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Saturday, 14 September 2019

Lack of Relevance

A friend made a comment about greiving her lack of relevance. To me, though retired, this woman is actively contributing to society in an amazing way, promoting well being and certain organisations in an officially recognised manner so I was quite surprised her perception would be that, even momentarily.

I have another friend, though still very attractive, lament the loss of her looks, and how she used to be able to 'get' any man she set her sights on, and now she was 'invisible'.

Far too frequently, I read the stories of the empty nesters plummeting into a depression.

All wrapped up in a 'lack of relevance'.

Last night, I had a dream that I had to tell my husband that I couldn't have children anymore. He got very upset* and I was quite upset. In real life we decided we were too old to have children years ago, so why this dream was so medically elaborate with the testing, and why we were so upset is a little beyond me, but clearly, down in my subconscious, knowing this day is coming somehow was triggered by my discussion about lack of relevance the day before.

One thing I have found, as I've aged, is I'm running out of excuses. I have to make things happen, and I have to say yes more often to activities as the opportunities will eventually cease due to frailty. I can no longer say 'I'm too busy with the kids' not to actively protest the inequities (or just plain stupidity) in the world.

I guess like Grandma Moses, maybe the freedom old age brings is a blessing, if combined with confidence. The trick is just to do it, no matter what the 'it' might be.

Relevance refers to being 'Meaningful or purposeful in current society or culture' and I guess in this youth driven world we can feel that pass us by, especially as our own children become dynamic adults themselves. 

However, it also means 'Having a bearing on or connection with the matter at hand' and that is entirely up to us. At any point in time we can jump in feet first and start something - a new hobby, a new career even, or become a voice for those in need of one. 

If you are feeling lost, maybe now is the time to find out who YOU really are. You without the parameters set by others, Society has set a lot of rules for women but maybe now is your time to see what you can achieve unfettered.

Once free of the excuse of obligations, what will you do with your one and only precious life?**

Linking with #StayClassyMama #MLSTL  #KCACOLS, #TwinklyTuesday and #DreamTeam



*When I told my husband about the dream he burst out laughing and asked "Yeah, like we want to have more kids now!"
** Borrowing from Mary Oliver.



21 comments:

  1. This was really interesting to read. I can totally see where your friends are coming from however, I seem to be feeling the opposite as I get older. I suppose we all react differently and possibly in a few years I may experience what they are too! #kcacols

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    1. So do I. I lacked confidence and self esteem when i was younger, and I'm growing into a pushy old lady - hehehe.

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  2. Love this post and the just do it attitude. I feel I'm right at this stage. 50 has come and gone and it's now or never for things I still want to do #KCACOLS

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  4. How true! At 57, I am now checking off items in my bucket list - things that had been put on the back burner for too long. I plan to travel to as many countries as I possible can.

    #kcacols

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  5. Oh geez, that's funny, as a kid who developed earlier than most I prayed to be invisible. Wonder and hope things have changed for girls nowadays.

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    1. I go to festivals and concerts by myself and work on the theory I am invisible and push my way up the front near the barrier...hehehe. There's an upside to everything.

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  6. Really interesting point: it really is up to us to be, or feel, relevant. #DreamTeam

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  7. Thank you so much for this post. I have felt this myself, when my youngest started secondary school and the years of school runs were over, I felt a bit redundant. Having had a breakdown I have found myself thinking far more along your lines and it is a much better way to look at life. Thank you so much for this wonderful post xx

    #TwinklyTuesday

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    1. Thank you for sharing. I think your experience is far more common that women let on. I think it manifests with men later in life (when they cease work or move into lesser roles at work). I'm glad you're on the rise. Perception is so important, and ours to manage.

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    2. And not as easy as it sounds. (Pressed publish too quickly)

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  8. This is such an encouraging post! I am 33 and in many ways "irrelevant", in that I don't work, study or parent. I sometimes feel this as a burden, but I'm trying to see it as a blessing. Like you say, the freedom of old age, but at a relatively young age. #twinklytuesday

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    1. Never irrelevant - potential to be dynamic and purposeful is limitless!

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  9. I absolutely think that sometimes you just have to get on and do 'that something' that makes you happy. I think it's fair to say that as we get older, things shift and our relevance is going to be different. Onwards and upwards though :-) Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam

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  10. I think whatever age you are you can experience feelings like this. It's often hard to find your "relevance" in the world. Maybe what is important is to find what is relevant to you? If that makes sense??!! #KCACOLS

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  11. Interesting read, can't help but think the feeling of relevance can hit at any age. Definitely something that's crossed my mind once in a while. Thanks for linking up #twinklytuesday

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  12. This post is very relevant. I often feel as though I am past it. But I do still have some value. Good ideas #KCACOLS

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  13. I think women in particular feel a bit lost once the kids are grown. Our sole purpose has suddenly gone and whilst we feel proud, we also feel bereft. This is then followed up on retirement for men and women when our sense of purpose seems to have gone. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

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  14. I adore this inspiration post and actually it kind of resonated with me. I especially felt like this after the birth of my daughter. I kind of felt I have served my purpose. But you're right! Lets do something for ourselves! Thank you so much for linking up with #kcacols and we hope to see you next time!

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  15. I think it is what we put meaning on to but definitely relevant in the social media age for sure X #kcacols

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