old ladies. We just ignored her and she went away. She later came back and grabbed me and said "You're my new icon". Now I've heard this enough at festivals to know where it's heading so as I didn't want to kill my vibe, I cut to the chase "What, cos I'm old?" I smiled. She was taken aback and then back peddled like crazy "No, not at all. You're here living your best life. You exude joy". I forgive her because I did feel like joy was radiating off me, I could 'feel' it so I like that concept, even if she had been doing it to laugh at us.... (This clip does have a bare stomach and low cut top but I would say still fine for work...Unless there are rules about that - just normal clothes, not overtly sexual).

 

Lastly, I was at Harris Farm with just a basket, that was pretty full but nothing too crazy. I have spindly little muppet arms so it doesn't take much for my muscles to strain. This guy comes up to me and asks if I need help carrying the basket! In what universe does that happen? How old do I look? I laughed and said no thank you, but I wish now I'd said yes, just to see how that played out - was he seriously going to stroll around the supermarket with me while I shopped?

This was in a seven day period. It is deeply disturbing. Clearly, how I think I look is not how I look to others.

Worse, apparently how I feel is nothing like my outer shell.

"We are always the same age inside" Gertrude Stein wisely said, but she forgot to mention it's the outside that everyone else sees, and there's no hiding that! Worst of all, they want to remind you of it!

Linking with #WWWHimsy #YourtheStar #FineWhatever 

“We project to others the image of ourselves that we believe and carry in our own minds. With humble pride think well of yourself and others will do the same.” -Cloudia Charters, Comfort Spiral

 A friend of mine is getting married. She’s had rough years of marriage breakdown and rebuilding a life as a single parent. She’s now met a lovely man and they are cementing a life together. She recently made a comment about losing weight before the wedding.

It got me wondering, how do we as mature women, having lived a full life and embarked on a menopausal journey, still be reduced to this? I am not immune. I was listening to a book on menopause for another post and while my symptoms are manageable, I did start to wonder if I should take HRT to shed the pounds that have decided at this stage of life to suddenly live around my middle. I did shake that idea away but I will admit I pondered it longer than I’m proud of.

Why do we still rarely see wrinkles in movies or a size 14 on tv? Why are all our achievements eclipsed by a few pounds in the ‘wrong’ places?

We are meant to be the guiding lights for our daughters, but I find I’m learning so much more from the younger generations than those that came before me.

I was at the Sumo when the host made a joke that was deemed a ‘fat’ joke and the audience quickly turned, making it clear it was unacceptable. The MC hastily back-peddled and I was a little proud at how far we have come in this mentality, at least when it comes to others. Or is it just when it comes to men?

I am exercising more and trying to eat more cautiously but most of all it’s my thought processes I’m trying to work on. I’ve been experimenting and whenever I wear a dress I think I’m a little too out of shape for, I almost always get a compliment from a stranger. 

Even at this ripe old age, what I see in the mirror is distorted by the beauty standards of my youth. Intellectually I understand this but over-riding the critical vision is much harder.

My question – who put it in there and why is it so hard to update?

As for my friend, I told her to enjoy the dress and she will look wonderful. Confidence is like make-up that covers up our flaws…

(This was a guest post written for & originally posted on #WWWhimsy)

Linking with #HappyNow #TheRandom TrafficJamReboot #WowonWednesday #ConfidentTwosday

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

 

A friend and I went to the closing party of the Festival of Sydney. Before we went in, we chatted to a woman who was there by herself. She didn't come in with us but later, I saw her enter and I waved her over. So she joined us while we were sitting and talking. She had decided last minute to come, having seen the main act give an art talk the night before.

When we went to dance, I included her but she didn't come with us. After about 10 minutes she joined us and we all danced together. She had obviously thought it over and decided 'why not?' My friend and I decided to leave early before the main act came on and she pleaded "Don't go! It will get better!" It was 10.30 on a Sunday night though so we just weren't into it enough to stay (and we have Rudimentals on Tuesday so plenty of dancing ahead of us).

On the way home I said to my friend "That's great that she's still going out and doing fun things at her age". Then I paused and asked my friend "Was she my age? Do I look like that?" Maybe that's what I look like when I go to bands by myself? I honestly don't know how old I look to people, and how old other people are anymore. Maybe I never did, and I'm just more aware of it (or self conscious about it).

Either way, just in the same way people talk to me when I'm at a gig by myself, we swept her up into our group. I suddenly realised she was exactly like me - she may have grown older than the people that like to do certain things but not ready to stop enjoying them. It was like seeing myself in a mirror, so to speak. 

May you never give up on what you enjoy, even if you have no one who wants to come along and do it too. You just miss out on too much if you let that slow you down.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideas. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Samuel Ullman

Linking with #MondayMusicMovesMe  #FriendshipFriday #KeithsRamblings   #TrafficJamReboot #FineWhatever (because dancing is one of my passions) 

Invisible

I have written a lot about with age you grow a cloak of invisibility that allows you to move through places unnoticed. However recently, that went to a new level. At Hot Dub I was standing in line for the bar. My friend joined me after about 10 minutes, returning from the bathroom.

The guy behind me started a fight with us about pushing in. Initially I assumed he was joking and laughed along with him. Then as his anger grew, I realised he was serious. I pointed out I had been infront of him the whole time, and even raised a conversation he'd had with the people in front of me and he still didn't believe me.

I had been actually invisible to him (and I have to say, he wasn't that young himself!). 

The next day at Harbourlife, the official photographer came and stood ON MY FEET and then leaned back into me to take photos. As he'd pinned me to the ground, I just had to stand there until he finished. It was surreal, and I turned to the guys behind me to check if they could acutally see me and I wasn't infact a ghost who didn't realise it. They looked at me and shrugged, not knowning what I should do.

So I seem to now either get double takes, looks of horror/mirth or patted on the head or back like a toddler OR I'm completely invisible. 

It is hard this ageing business....

Linking with #WWWhimsy #Unlimitedlinkparty  #MCoW #WeekendCoffeeShare #SeniorSalonPitstop