The last lockdown was really hard for me for a number of reasons, and the post COVID world is difficult and confusing, even though we have yet to catch it. I have spent more time reading and thinking about it, and more importantly, trying to manage it safely at times when I think the government is being irresponsible. I heard a terrible story from friend about a little baby with COVID turned away from hospital and the GP who had sent them had no idea what they could do. It was very distressing and I decided I didn't want to be a contributor to those deaths in any way, and so I had to not catch it, and more importantly, not spread it. It is a very difficult headspace to navigate.
I have spoken before about how we are changed by this, in ways we aren't aware of until it bursts fotth upon us, and I expereinced it again last night.
In the 5km lockdown, I went to pick up takeaway from Long Chim which sits right on my 5km line and the empty laneway with the bird cages brought tears to my eyes. I lamented that I wanted my city back. By that, I really meant I wanted my life back. My very lovely life in a beautiful city with a lot to offer, that was a luxury I took for granted until now. I was hit with the loneliness and isolation, and a sense of loss that lockdown gave me. And I was well aware I was one of the lucky ones, and my heart broke for those that had suffered greater losses, both personal and financial. Those that had to live in fear, those that lacked access to basic needs and protections. Those who were dealing with a great many deaths on a personal level. Those unable to be with their dying. Those dying alone.
Come January, I had booked a number of Sydney Festival shows, and had been to a number of the free events too. I've been enjoying the city and the arts, and things I love. Last night was the absolutely magnificent Italian Baroque with Circa at Angel Place. It was exactly the show I needed. It was beautiful, both visually and musically, it was funny and charming. It was awe inspiring and mesmerising. It was not of this time and place. It was an escape. It was the perfect antidote to these confusing and sad times.
On arrival, as I rounded the corner, I saw the cages but this time above diners in the restaurants, people walking to the recital hall, fairy lights strung across the bars and laneway. It felt almost like a mirage, but it was really happening. My heart expanded in happiness. I could physically feel it!
So two pictures but percieved through a different lens. To other viewers, they are probably the same. To me, they are grossly different.
And that, I guess, is one of the lessons in life. How we view the world is impacted by how we are experiencing the world.
That's what people talk about when they talk of privilege.
May we get to the end of this without losing too much. Our human cost is already too great.
Stay safe everyone, but also reach out to friends and family. Everyone is struggling in some way, even if it isn't evident.
Linking with #TrafficJamWeekend and #InspireMeMonday
It's so good to appreciate things we love when we've been stuck in one place for too long.
ReplyDeleteIf there's one good thing to come out of this pandemic it is to truly appreciate all the beautiful things in life we always had access to prior to the pandemic (and hopefully will again) and of course the lesson you pointed out at the end of your post - how we view the world is impacted by how we are experiencing the world. So I guess we need to keep watch on our perspective & how we're thinking!
ReplyDeleteNothing like a pandemic to make you appreciate what's important. I think when "this" is all over, we'll all be suffering from a massive Covid hangover!
ReplyDeleteSo much here that rings true Lydia, for many it's the uncertainty and wonder if things will ever be as they once were. I agree how we view the world is impacted by how we are experiencing the world. I know I will never agin take many things for granted as I did two years or so ago! #lifethisweek
ReplyDeleteI think our lives (and we) will be forever changed after this. Even if we go back to 'normal' we'll have had this experience and it'll have changed us in some way. Impacted on us emotionally, mentally or physically. I think it'll take some time before I'm not shocked by strangers hugging on TV for example, or crowds.
ReplyDeleteI know I used to joke about elderly relatives' 'war' stories - though mostly of times after war when there were shortages of things and life was difficult and I'd roll my eyes, but I'm guessing we're going to be telling similar stories to future generations. At least I hope we are.... that things get better again and this is behind us. (But not forgotten.)
I have been very worried about my kids at school this year. I must admit that I enjoyed lockdown as it was great family time and time to grieve my husband's accidental death.
ReplyDeleteThen cost in the past few months has been horrendous and yet, the people in charge want us to "push through" and all that. I admit I have been changes by this because of the underlying levels of tension. Do I have covid? Don't I have covid? A big roller coaster we are riding and it's not over yet. Many thanks to you for linking up for Life This Week with a blog post. I look forward, I hope, to seeing you back on Mondays whenever that works for you! Denyse.
ReplyDeleteI have recently done tests thinking some tiny symptom must be a sign and then the minute I do the test it goes away. It's really making me neurotic.
DeleteI hear you, Lydia! The United States has reached over 900,000 deaths. The recent ones are mainly among the unvaccinated by 97:1. I find myself both angry and sad for those who refuse the vaccine. It’s sheer insanity to me. My husband and I ended up moving away from the city we loved - Las Vegas - because it just can’t be the same with Covid to contend with.
ReplyDeleteMichelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
It's so tragic and I am so uncomfortable with the cavallier way we talk about these deaths. There is a dr here on the radio who translates them into terms of plane crashes, and NSW (my state) has had the equivalent of 9 plane crashes with full fatalities since December. That has such an startling impact, compared to numbers we grow numb to.
DeleteSuch a poignant post Lydia. I completely understand your view point of missing our old lives. I also remember a moment in lockdown where I went to pick something up less than 3 mins walk from our home and I was really hit by the emptiness and silence. It's always so busy and noisy in London, so this felt surreal, but in a frightening way. Thank you for joining us for #mischiefandmemories xx
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that the UK government is ready to end all restrictions. There are immuno-suppressed people who are still not leaving their homes and they have just been forgotten. Hundreds of pople ar still dying every day in our country so I'm not ready to move on yet. Thanks for linking up with #MischiefAndMemories
ReplyDeleteIt is still hard to get my head around the pandemic too. I like yourself had a few quiet moments of sadness and then a little guilt thinking of those who have suffered greater than myself. Take care and I'm sure you will some day soon you will once again enjoy your wonderful city and all it has to offer xx #KCACOLS
ReplyDeletePeople really are so important and a good reminder to reach out to others #KCACOLS
ReplyDeleteThis pandemic has been so hard to all of us. We never thought we will be living with this virus for so long. My eldest daughter and I have caught it twice now. The second time was just a couple of weeks ago. It reached the 4 of us, one after the other one. It was a nightmare but at least we didn't feel too bad for too long. I really hope we don't have to deal with this virus for a while. Stay safe #KCACOLS XX
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