'You are Old, Lydia.. Do you think, at your age, it is right?'

I have been reminded of the poem in Alice in Wonderland - You are Old, Father William. While the questions were not asked of me directly, I had FOUR instances in a week where I was reminded of my age and at times of my seemingly (to them) inappropriate behaviour.

Firstly, a young man covered in tatts, stood up and moved away from the red seat on the train so I could sit there. Firstly, I don't think I look like a red seat user (for those OS, it is for elderly, physically infirm or pregnant people). Secondly I could have just say next to him on the blue seat. So at best he thought I was old or at worst he thought I'd be scared to sit next to a guy covered in tatts. As someone from the Inner West, that part hurt more. Obviously my vibe I think I have is not the vibe I give off. I am much more conservative and suburban looking than I realise.

Next, I went to Fridayz and when Lil Jon came on, I jumped up like everyone else (He was great, by the way - not in the 'so bad, it's good' way that I was expecting, just really great!). I was dancing frenetically when I noticed the people next to me and behind me were laughing at my enthusiasm. Now, I will take this at festivals from the 18 year olds but NOT from the 40 year old behind me, when I am dancing to music that is 20 years old  Anyway, they had to pull their heads in because when all the jumping started, they didn't even try and I am a little bone density ever-ready bunny....In your face. in this case I was not old, I was just OG. (Note the song below has very offensive lyrics, not suitable for work).

And then, at Sonny Fodera, this woman sort of dances in front of us, facing us - so I'm pretty sure her friend was filming her dancing with the weird old ladies. We just ignored her and she went away. She later came back and grabbed me and said "You're my new icon". Now I've heard this enough at festivals to know where it's heading so as I didn't want to kill my vibe, I cut to the chase "What, cos I'm old?" I smiled. She was taken aback and then back peddled like crazy "No, not at all. You're here living your best life. You exude joy". I forgive her because I did feel like joy was radiating off me, I could 'feel' it so I like that concept, even if she had been doing it to laugh at us.... (This clip does have a bare stomach and low cut top but I would say still fine for work...Unless there are rules about that - just normal clothes, not overtly sexual).

 

Lastly, I was at Harris Farm with just a basket, that was pretty full but nothing too crazy. I have spindly little muppet arms so it doesn't take much for my muscles to strain. This guy comes up to me and asks if I need help carrying the basket! In what universe does that happen? How old do I look? I laughed and said no thank you, but I wish now I'd said yes, just to see how that played out - was he seriously going to stroll around the supermarket with me while I shopped?

This was in a seven day period. It is deeply disturbing. Clearly, how I think I look is not how I look to others.

Worse, apparently how I feel is nothing like my outer shell.

"We are always the same age inside" Gertrude Stein wisely said, but she forgot to mention it's the outside that everyone else sees, and there's no hiding that! Worst of all, they want to remind you of it!

Linking with #WWWHimsy #YourtheStar #FineWhatever 

"Mirrors are perpetually deceitful. They lie and steal your true self. They reveal only what your mind believes it sees." - Dee Remy

Someone I know online was complaining about how they looked. I know those words too well, the ageing appearance that creeps into your vision, noticing not so much as how you are, but how you are no longer...

The irony is, she put up a really lovely photo. Not false modesty but not seeing herself as the rest of the world sees her. I had said to her 'We judge ourselves more harshly than reality, so don't listen to that a$$hole in your head!'

My body shape has changed with age, and for once I carry weight on my waist. I puff up and down on a daily basis it seems. Making  decisions on what to wear always a last moment choice if in the evening. 

I was going to see Alison Wonderland at Machine Hall, but before that, stopping by to see Headstrong at Oxford Arts Factory. I was wondering what to wear as both venues and performers were different style requirements.

Then I remembered I am old and will look like an out of place weirdo at both regardless of my outfit and I genuinely relaxed and figured I would wear what I liked as I was going to look out of place anyway....Problem solved!

So for comfort, I dug out this dress. I always get compliments in it, which makes me laugh.

Hilariously, it is 22 years old. How do I know, you ask? 

It's a maternity dress.

I actually wanted to let BellyBasics know how excellent their quality as it's still in pristine condition but it appears they are no more. The dress outlasted the company.

It's my go too whenever I decide I am too fat for all my clothes. Or if it is super hot and I just want something loose. I always put it on, feeling depressed and thinking I look ridiculous. Then someone at the party or in the line for the bathroom will come up to me and tell me I look great and ask me where I got it. And that is the lesson that what we see is tainted by what we think. 

If only we always saw ourselves through other people's eyes....

Linking with #TalkaboutitTuesday #SeniorSalonPitstop #Stylewithasmile #WWWhimsy  #TrafficJamReboot #MondayMusisMovesMe 

Note a slight swear word - hard to make out but not suitable for work if strict and flashing lights. A Sydney local band.

 

Feet, don't fail me now!

 As all the young ones plan their outfits for Ultra, my friend and I are testing out footwear. It's a big day - last year we covered 26 km, dancing and jumping in the crowds for 9 hours. It's so fun but my feet are really giving me trouble. It's almost embarrassing how much this comes up in our conversations.

I think I have plantar fasciitis or some sort of arch problem. I'm doing exercises with the spike ball, wearing flamingo feet and testing out all different shoes and inner souls - anything to get foot wear that will cope with 8 or more hours of energetic dancing.

There was a question on twitter asking what was the one menopause symptom you'd get rid of, and for me, it's the feet thing. I hobble first thing in the morning and if I lie down to watch tv at night, when i get up I'm limping all over the place.

I can still do my 11km walks but I worry I'm on limited time.

So, send me your tips - I have a month to get it all in order.

As I started writing, I was reminded of this song in The Wiz. It's very much all my feels. Funny what lies dormant in your brain until recalled.

I've seen Garrix twice before but he is the reason we're going again. He is definitely worth the journey....

Linking with #WWWhimsy #TalkaboutitTuesday #TrafficjamReboot #AnythingGoes #Mondaymusicmovesme #SeniorSalonPitstop

“We project to others the image of ourselves that we believe and carry in our own minds. With humble pride think well of yourself and others will do the same.” -Cloudia Charters, Comfort Spiral

 A friend of mine is getting married. She’s had rough years of marriage breakdown and rebuilding a life as a single parent. She’s now met a lovely man and they are cementing a life together. She recently made a comment about losing weight before the wedding.

It got me wondering, how do we as mature women, having lived a full life and embarked on a menopausal journey, still be reduced to this? I am not immune. I was listening to a book on menopause for another post and while my symptoms are manageable, I did start to wonder if I should take HRT to shed the pounds that have decided at this stage of life to suddenly live around my middle. I did shake that idea away but I will admit I pondered it longer than I’m proud of.

Why do we still rarely see wrinkles in movies or a size 14 on tv? Why are all our achievements eclipsed by a few pounds in the ‘wrong’ places?

We are meant to be the guiding lights for our daughters, but I find I’m learning so much more from the younger generations than those that came before me.

I was at the Sumo when the host made a joke that was deemed a ‘fat’ joke and the audience quickly turned, making it clear it was unacceptable. The MC hastily back-peddled and I was a little proud at how far we have come in this mentality, at least when it comes to others. Or is it just when it comes to men?

I am exercising more and trying to eat more cautiously but most of all it’s my thought processes I’m trying to work on. I’ve been experimenting and whenever I wear a dress I think I’m a little too out of shape for, I almost always get a compliment from a stranger. 

Even at this ripe old age, what I see in the mirror is distorted by the beauty standards of my youth. Intellectually I understand this but over-riding the critical vision is much harder.

My question – who put it in there and why is it so hard to update?

As for my friend, I told her to enjoy the dress and she will look wonderful. Confidence is like make-up that covers up our flaws…

(This was a guest post written for & originally posted on #WWWhimsy)

Linking with #HappyNow #TheRandom TrafficJamReboot #WowonWednesday #ConfidentTwosday

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

 

A friend and I went to the closing party of the Festival of Sydney. Before we went in, we chatted to a woman who was there by herself. She didn't come in with us but later, I saw her enter and I waved her over. So she joined us while we were sitting and talking. She had decided last minute to come, having seen the main act give an art talk the night before.

When we went to dance, I included her but she didn't come with us. After about 10 minutes she joined us and we all danced together. She had obviously thought it over and decided 'why not?' My friend and I decided to leave early before the main act came on and she pleaded "Don't go! It will get better!" It was 10.30 on a Sunday night though so we just weren't into it enough to stay (and we have Rudimentals on Tuesday so plenty of dancing ahead of us).

On the way home I said to my friend "That's great that she's still going out and doing fun things at her age". Then I paused and asked my friend "Was she my age? Do I look like that?" Maybe that's what I look like when I go to bands by myself? I honestly don't know how old I look to people, and how old other people are anymore. Maybe I never did, and I'm just more aware of it (or self conscious about it).

Either way, just in the same way people talk to me when I'm at a gig by myself, we swept her up into our group. I suddenly realised she was exactly like me - she may have grown older than the people that like to do certain things but not ready to stop enjoying them. It was like seeing myself in a mirror, so to speak. 

May you never give up on what you enjoy, even if you have no one who wants to come along and do it too. You just miss out on too much if you let that slow you down.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideas. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Samuel Ullman

Linking with #MondayMusicMovesMe  #FriendshipFriday #KeithsRamblings   #TrafficJamReboot #FineWhatever (because dancing is one of my passions) 

"It's not how old you are. It's how you are old." - Jules Renard

 Following on about last week's post about squeezing back into my wedding dress...I did indeed squeeze back into it. I did my make up and then went to put on the super high shoes before walking out the door, only to discover they didn't fit. At all. It was like the ugly stepsister trying to squeeze her massive feet into the dainty slipper. They could not even go in. I wore them to a wedding in 2019 and they were fine.

So this is an age or menopause thing.

What it was, was depressing. I found another pair of shoes that had to do.

I sat in the uber googling what was the cause of mystifyingly enormous feet.

Possibly menopause as the estrogen affects the collagen production (a building block in the connective tissues. Feet get wider (but not longer). It explains the foot issue after jumping too much at gigs that I complained about here. It may not be the Converse's fault. Just the old lady's fault for continuing to exist in her less than newly minted body. The old lady's fault for trying to keep doing what she's always done, against the wishes of the ravages of time.

I will say this again, when kids are taught puberty, they need to also be taught menpause. I did HSC Biology and I still keep getting unpleasant surprises that feels like my body is decaying from within, only to discover it's all perfectly normal.

Apparently we need to get our feet measured every time we buy shoes once we age....

I feel increasingly alien in this body of mine - it's no longer the shape it always was, and my face is weathered & worn. While I'm working hard on unlearning the beauty standards wired into me, this surprise attack of the feet has set me mentally aspin.

I'm sure he was meaning this in more complimentary terms but this speaks volumes to me at the moment.

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”
― Robert Frost

I feel very much unsuspectingly ambushed by time. It's both physically painful (literally at times) and mentally uncomfortable to know 'With every year, my personality becomes more inappropriate'. However, it is better than the alternative...

Linking with #Stylewithasmile 

"If you love something, wear it all the time." Vivienne Westwood

We have a formal event on the weekend. My go to outfit for this kind of dress code is my wedding dress. The last time I wore it was 2019  and the intervening years of lockdown eating and menopause have not been kind. My bodyshape has changes.

I read somewhere that the ideal weight is the one when you stop worrying about it, so I've tried to think like that (or not think, more accurately) but when I tried on the dress is was very tight and looked curvy in all the wrong places. 

I do have a back up outfit that looks okay, but I think I'll stick with the dress (unless I catch a glint of horror in my husband's eye - he would never say I look terrible straight to my face, but the thought might sneak across his face). I'll try to chanel the confidence of these ladies, and the great lesson I learnt that night becuse the dress is so beautiful and it might just be the last time I get to squeeze into it.

I am hoping the luxury of wearing the dress, it's beauty and the magic of the all the memories woven into it's material is enough to carry me with confidence and more importantly, feel beautiful.

It holds not just the day of our wedding, 24 years ago but a dinner on the Eastern Oriental train on our honeymoon, countless nights of merriment at Mayorall Balls, wearing it to a formal dinner when newly pregnant and smiling at the sheen of the curve in the velvet on my previously flat belly, dancing the night away to great music with at a family wedding, and most recently, wearing it after a long hiatus at another wedding and feeling so very happy it still fit.

I will be sad when it no longer fits, as it's as beautiful as it first was, and timeless in style and looks brand new. 

So wish me luck that I can enjoy the dress on the night. For that is what this dress is made for. To feel beautiful and to party....

“Clothes mean nothing until someone lives in them” - Marc Jacobs

Do you have clothes that are special to you?

Linking with    #FineWhatever

“We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out." - Colin Mochrie.

I went to the Melbourne Museum to see Tyama, and figured while I'd there I'd quickly check out what else was on. I wouldn't have even gone if the 'art lab-esque' experience wasn't on.

When the kids were little, we went quite a few times with Melbourne friends. But it's been a good decade or so since my last visit.

As I hit the dinosaur section, I almost thought I'd skip it as I was pushed for time. Then I was hit with nostalgia. I spent so long in museums with my Dino-mad toddlers. I knew all the names and we had so many picture books on them - both fiction and non fiction. It's a common foible as this quote by Matt Smith sums up succinctly “As a kid, I knew all of the dinosaurs. It's one of those tragedies that I've forgotten what dinosaurs are cool.”

The Triceratops: Fate of the Dinosaurs is an engaging exhibition and visually beautiful. I enjoyed it as much as I used to with the kids. While my happy reminiscence tainted my experience, I do wonder why we stop exploring these hubs of learning as we get older? When we travel we go to museums, but at home? My husband and I rarely treat ourselves to this luxury. We go to movies or restaurants but the planned activity is never 'let's see the new exhibition at the X museum?' Why is that? Why do we relegate it to fun for children?

So why not a Torschlusspanik task, I am going to try to change that. Along with the art gallery excursions, I'm going to revisit the Sydney museums regularly...don't ask me when, but it's on my radar now. Maybe that line 'when I became a man, I put away childish things' in Corinthians is too harsh. Maybe the trick is to grow up, and behave and reason like an adult, but keep the enjoyment of childish things alive? Or maybe they aren't childish and we judge them incorrectly. Like puppetry or circus, in Australia viewed as entertainment for children, and in Europe, an art to be enjoyed by adults?  I for one will start getting my old bones around even older bones...

Maybe it's how you avoid becoming a dinosaur yourself?

And if you don't believe me on the dinosaurs, check out the rainforest IN the museum!! Something there will nourish your soul!

Linking with #HappyNow and #HappyTuesday with this reminder that we need to revisit the things that used to make us so happy....because they probably still do and it's a fast track to happiness!

“The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.” ― H.L. Mencken

Excuse this rambling post, as the setup is long and jumbled, but it's something I'm grappling with in mild horror at the moment. I also want to apologise in advance for the ageism in the question, but it's where I'm at so there's no way to avoid it. I do want to say I am old and okay with getting old except at the idea of what I'm about to explain.

A few week's ago, I went to reply to someone on twitter with a joke, and saw I'd written such an 'Okay Boomer' thing to say, I was horrified. I deleted it before pressing send but it was too late. I took days to get over it. I couldn't believe my instant reaction was to make such a pissy comment*

Then the other night we saw some comedians, who used to be so edgy and extreme. I'd dragged along five friends and was mortified at how bad it was. It wasn't offensive, it just wasn't funny. They seemed old and out of touch - and genuinely unaware of a few things going on in the world. They seemed so conservative and entitled. It was sad and a little pathetic. Some of the audience left (presumably out of boredom) and one of my 5 whispered to my husband "This isn't funny" so it wasn't just my high exectations because I see a lot of comedians.

Returning home that night, I discover Nelson Piquet called Lewis Hamilton the N-word. On tv. Who does that?? Anyway, I felt the FIA and Mercedes statements in solidarity with Lewis weren't much better. They didn't seem to understand that Lewis being a world champion and his work in diversity were irrelevant and even if he was the unpaid intern sweeping the floors of the garage, no one deserves to be called that dehumanising term (nor should the little kid in the stand have to hear it). 

I then posed to an online group I'm in, the question (giving the above examples) and asked "Are we destined to become offensive and irrelevant as we age? Do we become conservative or do we not change and the rest of the world evolves without us?"

The default response from people saying they hate cancel culture only seemed to prove my point. I had specified the comedians didn't say anything offensive so we weren't even talking about cancel culture, unless you consider it cancelling because they were boring.

One friend, older than me pointed out that it's the problem of unwittingly living in a bubble that doesn't evolve as society changes around it and that others avoid getting caught and remain relevant.

Another stated "Offensiveness is not guaranteed, Being a bit less funny over time may be inevitable".

One said 'Our world view shrinks because at "our age" we need less validation, as we've reached the heights we have and therefore have less to try hard for' (I'm still pondering this comment, to be honest. As it's sort of it but sort of living in an antiquated bubble with some arrogance).

A female friend, the only female to answer said sometimes she hears her kids talking and realises how irrelevant any comment she made would be if she tried to join in. I did wonder if women notice this more because we have to grapple with age and our looks - we become invisible due to our appearance so we're more aware of it.  (My husband doesn't think of himself as old, and I know I'm old - but he is older than me).

I ran the whole scenario past my 26 year old Chiro (I'm sure I'm his favorite customer....ha!) and he said I should just wear my irrelevance as an amour and own it, but if I wanted to slow down the process, I should hang out with more Millenials. I pointed out I was having an existential crisis, not completely delusional and I was well aware young people didn't want to hang out with me!

I had lunch with friends who were bemoaning their daughter's nose ring. I pointed out that the world had changed on that and everyone has those now but no one was interested in that point of view. I sat feeling the gulf widen ever so slightly around me.

Is there no avoiding this? Do we just become out of step with the modern world with age? Is there something more to it? Is it living in the echo chamber? Can it be avoided? While I was horrified in myself at the tweet, I'm now terrified I've become Nelson Piquet in some way - maybe not on that slur but some other thing I'm completely oblivious to...(quite possibly in ageism ironically).

So what say you? And please, please, call me out if I ever become Nelson Piquet!

Linking with #TrafficJamWeekend #WeekendCoffeeShare (Apparently this is MY midlife crisis. Not looks. Relevance.)

*The person on twitter was saying it was only 2pm and they felt like a drink but they couldn't because they had an evening of one on one meetings with students at high school. I went to say, in jest, 'Have the drink, they're probably all drunk too' then was mortified that's where my brain went even as I typed it.

Interesting, when another friend questioned her relevance a few years back, I couldn't believe it and gave her a big pep talk. Now here I am in exactly the same boat. Perhaps I need to read my own words.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

Last night the Wednesday Club went to a pop up video game arcade in the Sydney Tower Eye. It's a neon 80's bar with sparking views of the city and all the games that I loved in my teens and 20's - Galaga, Sega Rally, the moto bike one and pinball. 

While I raced a friend on the bikes, I was reminded of in my work days in the 90's, I would make collegues spend a lunch break in timezone for the Sega Rally Championship and we'd race each other for the office winner. I loved it. It was so fun. We'd return to the office so hyped up and bubbly, buoyed on the fun and excitement - almost an adrenaline rush, if you will. It was the perfect antidote to stress or boredom.

I had a friend return from an interstate visit to her aging parents ring me and say "It made me realise the importance of not just focusing on your kids and work. I need to maintain my friends and get some hobbies. The problem is I don't really have any."  This seems to be quite common. How do we get to our age and have such a small world focus?

Another friend a week later, was talking about the need to find things she liked to do before she retired.  Having declined the Wednesday club a few years ago, she's joining now to add some variation into her evenings, now that her work is less consuming.

While cleaning out a wallet from those Sega Rally Championship work days, I found this card. It was for a business I don't recall, so I presume I kept it because I liked the quote. 

I know I ask this repeatedly, but why do we stop doing things we find fun?

Linking with #Weekendreflection - see the disco ball above the city?

It was a big turn out for the Wednesday Club, 11 of us for the event and the 7 of us kicked on at a bar. I can't remember the last time I wandered the streets and sat in a bar with a group that large if not going out to dinner. This is a simple thing but it really sparked happiness. Why do we stop? Laziness?

They also had the dance machine game, and I loved playing that having never really played it before. I am now determined to hire one for a party or hold a dance off in an arcarde somewhere....if only I can get people to come. It was hilarious, joy-inducing, energetic fun!

I know lockdown really heightened this feeling for me, that I'm wasting so much time (my life) not squeezing all the fun on offer out of it, but I find it curious that some of my friends are feeling it too. 

I'm hoping it means a few more friends will switch their default mode of NO to YES.

 "Make a commitment to having fun. See your best friends and make time for your hobbies and passions."

– Robert Holden.

Do you have a commitment to fun? What do you do?

Linking with#TellusaaboutPlay

“We are so old, we have become young again.” ― Hanya Yanagihara

 We are watching Rosehaven and last night in explaining why she hated birthdays, Emma said 'With every year, my personality becomes more inappropriate' and it hit me, that was exactly my problem.

I will see something fun to do and it gets harder and harder to find someone to do it with. I did make some friends about 10 years younger and they seem to be the ones that want to do things. My other friends are happy with just restaurants and movies most of the time. I want to try axe throwing and dress up adventures and go karting and a squillion other things - they types of things I used to pretend we were doing for the kids but now I'm doing them for me. 

I have really felt rhe weight of lockdown - two years of my life wasted while my body ages a little more. It will get physically harder for me to do things. And harder to find people to do things with. I often go to concerts alone as no one likes the music I like to dance to, or they don't want to stand for hours without a chair. I see the looks I get (of horror or amusement) from the other concert goers. Some will literally shriek in mirth 'OMG, you're so old!' (to which I reply 'OMG! I know!' and we all laugh at the weird old out of place lady).

I have no delusions of fitting in, but no desire to change. I do feel somehow justified by Emma's comment, as if this is some psyche assessment that I can accept. It also means, that if one of the writers of the show thought of that, there must be more people like me out there. I just need to find them! 

Linking with 

Age against the machine

 Melissa Doyle has made a podcast for Audible called Age Against the Machine on the many issues women face or feel as they age, and how to embrace ageing positively. It's worth a listen, though for me I was probably more ahead in my comfort level to gain much from it (all those times of being told how old I am at Festivals has weirdly boosted my confidence to just throw myself into things without worrying what people think, evidently). However I found it interesting all the same, so recommend it.

It gets different perspectives on ageing from around the world, on appearance, power, confidence and relevance. Our normal is not necessarily normal. Or maybe there are some warnings of where we don't want to follow.

The big takeaway for me came from a woman called Joan Nestle, an activist and author, among other things. She says "If history comes knocking at your door....Open it." As this country seems to be widening the inequity and inflicting so much suffering on the population, perhaps as we age we need to start carry the load for others. We need to demand change, not just for our own interests, but for what is ethically wrong. She finishes with "Don't be afraid to stand alone....Don't be burdened by the yoke of respectability and all that means...If you see there is a real need to step into an unsafe place, to make yourself marginalised because of a larger issue, do it...Knowing even if it was just once, you stood up and said "I can't accept this..." Perhaps the real thing we need to embrace as we age, is our responsibility to make this country, and the world, a better place for the generations to come. We have failed at that, however maybe this will be where we benefit most in purpose and drive once our children have left home and we settle into retirement?

As an aside, I have a very successful friend in a high powered job who is taking a dramatic pay cut to work for a non profit. Another friend has moved from a prestige workplace to do the same. It manifests in different ways but the drive to do something with meaning, over something that makes money, brings purpose and fulfilment in later life. 

I think of that meme 'Never pick a fight with a woman over 40. They're full of rage and sick of everyone's shit.' There is a nugget of truth in that, so perhaps we need to harness that rage to change the paradigm (a fancy word for other people's shit)?

This is not a podcast specifically on menopause but it does frame the headspace in a more positive lens for embracing it.

As always, it starts with you, it starts today.

Linking with 

“You can hide things from the world, but you can never hide things from time.” ― Kim Dong Hwa

 I'm okay getting older, and I'm more or less okay with my aging looks. However, it's the decaying body that is becoming a problem. I had an alarm bell moment this week that made me realise that my body would put a stop to certain activities in time, whether I wanted to do them or not.

For years we have done those rope courses with the kids. Big groups of us going to Treetops in Ourimbah or Minmi in the school holidays. I would be one of the supervising parents on the high course while one of the other parents would watch my baby/toddler/six year old on the low rope course.

I always found it fun and fairly easy. I didn't think twice when I decided to take the youngest and a friend to do the Treetops course at Pennant Hills this week, as she was finally tall enough to do the high course. It would be some fun forest bathing for us inner city mice.

But in the six years or so since I'd last done it, something had changed. My body had aged. I found even Green easy course tricky and less enjoyable because I lacked confidence. On the Blue course I got into the rhythm and thought "Oh, I'm just out of practice. I just needed to warm up." However on the Red course, I really hurt myself slamming into some wood posts and couldn't hold my weight on the swing rope and was exhausted by the time we finished. I had fun but it was hard and I was aware of my frailness. I am aware my days of this type of activity are finite. There is an end date, not set by my will or desire. It worries me.

I said to my husband, "They want to do the Black course when they turn 16. I don't think I'll be able to do it in four years time." I can't tell you how sad this makes me. Not specifically about the ropes course, but I am reaching the point in life where my body dictates my limitations.

While dangling from a rope, trying to pull myself into the climbing web, my daughter's friend apologised for picking the hard* route, not the easy route. I yelled at my daughter "When you are really hating my guts, just remember I did this for you". The two guys behind me laughed. 

Later at the lockers, one of the young men came up to me and said "Good on you. Mum of the f#cking year if you ask me!"** So I'm taking that title and owning it! Might even get it made into a tee for such occasions when I'm physically out of my depth.

I am looking at this endless COVID time with the same sadness, knowing I'm on the clock in terms of what I'll be able to do physically by the time we get the big festivals and travel and other fun stuff back. All I can say is make hay while the sun shines, because it gets cloudy sooner than you think.

Now off to do some agility training, in an attempt to steal some time back into this body.

* Always do the Hard route. The Easy route looked lame, even to me. Notwithstanding my fails, I would have regretted taking the easy route

** I suspect he knew I wouldn't be upset by the emphatic swearing due to what he may have heard coming out of my mouth when I slammed into the poles...

Linking with #FortheloveofBlog

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Life, Love and Dirty Dishes - I've left it as is because I thought you might be able to let me know what I need to do. When I past the code in HTML, that's what appears?