"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see" Henry David Thoreau

The last lockdown was really hard for me for a number of reasons, and the post COVID world is difficult and confusing, even though we have yet to catch it. I have spent more time reading and thinking about it, and more importantly, trying to manage it safely at times when I think the government is being irresponsible. I heard a terrible story from friend about a little baby with COVID turned away from hospital and the GP who had sent them had no idea what they could do. It was very distressing and I decided I didn't want to be a contributor to those deaths in any way, and so I had to not catch it, and more importantly, not spread it. It is a very difficult headspace to navigate.

I have spoken before about how we are changed by this, in ways we aren't aware of until it bursts fotth upon us, and I expereinced it again last night.

In the 5km lockdown, I went to pick up takeaway from Long Chim which sits right on my 5km line and the empty laneway with the bird cages brought tears to my eyes. I lamented that I wanted my city back. By that, I really meant I wanted my life back. My very lovely life in a beautiful city with a lot to offer, that was a luxury I took for granted until now. I was hit with the loneliness and isolation, and a sense of loss that lockdown gave me. And I was well aware I was one of the lucky ones, and my heart broke for those that had suffered greater losses, both personal and financial. Those that had to live in fear, those that lacked access to basic needs and protections. Those who were dealing with a great many deaths on a personal level. Those unable to be with their dying. Those dying alone.

Come January, I had booked a number of Sydney Festival shows, and had been to a number of the free events too. I've been enjoying the city and the arts, and things I love. Last night was the absolutely magnificent Italian Baroque with Circa at Angel Place. It was exactly the show I needed. It was beautiful, both visually and musically, it was funny and charming. It was awe inspiring and mesmerising. It was not of this time and place. It was an escape. It was the perfect antidote to these confusing and sad times.

On arrival, as I rounded the corner, I saw the cages but this time above diners in the restaurants, people walking to the recital hall, fairy lights strung across the bars and laneway. It felt almost like a mirage, but it was really happening. My heart expanded in happiness. I could physically feel it!

So two pictures but percieved through a different lens. To other viewers, they are probably the same. To me, they are grossly different. 

And that, I guess, is one of the lessons in life. How we view the world is impacted by how we are experiencing the world.

That's what people talk about when they talk of privilege.

 

May we get to the end of this without losing too much. Our human cost is already too great.

Stay safe everyone, but also reach out to friends and family. Everyone is struggling in some way, even if it isn't evident.

Linking with #TrafficJamWeekend and #InspireMeMonday

Covid lockdown - share my snaps!

I am thrilled to be getting out of lockdown. I have no faith that the government is doing the right thing but I am figuring once the kids go back to school it is irrelevant what I do as they'll be mixing with a huge pool of people from all over Sydney. So other than making sure the youngest is fully vaxxed by then, I'm just rolling with it and trying not to worry to much.

I hope this is the last we see of this for awhile, though suspect our xmas plans and Jan holdays might see us back in lockdown.

For now I am looking forward to saying goodbye to the empty places. 

The chalked signs are positive.

Even encouraging community games.

The professional graffiti artists are getting angrier.

Redacted.

Back in July a few weeks into lockdown the vibe was very different. I was more positive about it. Then in August the sadness and fatigue was setting in. Don't get me wrong, I don't beleive we should be cavillier with the deaths, whether aged or with underlying conditions, and I do think in Australia we've so far been spared what most of the world has gone through. I just hope it isn't about to hit us. We are no better than the people in Squid Game if we are allowing deaths for our own self interest. Like them, we need to choose to work together to demand the safety of all, even if it costs us something.

For now, I am celebrating the pending return of some sort of social life, and hoping it is all behind us. 

Take care in October people.

Linking with #Lifethisweek and #WeekendCoffeeShare, because if we were sharing coffee, we'd be picking a date for dinner out and which restaurant, while also discussing our concerns about openning up. It's a verty strange and confusing time.

Also linking with #TrafficJamWeekend #OurWorldTuesday #MCOW #WednesdayAroundtheWorld #WordlessWednesday

Covid in Pictures - Sadness and Hope

Linking with#BlueMonday

 

It fills me with sadness seeing the normally bustling bars and restaurants closed. 

Last night, the news that the iconic Golden Century has going into Administration. Hopefully like Din Tai Fung, it can manage it's way out of this hard time. (I know where our takeaway is coming from this weekend - I think XOPP is still doing takeaway - will amend once I know for sure - I couldn't get them on the phone so maybe not?)

The dining precincts are ghost towns and the streets are devoid of people.

Linking with #RubyTuesdayToo

The normally crowded White Rabbit Gallery was eerily bare as was Spice Alley.

However there is some humour and cheerfulness. The local toy shop has this display, and the streets are full of bears and funny takes on what is happening....

I really hope we get on top of this soon. I was looking for a quote on the impact of empty streets but this one sort of seemed applicable so signing off with a less inspiring quote this week.

“Newly infected people continued swarming the streets at a rapid pace and infecting anyone in their path.”
― Jason Medina, The Manhattanville Incident: An Undead Novel

As if we could forget.

Linking with #WednesdayWithoutWords & #WeekendCoffeeShare as I'm really getting sad and fed up with lockdown and Covid. We had all that time, why didn't we prepare more?

Lockdown in pictures

 I found my camera reel changed during lockdown last time, and it's already happening with this lockdown. 

Did you find your surrounds change rapidly when thrown into lockdown?

Stay safe, everyone.  If possible, support local. Mask on, chin up!

Linking with  #FriendshipFriday

Extension Blues - self care

Even though I knew it was coming (and it had only been two weeks), the extension of lockdown hit my mood hard. I am finding this lockdown so much harder than the last, and it's only just beginning. Chatting to a doctor friend,  she said all her friends were the same, and their teens were all really lethargic and waking up late morning...

So the announcement of another week, online school and extended dullness (with pending tighter restrictions when we are 'released') just threw me down in the dumps.

I had tickets to Hot Dub, Tim Minchin and Miss Peony, all  rescheduled from 2020 and now all postponed further (some of them are now on their fourth date!). I can no longer go to Minchin as it clashes with another event. I had a party, champagne club and a night out dancing at Soda factory all nixed. Plus the school holiday adventures in Bowral and the Hunter. My youngest, having missed Snowtime in the Hunter Valley Gardens two years running will probably have outgrown it by next year. So I am feeling the clock ticking on these stagnated years. Missed opportunities that will never come back. The sand is passing through the hour glass but we are not doing anything with it, just watching it go by as a spectator, not a participant in life.

However, I understand this thinking is not helpful to anyone, least of all the kids, and as I steer the emotional ship so to speak, I could not dwell in the negative. So after sitting in my sorrow for a bit, I got to work in lifting my mood.

I ordered way too much Din Tai Fung to be delivered next week as a treat. (They have a special that you get $20 off orders of $100 or $50 off $200 for frozen items). I discovered the ping pong table at Everleigh and we will head there today with paddles and balls for something to do. There are no people around so all good.

Our dart board arrived and I set it up outside so we could play in the fresh air. I played with two of the kids individually, so we had some one on one time in the sun. That has been harder to manage this time for some reason, so it really felt like I'd achieved something, and that made me feel good.

I did some dance cardio routines - and blood & oxygen pumping  hard through the heart will lift your mood, add to that the hilarity of not being co-ordinated enough to keep up with the 'double time', and it made me laugh as well.

I purchased access to Tomorrowland - the festival online for another year, so next week I'll have a lot of happy, upbeat music to listen to as I go about my day. (Timmy Trumpet's set was so hectic last year and I played it about four times in it's entirety. Even just watching the opening minute of the clip below brings a grin to my face, the endorphins are Pavlovianly entrenched now.

 

I organised to host bookclub online, so I see some friends.

I read my book in the bath for an hour.

These things are small but effective. While realistically, the extended lockdown isn't a big deal, it's important not to let those sinking feelings take hold.

How are you all coping?

What are your tips for shaking off the blues?

Linking with #Lifethisweek and #WeekendCoffeeShare

May the borders be ever in your favour!

 I've coined a new blessing for these post Covid times. Having been caught up in the border closure chaos in January, I'm a little gun-shy on venturing out of State (which is stupid but it's where my head is at).

I have a decision to make - we will only get one holiday this year, in April so I need to book soon. Do I risk it and book Tasmania or a Queensland island - or take a big risk and punt on WA or do I just plan something closer to home that we can drive to? Or do I just not bother at all?

It unsettles me a little that I'm overly worrying about this. Remember, I was the person that went to the northern most settlement on the planet because I was 'close' by. I have had a fear of flying for decades (stemming from a bomb scare and emergency landing when I was 12) but it's never been greater than my love of travel so I've sucked it up as a means to an end. Now I'm thinking 'Do I really want to be on a plane with that germy air?" and "Do I really want to sit next to a stranger, not spaced?".

More over, I'm thinking "Can I really be bothered dealing with refunds and credits again?".

A while ago, I said we were all a little changed by this. I am changed a lot. In a way I don't like. I guess it's really time to write that letter to my post-Covid self I talked about.

Not relevant but looks a little like the Mockingjay

So, I have a decision to make. Cast your votes in the comments:

1. Tasmania

2. Northern Territory

3. Heron Island

4. Kangaroo Island and Fleurieu Peninsula

4. Beach house in NSW

5.Suggestions?

Linking with #BlueMonday and #RubyTuesdayToo just for the photo.

Covid feels

While making a delivery in an industrial area, I really felt the COVID blues. It seemed to be a visual of the isolation and changed lifestyle this year has brought.

This photo  is for #WeekendReflection. Like the negative image of the skull and the images reflected in the windows, our life is currently reflected in pieces, feeling distorted and distant.    

This tag is popping up all over Sydney - it's surprisingly cheerful, amidst the ugliness.

 And, of course, the new normal. 

Linking with #MCoW #WednesdayAroundtheWorld  #WWOAT #RubyTuesdayToo and #BlueMonday (for the first shot! Finally got 2 in 1!!) #OurWorldTuesday #ThruMyLens

Loving life - lockdown ideas

While not in lockdown, I am still spending more time at home than normal We cancelled our daughters birthday party in the park because I thought it would be too hard to manage COVID numbers and safety. We've cancelled dinners and catch ups in bars. It's hard to work out what the right thing to do is. And it's boring. The whole disaster is overwhelming and tedious.

But it's not all bad news. Here's what I've been loving this week. In no particular order:

1. I got published in the Grieve Anthology again. I think this is now my 5th time? Anyway, I needed it as my last two stories didn't make the cut and for vanity alone I needed some 'approval'. I burst into a huge grin when I saw my name listed...They are going to show extracts over the next few weeks so if you're wanting to see short stories or poems each day, this could be something different for you.

2. Tomorrowland offered a relive ticket and you have until the 12th August to work your way through the sets. I'm loving getting to hear different DJs I may never see in real life. I was also so delighted and pumped up by Timmy Trumpet's set that I've listened to it twice! Best $21 I spent in lockdown! The energy of his hectic show is contagious and makes me smile all day with that beat embedded in my body if I listen (& dance) to it first thing in the morning. His new song is here but as I was Russia in my Eurovision competition, and my first song entrant was Vitas, I have to share this one...:

3.  Les Enfants Terribles The Prism. I've spoken about it before, but I just want to say I loved Level 3 and am sad it is over. If you haven't checked it out, it's great, and perfect for these days to spice up your universe. And free!



4. Was stoked to get my new Marvel mask (I asked for the child mask to be made in an adult size) from this Etsy site. But even more excited when I saw Max Frost is streaming a show (he was here in Jan) and with your ticket you get a Max Frost mask...trying to see if they'll send it to Oz for me...who knew mask fashion was the new black? Max Frost also has a COVID song but this is still my fav:

5. Got asked to do a review for Pulp Fury Radio. They're bringing back the radio plays in funky one hour pulp fiction genres...I'm halfway through the first one and it's cute and kooky (it's a sci-fi/horror). Will definitely come back to listen to the Noir and  Mystery which are more my preferred genres. If you need a short escape, it's worth checking out.

All up, having a great week. Not what life was, but could be worse...

What are you loving at the moment?

Linking with #FriendshipFriday

What would you write in a letter to your pre-COVID self?

There is a meme going round asking this question. When I saw it, my first reaction was 'Nothing. My preCovid self was doing it all right. It's my post COVID self that might need a talking to'. I asked some of my friends the question. Their answers were interesting. Missed opportunities, fears of staying at home, instructions for things they should have done and of course, stocking up on toilet papers jokes. For me, however, I think my preCOVID self was making the most of all the opportunities out there. A friend said to me, when checking in over ISO "You really take advantage of enjoying what the city has to offer, this must be so hard for you". I think that was a fairly accurate description.

However, as I mentioned before, I am a little changed from this experience. It's taken me by surprise. I was sure I'd be the first person at a restaurant when restrictions eased, however, so far we've stuck with take aways and having friends over. I've been running a poll with friends, asking if they've eaten in a restaurant yet. I'm more cautious than I was. I'm not sure I like this. This is not the person that sent us 13 degrees shy of the North Pole to be attacked by polar bears. This is not the two concerts in one night so as to not miss a thing mindset I used to have. This is not who I was back in March. It is apparently who I am now. I don't see it as an improvement. It doesn't 'feel' like me.

There are articles floating round on this 'new' attitude, and I could see a bit of me in this one. Rafiki Mwema has a webinar on Stepping back into the new normal which I plan to check out. I want my preCOVID self-back. I'm too old to waste time not sucking the marrow out of life. 

I have organised a group of friends to do a Mystery picnic come June, and I've my allotted 5 friends over for a dinner and dance (and champagne celebration) for the last Hot Dub at Home to farewell this not-so-splendid isolation, so it's not like I'm sitting around doing nothing....but still, I'm not who I was...and it worries me.

Hopefully it's just a minor adjustment, like physio after an injury. I guess noticing and not liking it is a good start.

Would you have a message for your pre-COVID self?

Or is it your post COVID self that needs a good talking to?

Linking with #NanaHood