What I learnt from Elvis

Been quite sometime since I did one of these. and this will be quite short. However, we went to Elvis on the weekend, and while I'm not an Elvis fan, I am a Baz fan and it's a great film. I learnt quite a lot and was engaged the whole time (and it's long, so that's commendable). 

 

 1. One thing I did learn is Australians can be appallingly rude and selfish. One person was very sick and coughed the whole time - big hacking coughs, constantly. I was in a mask but I'm guessing they weren't so they have risked infecting everyone with whatever they have. Don't be that guy. It makes you a total jerk.

2. Tom Parker has a line early on 'It doesn't matter how many dumb things you do, as long as you do one good thing'. Now while that's not the best advice, I do think it's a good frame for your failures. If you keep trying success might erase all the times you failed.

3. Elvis and Segregation. It is clear in the movie, and with a little googling afterwards, that it was not so much the sexiness that was the problem, but that Elvis was a risk to push the de-segregation and civil rights movement forward and 'dismantle the fabric of society'. To say that, however, would not be as persuasive as to wind up the ire of the ultra conservative and make it about morals. Interesting we did the same thing with same sex marriage. People would argue that they weren't homophobic but Same Sex Marriage would somehow ruin their marriage or take away something from marriage, when really it had no relevance or impact on their marriage at all (the daft argument 'we have no issue with you people, you can still have a thing, just not our thing'. Segregation, much?). When people argue against something, we need to make sure the thing they're talking about is actually the real thing they have issue with. The author of Maus discussed this at the Sydney Writers Festival - the school boards were arguing that it wasn't the Holocaust they had issue with, it wasn't antisemitism, it was the naked lady picture that made them need to ban the book for. He, like me, couldn't remember a naked lady and had to go looking for it. It's his dead mother. Hardly a saucy image at all. In the Elvis film, I would have liked them to really hammer that home, as I think a lot of people fall for that kind of manipulation, and we need to be more aware of it when it happens, to not be duped in the same way.

4. Elvis wore a lot of pink, and eye make up. It didn't seem to really raise eyebrows. I googled and Priscilla said that he copied the eye make up from Tony Curtis and it wasn't that unusual for men to wear some eye make up at the time. Which I found odd, as I'd never heard of this. So if men could merrily get around in pink and eye make up in the 50's, when did we become so gendered on these issues? It did make me think of the Kanye quote: “Society has put up so many boundaries, so many limitations on what’s right and wrong that it’s almost impossible to get a pure thought out. It’s like a little kid, a little boy, looking at colors, and no one told him what colors are good, before somebody tells you you shouldn’t like pink because that’s for girls, or you’d instantly become a gay two-year-old. Why would anyone pick blue over pink? Pink is obviously a better color. Everyone’s born confident, and everything’s taken away from you”. 

5. There is a line by Elvis's mother, when he is coming under the ire of the powers that be "God put that in you, how can it be bad?" She's referring to the way he sings and dances, his talent. I did think for all those young kids, scared to be who they are in our weirdly homophobic society (for those OS there's been the most ridiculous carry on over a football jersey - it's too embarrassing to go into). But maybe that's what those kids need to be reminded of. The thing that makes you different often becomes your strength later in life.

Lastly, but I'm not making it 6. because that would muck up my symmetry. While I am not a big Elvis fan, I am a huge Baz fan. He can make great movies. I expected the visuals to be enough to entertainment but I was surprised at how interesting he made it, how intellectually thought provoking it was. Also how relevant it was in reflecting the dynamics still in action today. I learnt a lot, I needed to google a lot after the fact but I was also entertained. I liked how he had enough other music (modern takes on Elvis style songs) for the non fan to still enjoy it.

So two thumbs up from me. Worth checking out even if you can't stand Elvis music. But take a mask incase there are jerks in the audience, because it's a long time to be sucking in other people's germs.

Not in the movie, but this is my favourite Elvis song (and the most under-rated in my opinion).

Linking with #TheRandom

 

What I learnt from Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Well, not a lot to be honest. But it did raise some questions.

No spoilers here (or in the comments please).

Credit:WikiCommons :Cdt PatrickCaughey
Courtesy of U.S.Army

What I learnt? Well, that the COVID lockdowns have really changed a lot in us. When Patrick Stewart appeared, instead of thinking of X-men or his Godot with Sir Ian McKellan or any other aspects of his huge acting history, what popped into my mind was his Sonnet a Day in lockdown and the lovely comfort it gave me. It meant so much having something enjoyable to look forward to each day in that first lockdown where it was all so endless and weird. I learnt that Patrick Stewart, in particular that soothing voice of his, is a bigger superhero than Professor X ever was.

As for the questions?

There is a line in the film "Just because someone stumbles and loses their way, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever". 

It got me thinking. Where do we go with this - if trust is a problem, or someone is battling addiction or some behaviour that is not a one off?  Ideally, I'm 100% yes, what a lovely sentiment (which was why I wrote it down) but as the film wore on, I kept thinking 'but what about if they'd...'. So I'm curious what other people think of this? Yes in an ideal world, and yes we should try to forgive and assume the best BUT...does that happen? (Interestingly, in Made for Love, one of the characters says ''There's no such thing as starting over. It's a fantasy. But there's moving forward." Are they expressing the same sentiment, just from different view points?

We went for Mother's Day in Lux and the middle child who hasn't been to a movie with us in over a year came and I was so happy. So when my husband complained about the film choice, I pointed out that our son came and so it was a great film! I learnt that the company and others' pleasure is sometimes half the pleasure of the experience. That and you can now get a Negroni at Lux so that helps. 

The thing with Marvel, I have so much affection for Stan Lee and the concepts, that I'm committed regardless.

Lastly, I would watch movies set in half those Multiverse, including the paint one, which would make for an awesome art installation where you sit in a room and it's projected on all the walls around you. Just throwing tha idea out there for someone...preferably make it happen in Sydney so I can go. 

Linking with #LifeStories #TrafficJamWeekend #FriendshipFriday

What I learnt from Avengers:Endgame. (No Spoilers)

I will delete any comments that ruin the plot, so don't be that guy.

I'm only going to talk about three conversations in the movie, and won't assign the characters so it's safe to read on.

1.  On moving on, on purpose and responsibility:
"You jumped when you didn't know where you would come down. That's it. That's those little brave baby steps we gotta take. To try to become whole again, to find purpose. You gotta move on...The world is in our hands. It's left to us...We have to do something."
Anyone who has quit their job, left a marriage, lost their partner or even just had their kids out grow them, knows that there's work in rebuilding their life. Why not direct it towards building a better world? To borrow from an earlier Avengers movie, perhaps it's our responsibility to 'Reframe the Future'.

2. "Everyone fails at who they're supposed to be...A measure of a person, of a hero, is how well they succeed at being who they are." Having had a kid go through the HSC, and watching many more, I think as parents we need to park our ideas for our kids futures and focus on who they are and what they want. We are merely the diving platform from which they launch, not the judges on the landing.
There's another nice moment in this conversation where the hero is called a failure, but "you know what that makes you? Just like everybody else." There is not one person, no matter how great, who doesn't stumble from time to time. It's not a thing to dwell on, it's merely a thing to move on from. See point 1.




3. In a brief exchange between two quite modified beings, one says self consciously 'I wasn't always like this' to which the reply is 'Neither was I. But we do our best with what we got'. Life events will alter us, not always for the best. We can never really go back to how we were before, but we can learn to harness these modifications so they don't hinder us. We can make ourselves the best we can be with how we are now, foibles and all. Don't lament what you've lost, learn to work with what you have.

On the movie as a whole, I loved it. It's long but didn't feel it. I didn't get bored. I liked where they went with it. Pictures are from the Marvel Exhibition in Singapore awhile back - I told you, no spoilers!

My two favs - Cap and Stan

From the Brisbane Exhibition but couldn't leave him out *sigh*
It's who I grew up with.

Linking with #KCACOLS #StayClassyMama #DreamTeam #TwinklyTuesday #TriumphantTales and #FridayFeature

What I learnt from Dumbo

Without giving too much away, for anyone that doesn't know the story, there is a line in Dumbo that got me thinking:

'Your children don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to believe in them"

Now I know it's more complicated than that, this parenting business, but I'm watching people wanting to be actors and being pushed into degrees they really aren't interested in. I think perhaps we need to let them try, and possibly fail, then try something else. That's far more important than to regret not trying at all because our parents didn't ever believe in them enough. I don't think we really need to set out with a 'Plan B'. Like in the story that Mandy Patinkin told, maybe there's determination that we parents don't see through fear.  At least try when you are young, when you don't have dependants - that's the time to give these things a go.

Throughout the film, there are reminders to believe in yourself and others. Subliminal messaging and signage. Maybe it's time to back ourselves, and our children a little more.

Maybe it's time to let go of fear and our magic feather, and create the impossible.

As for the film, I liked it. My daughter found it very sad, I thought they'd dialed back on both the sadness and Tim Burtonesque appearance, which was a little disappointing but probably for appealing to the younger audience. Don't go in with expectations too high and you'll pass an enjoyable two hours.

Linking with #ParentPower (because I needed to read it and I may've dropped the ball on this with one of the kids this week...)

What I learnt from the HSC

I honestly believe the parents have turned the HSC year into a nightmare for most students. The expectation that they must go to Uni, the idea that the ATAR is so important and that it's the only thing that matters. Here are a few things I've learnt over the last year.

1. Two Universities mentioned that only 26% of students get in on ATAR. That to me also said that 74% get in some other way. So I started looking at the other ways, and let me tell you, there are plenty! In year 11 start checking out the Uni websites. There are scholarships and many early entry options. My daughter had one early entry offer prior to sitting the HSC, then got 2 more offers, all prior to receiving her ATAR. She did get guaranteed entry to the University of her choice with her ATAR, but there were options already there if she didn't. As I always say, you want options. If you have a choice, then it's your decision.

2. When the marks come out, celebrate the HSC day. Those HSC marks really don't mean anything (they're just numbers that look good and add up all together to a big number) so celebrate those. Even with a good ATAR, a lot of kids are disappointed because they didn't meet their expectation, so better if you're already had the celebration the day before.

3. Once you get in to Uni, or decide you aren't going to Uni, the HSC doesn't mean anything. And the ATAR is irrelevant. So breathe easy.

4. You want to travel or work straight from school, get that dream happening as quickly as possible. Satisfaction and self esteem (and drive) will thrive if you do. Not to mention you'll be getting real money. There's no need not to start working straight after exams.

5. If you want to go to TAFE or learn a trade, there are great options where you are paid to do the course. Track those down. It's just as good getting paid to learn as paying to learn. (Hint, it's actually better to be paid - they already see your potential).

6. If others don't see the value in what you want to do, hold your ground, keep your head high and prove them wrong. There are no jobs better than other jobs if they make you happy. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

7. Don't be scared if you don't have a dream. Just apply yourself to whatever the job is in front of you. There used to be a word meaning to travel purposefully toward an as-yet-unknown destination. It's Coddiwomple. Do that.

8. You don't have to wait until you reach your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud (and celebrate) every step you take. (quote from Karen Salmansohn).

9. If you like it, it doesn't feel like work. Maybe that's what you need to look for in a career path. And when you don't like it, maybe you change path. What you decide to do now, may (and probably will) change. What you actually start to do now, doesn't send you to an unalterable destination.

10. Always remember, opportunity dances with those already on the dancefloor. There is no right path, but you do need to get moving!

Last one is for the parents. You love your child but they aren't you. What you think is important might be irrelevant to them. Or they might need time to work out what makes them tick. When talking stress to a GP, she said 'I didn't get the mark I wanted out of school, and I couldn't get into the course I wanted to do, and I didn't even want to be a doctor. I started a different course, transferred into my course and realised I hated it. THAT was the moment I realised I wanted to do medicine.' Our measure of success applies to us alone. Everyone else has their own yardstick.

Good luck to future students, and to those starting out on their futures, remember the world is your oyster. Enjoy the exciting time of possibilities. Job satisfaction is the measure of success. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make that happen.

Linking with #Lifethisweek because point 2 is really important and now is a good time to remind people!

What I have learned lately (from Ladybird)

Image from Wikipedia

See what I did there? So sneaky...
I watched Lady Bird on the plane over to Singapore. Great little film with a few pearls of wisdom.

1. "Money is not life's report card"
I have a friend who has hit a reversal of fortune, however, compared to MANY people I know, still doing way better than most. Instead of growing up in his world view, he seems still focused on (in my opinion) all the wrong things. Money makes life easier, and fun, and takes stress out of disaster but your focus still needs to be on relationships and those things that really matter. I am amazed at people I know who have so much yet don't seem happy or fulfilled. A little more internal investment would help them much more than what's in their bank account.
With a child in their HSC year, it's interesting what occupations are coming up in conversations. Prestige in careers seems to be in a lot of parent's minds. It's sad. The child's desires are often dismissed. Surely what makes you happy and provides fulfillment is a good starting point. You can always chase the money after that...

2. 'Don't you think they're the same thing - love and attention?'
A very interesting point. Marriages fall apart when a spouse is neglected. Not paying attention to what matters to your partner will lead to loneliness. Not paying attention to children invalidates them. Perhaps attention is the best way to show our love?

3. When asked why she is crying, the response is 'Some people aren't built happy'. This broke my heart. Anyone who has tried to help someone with depression will know the pain of the illogical reasoning. You wish they could see themselves through your eyes. however, I do genuinely believe that they can be helped to be happy. It will take a long time and a lot of work, but it's a good reminder to those helpers not to dismiss the feelings. They aren't being selfish or self indulgent, they just aren't built happy.

Lastly, my favourite, when asked if she was any good at something, Lady Bird replies "Not that we are aware of yet". When trying something new, don't be daunted or presume you won't be good at it. You are simply unaware of your capabilities. Just because you haven't had success at your chosen enterprise, don't let that defeat you...YET.

Linking with #StayClassyMama

What I learnt from the Olympics

I adore the Winter Olympics, the skill and grace of the skiiers and boarders defies description - at least my clumsy attempt at describing their aerial highjinks. For two weeks I become an expert on sports I'd never heard about.

There were three high lights for me. The first, as I settled down to watch the Men's Final of the Halfpipe as my lunchtime break, while riding the exercise bike, an acquaintance in the US tagged me to see if I was watching it live. With the eleven thousand kilometres between us vanishing in real time, we facebooked our commentary of what we were seeing and if we thought the scores were fair. It was as if we were in the same living room watching the events unfold. What could have been a lonely experience for two people was shared. The world is indeed smaller than ever before, and that gives me hope for humanity. Perhaps we can see a little more how what we do impacts others, and how we can help those around us, after all, they may be only a few clicks away.

The second was from a tweet by Daniel Dae Kim, on the South Korean Women's short track relay. Early in their race, one of the women fell but the team kept pushing and made it from behind to break a record and nab a spot in the final - which they later won. Kim's tweet was merely "This is why you never give up. This is why it's not how you start, but how you finish." If you are stumbling or feeling out of your depth, it doesn't mean defeat is inevitable. Perhaps you need to make a few changes, or perhaps you just need to persevere. When the going gets tough, just remember, it's not how you start but how you finish!

Lastly, I learnt that if the country is not a traditional 'winter sports' country, then an athlete might decide to take up a sport the year before and go to the Olympics. So I'm deciding what won't be too scary or dangerous, as I'm too old to break bones and then I'll hit you all for funding to send me as the Oz rep of some random sport we don't compete in. I've got about two years to work it out, so start saving everyone!

What I learnt most of all, is that I miss the Winter Olympics. I'm counting down the days until Beijing, 2022!

Linking with #OpenSlather  #KCACOLS #StayClassyMama #FortheloveofBLOG #TwinklyTuesday, #GlobalBlogging & #Dreamteam

What I learnt from Thor: Ragnarok

We hit the cinema for a family movie night - the first since Guardian of the Galaxy when all 5 of us could sit down to a film together. I was a little worried about the youngest - it is rated M and a little scary. However, in the morning she drew a picture and showed me 'what I learnt from Thor'. We then promptly lost it so I have to show you a picture of Chris Hemsworth instead.

Wiki Creative Commons photo by Gage Skidmore

Spoiler ahead - don't read if dying to see the movie. Not a big spoiler tho, so don't worry too much.


There is a scene where Thor is about to give up because the problem is too big and he doesn't have his hammer. Odin replies "You're not the God of Hammers".
My daughter announced that she learnt that her superpower is in her all along.

And that is a very good lesson to learn.


(I also liked his throwaway line that he was 'going to tackle the problem head on...because that's what heroes do' instead of hiding from them.)


Linking with #FortheloveofBLOG and #TwinklyTuesday

PS My daughter also said that the biggest hero in the movie was the old man who cut Thor's hair. And every comic lover would agree.

What I learnt from Finding Dory (no spoilers)

Digital Parents and Subway organised a screening of Pixar's Finding Dory to promote the Subway Kidspak. Two lessons came home with me that day:

1. It is easier if you just forget about things. There are a lot of problems in the world, and some of them are just too difficult and inconvenient to take on. You can live a merry existence without hanging onto hurts and problems.

2. Sometimes, however, it will eat at you if you don't try to do something about it. As insurmountable a problem may seem, there's always another way.

Next time I'm pondering the impossible, I'll ask, what would Dory do? Maybe it's as simple as that.

Linking with #MummyMondays

What I learnt from Captain America:Civil War (no spoilers)

Captain America: Civil War is more Avengers than Capt, or more superhero rollcall, depending on how you look at it, but it raises a few interesting intellectual ideas.

1. There's an interesting line from Vision, that could be applied to depression and anxiety disorders (and other mental illness). "I wish to understand it. It is part of me, but the more I know, the less it controls me. Who knows, someday I might even control it." If you suffer, or someone you love suffers, get them in a group or talking to someone because the more you understand the beast, the better to tame it. 

2. "Victory at the expense of the innocent is no victory at all". There is an underlying theme in the film of accountability. Our modern warfare talks of collateral damage rather than dead people. There's a short conversation that covers foreign policy in the last 2 decades:

'Ironman: I'm doing what needs to be done to stave off something worse.

Capt America: You keep telling yourself that.'

If you think back to the arguments on the WMD prior to the Iraq war, this was more or less the exact conversation going on around the world. It's interesting the film takes a side and keeps asking us to question our position. (or agree with our position).

3, "You're wrong, but you think you're right, and that makes you dangerous." I think this sums up the ACL and their stance against LGBTQI community (and now divorced women - funny they have no issue with the men?). Or fracking, or a myriad of other issues in Australian politics right now. Evil is not necessarily a behaviour on it's own. It's distorted belief that is defended in the name of being right.

4. What follows on from the above, is the call to action for every one of us. "Compromise when you can, but when you can't, don't. If they are telling you what's wrong is right, it's your duty to stand your ground." This speech was longer but I can't remember it all. I think it's pretty good advice though.

5. I liked what they did with Spiderman. I'll be interested how the jury falls on this, but I grew into Spiderman through the cartoon, so the irreverent, chatty Spidey is how I think of him.

6. As an aside, we saw Jungle Book and I find it interesting that both films have a 'United we stand, divided we fall' theme. Not sure what that means in the modern geo-political environment but it must mean something.

7. I love, love, love that Daniel Bruhl is in it. Makes me want to watch Rush again.

8. The most important thing I took away from this, is that while we can't change the past, it's never to late, and it's our own responsibility to "Reframe the Future". That will be my new mantra, as I try to make the world a better place for me, my kids and the world at large (it won't be easy, but why not me? Someone needs to start the change, and if every individual sets to work, imagine how swiftly we can alter the course - be it climate change, poverty, human rights or whatever else we think needs altering.)

9. It's very unsatisfactory to finish a list on 9. But I will, because it's my blog and I can do what I like.

Have you seen it? Do you live in the Marvel Universe? What are your thoughts?

Image Source: Wikimedia Commons: Author Fetx2002 (File:Captain_America_The_Winter_Soldier_-_Stealth_S.T.R.I.K.E._Suit.jpg)

Linking with #MummyMondays

What I learnt from Burnt...

Wikimedia Commons: Attribution: Eddie Kay
Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

Not a whole lot. I went to see Daniel Bruhl, and while he had a few nice moments, it was a bit of a waste of a role for him.

So this is more what I took away from the 2 hours in the cinema:

1. The director for Joy has a thing for Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, he used them in both Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle as well....

2. Do Australians have deeper voices than others, or when they wash out their accent do they get that deep Shakespearean actor voice? (I forget what the ad was for, but think Russell Crowe, Thor, and so on)

3. How much did Burger King pay for that scene in Burnt? Did anyone else find that odd?

4. 'There's strength in needing others, not weakness'. I'm still thinking about this. I'm not entirely sure what I think about it, but I do know for some reason, a lot of us find it hard to ask for help, when we shouldn't.

5. I thought it was weird that the chef would be drinking plunger coffee - I know it's all cold press and back in fashion, but I just didn't believe it. Any chefs out there, do you drink plunger coffee? (Daniel Bruhl's character drank an espresso, so gold star from me!)

6. There's an Italian actor in it, I'd not heard of, Riccardo Scamarcio, who plays a character with few lines, but is in the background of a lot of scenes. I kept watching him half the time, as he was very 'busy', doing what he was doing, or watching the shenanigans of Bradley Cooper & Co. Will be tracking some of his Italian films down (where are the video shops when you need them?)...

7. There is an interesting line on addiction 'You're an addict. If it's not booze, it's drugs or fucking every woman you meet because you're addicted to how you feel every minute of the day'. I don't know how true this is, but I have seen people switch one addiction for a more acceptable one (or a less acceptable one, like the womanising). So it's definitely got me thinking....

8. It really just made me want to watch Rush again.

9. It made me hungry.

10. And I'm hungry now because I've been thinking about it.

Linking with #WWU & #TIK

What I learnt from Woman in Gold

No spoilers, Helen Mirren is fabulous, truly excellent and Daniel Bruhl is totally wasted, with his nothing character...

One thing that came up, is that 'people forget, especially the young'. Even those children of the victims know little or think little of it all. This can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. When looking for happiness or contentment, one doesn't need to be caught up in the past. It is, however, important to learn from the past. Don't pretend it didn't happen, and just don't let it happen again.



 Image Source:Wikimedia Commons, Attribution: Gage Skidmore

The meaning of restitution comes up, and it's not about money, it means to return something to it's original state. This is easier said than done, and we can't ever really go back and make things the way they were, because the damage is done inside us whether the framework seems to have returned to normal. It's a fine line we tread each day with careless actions.

In the thick of the Nazi occupation, one captured Jew says to his fleeing daughter 'your job is to learn to be happy again'. The fact is, nothing is so insurmountable that we can't learn to be happy again. We don't forget it, we can't change the past and restore it to how it was, but we can learn to be happy again. It requires us to change, us to manage our thoughts and feelings, and how we view things. The character lost all her friends and family, saw horrible, unimaginable things, and her whole world fall apart, and yet manages to put her life together and be content with her lot, for many, many years.

I guess what I learnt, was that while your world may have seismic shifts - divorce, death, serious health issues, your dire feelings will eventually change. It may take a few years, but you will eventually come out of the tunnel and be happy again. There is the loss, there can never be restitution on that, but there is a new way of life awaiting. We can learn to be happy again.

What I learnt most of all, is sometimes I'm struck deeply by ideas but when it comes to expressing them in writing, I fail. I've looked at this post a few times since I wrote it, and it's not what I want to say, but I don't know how to correct it. So this #MummyMondays you are dumped with an unsatisfactory post, and for that I'm sorry (but I need to put it to rest, so here it is).

Don't leave it blank (or What I learnt from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)

We watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty again last night (the Ben Stiller remake), and in the opening scene, there is a line where we discover Walter had failed to fill in his 'Been there, Done that' section of his dating profile.

No spoilers but Walter has been a 'responsible' working adult from a very young age.

Do we need to put our lives on hold in order to 'do the right thing'?

Last year, when my daughter started a new school, we decided to invite some of the new school parents to a party we were having. The party was for no reason, and a fancy dress spy party (ok, the reason was I'd been watching OSS:117 and got the idea into my head...reason enough for me to run with it). We didn't know them very well, but I figured you had to start somewhere. The party was large, and they were just a few extras added to our invited friends.

We're having another party, and at the new class dinner, I invited one of the women who hadn't already been invited. She responded with "Oh, you're the people who had the party last year. I heard about that. They didn't know what it meant, a party for the adults (like it was some porno key party??)". Taken aback I said "Is it that weird to have a party?" (Having not realised until now my invitation had marked me as a pervert). With no sadness she replied "Oh you know, you kind of put your life on hold and do things around the kids".

I agree, you do to an extent. But a party? Do you never go out without the kids, as a couple? Or even as a single, an individual person? Is it strange to do things as an adult? I understand cost of babysitting, or even finding a babysitter makes life difficult but that a party invitation would be met with trepidation and confusion? Ironic given we seem to throw quite lavish parties for small children (compared to what I grew up with).

I think Walter is not alone, in putting aside his dreams. We let life slip by as we busy ourselves with everyday demands.

We need to fill it up, so our been there, done that criteria is full and makes us happy. It doesn't mean we have to ignore our responsibilities, just not lose ourselves in them.

That is the quintessence of life.

Linking up with #OpenSlather

What I learnt from The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

No spoilers, just using some lines from the film to explore an idea. I am now of an age where I am watching marriages of 20 years come to a surprising end. I don't see it coming, they're people I would consider a rock solid couple. Sometimes it's an affair, a lot of times it's because they 'don't talk'.

As the film points out, you can be very lonely in a couple, and no one wants to be that lonely when they're supposed to be sharing a life together.


In the film, there are a couple of lines that give examples of different couples:

A:"You don't care at all, do you?" (said laughingly)
B:"Only in so much that it matters to you."

and

C:"Just because I'm looking at you when you talk, doesn't mean I'm listening or care"

A lot of long term marriages turn into C. Just because you are living together, juggle kids together, fronting up to the same meals together and so on, doesn't mean you are sharing a life. If everyone else is filling your world and your partner is no longer getting your attention, then you need to take action before it's too late. Everyone in group C needs to move to B.

You need to actively make it happen "Water doesn't flow until you turn the tap on". You may think you're chugging along happily but you're partner may not be. Paying a little bit more attention may make all the difference. Let them know that they matter to you. Never assume they know it. As discussed before, nothing goes without saying.

Don't wait for a birthday or anniversary to make them feel special. Do it today. It doesn't have to cost the earth. Ask them what they are working on, take an interest in their day, comment on their appearance. Best of all, sit with them and talk.

As the film says "There's no present like the time".

(Image Source)

Linking up off topic with #IMustConfess

What I learnt from Kingsman

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This movie is what it is, and doesn't try to be anything more. It's silly, and it won't be winning any awards but I laughed a lot more than I thought I would, and it made me realise I'd probably watch Mark Strong in anything. It also made me want to watch Tinker, Tailer, Soldier, Spy again...

However, it did have a couple of things that stuck with me.

1. Samuel L. Jackson is hilarious in this, and I can't remember him being funny before. I know he was funny in Pulp Fiction, but that was a different sort of funny...this is fabulously absurd.

2. There is an environmental theme in this film, and Jackson gives a speech where he says 'Money won't change this. The Politicians have buried their head in the sand and stood for nothing but re-election'. It sums up the current state of affairs pretty well - unless behaviour is changed, then no amount of money will fix the issue. Politicians have chosen to ignore this route for economic reasons, so as not to damage their chances of another term. And we will wear the cost of that sooner than we think.

3. There is a big speech which unfortunately I can't find on the internet but the gist was that Carbon emission trading was a red herring, and we are well past the point of paying for the problem to go away. We need to radically change our behaviour and take action. He has another speech where he refers to humans as a virus destroying the host...while obviously I don't agree with his plan, it did make me think about how much longer we can really dance around the issue.

4. For the record, China's Secret Service (from Wikipedia, I'm not a spy) is Ministry of State Security (MSS). I LOVED that bit!

5. Lastly, they quote Hemmingway, with these words to live by “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” That is worth striving for throughout life, whether you're a gentleman spy or not.

Linking up with #IMustConfess - I had planned to be on topic but got distracted. In short, I have an iPhone but I haven't drunk the Koolaid. I want to switch to Samsung because I drop my phones in the pool and the bath. I just need it to be small enough to fit in my tiny evening bags (for babysitter txting) and I need the energy to be bothered learning a new phone...

What I learnt from Snowpiercer

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I learnt I could watch a whole movie, from beginning to end, and not recognise the leading man. I did feel he was familiar, but it was only afterwards when I googled the cast to see what I'd seen him in, that I realised it was Captain America! I have mentioned in the past, I can't tell him and the 2 Ryans apart, but I can usually pick that it is one of the three, just not which one.

John Hurt has been looking that way for about the last 30 years, but somehow looks better now than ten years ago - less frail, if you get what I mean.

Tilda Swinton likes to play off her looks, in the sense she is very good looking but I think likes to play ugly, or at very least odd characters. She is fabulous in this.

However, I have to admit,more than anything else, it made me want to watch The Good, The Bad and the Weird again - which as we own the DVD, won't be a problem.



Lastly, it had the warning, in the post apopcalyptic world, you want to be at the head of the train not the end.

Have you ever watched a movie and not recognised the lead actor?

What I learnt from Saving Mr Banks

I was dying to see this film but when I went to see it at the cinema, the projector broke and I had to see 12 Years a Slave instead. So I'll admit, I had high expectations but when I finally got it on video. I was a little disappointed, as I found it quite depressing, rather than the raucous feel-good comedy I was expecting. However, I think that's more me, rather than a fair judgment of the film. Everybody else I know absolutely loved it and describe it as 'gorgeous' and 'sweet'. So see point number 2...maybe it's me!

It did raise some interesting points though:

1. Travers says "Being a mother is a job, a very  difficult job and not one that everyone is up to, one that not everyone should have taken on in the first place". I found this interesting as it's not really an attitude you hear anyone say these days. Or I don't, anyway. I think there's something touching in the brutal honesty of it. It's kind and forgiving as well as harsh and judgemental at the same time. When she said it, I recoiled but it stopped me in my passive viewing and made me think.

2. "You expected me to disappoint you, so you made sure I did." This is huge. A danger we have is projecting motivation onto people. There is no reality, only perception, so we need to be very careful about what we focus on, and make sure we aren't creating our own misery.

3. "Don't you want to stop remembering it that way? We all have our sad tales but don't you want to finish the story and let it all go? Don't you want to live a life that isn't dictated by the past?" I loved the positivity in this statement. That it is that easy to change our life. We can take control and finish the story.

4. Stay for end credits - they play the actual tapes of the sessions - I found that really interesting.

5. One for the writers "That is what storytellers do - we restore order with imagination and we instil Hope in life again & again" I loved this description - obviously it depends on the story...

Snip, snap...

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT

What I learnt from Spiderman

No spoilers ahead, but I will say stay for after the credits - I squealed with delight when I saw where they are heading next (causing great mirth for the guy across the aisle from me). So exciting!!

1. I touched on this with Frozen so I won't labour the point. When asked who he is, Max says "I'm nobody" to which Spidey says "You're not nobody, you're somebody!". And when those 'I'm just a mum' feelings creep up on us or we're feeling very insignificant and inconsequential in our jobs or with our blogs, let's remember, that we are still very much a somebody...We shouldn't get lost in what we perceive as success and important. We should live by our own definitions.

2. Going straight to the big one "What makes life precious is that it ends. So make yours count."  Don't spend your time trying to be what other want you to be. Do what you love to do because "Even if we fail, there is no better way to live."

3. There is a very lovely scene with Sally Field which I won't try to quote here, but if you are a single mum doing the hard, dull child raising, and feeling like you can't compete with the adoration of the Disneyland Dad (or converse, a single dad trying to compete with Disneyland mum), then know that ultimately, 'you are enough'. It's voiced in this film in a very touching scene that had the whole audience engaged, nodding along and wincing at her pain. You should see it just for that, and for reinforcement that you are doing the right thing, and it will eventually be recognised by your beloved child.

4. Gwen - I liked this character because she has a strong head on her shoulders. She makes decisions when Peter Parker won't (or is messing her around). She draws lines in the sand and demands behaviour that respects her. Lastly, she won't be pushed around. "Nobody makes my decisions for me. This is my choice. Mine!". Nice to see a strong female for a change.

5. "I always thought I'd have more time". We always do think we have the time to do later what we want to do. But eventually we don't. (See point 2.)

6. "There are always stepping stones in progress". This is voiced to explain mistreatment of human beings. It makes me think of a number of decisions our current government is making, and of the US military propaganda term 'collateral damage'. Perhaps instead of making sacrifices in the name of progress, we need to reconsider what we class as 'progress'.

7. The scientist, explaining why he started his work says he "Looked at the world around me and thought we can do better, we should do better". I say this is what we all should say, and start to make it happen in our own small way.

8.  There is a funny throw away line about the messy nature of relationships, and Harry says "I don't do complicated". Wouldn't it be nice if we could walk away from those friendships and relationships that are more work than pleasure? Maybe we should? Or maybe we work out how to un-complicate them (like Gwen does).

9. Peter Parker says of Spiderman "I like to think he gives people hope" when there is little hope. The big question is, is that enough? This was covered a little in Catching Fire too. Hope will carry a nation out of difficult times. Hope will be the silver lining in a dark storm. And as Gwen says in this film, it is our job to give hope to others. We can be the hope of the future.

10. The main thing I learnt was that you are never to old for a Marvel classic. I went to a Saturday morning session and was the third youngest person in the cinema (and I'm 107, so that's saying something, as the other 2 younger than me were children). We were all laughing and the guy behind me was crying at one point, so all fully engaged. While Spiderman may not really bring us hope in the real world, he can bring many of us pleasure.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

What I learnt from Captain America

No spoilers, as I'm only discussing two points that came up in the film. And don't bring your hate on Cap. I love Captain America, something to do with his earnestness. So shhh, keep it the criticism to yourself....(Though I will say Black Widow could have been more of a tough nut).

The film has a scene in a self help group, like AA but for returned Veterans. The counsellor is saying 'You some of the stuff you leave over there, a lot of it you bring home with you. You need to decide whether you want to carry it around in a big suitcase or a tiny purse'. Now, I know that's easier said than done, but I think it's a great analogy of how much work we put into maintaining our baggage (and we all have it). Do we want it to tire us out, carting it into every relationship and interaction we have? Or can we make it small and manageable? Our fears, our neuroses, our habits and behaviours, can we work on those that aren't working for us, and make our baggage more manageable and less exhausting?

Secondly, and I am well aware of the irony of what I'm about to say, is that the 21st century is a digital book, where all our details are wide open for all to read. Our bank details & medical records, our shopping habits, all the information we voluntarily offer up to twitter, facebook and instagram, and of course, all the personal information we offer up on our blogs. It's all there, telling the world all about us. This lack of privacy makes it very easy for Big Brother, or any nefarious pirate, to access and file us as they see fit. Like the kid arrested at the Pink concert for the tweet about a bomb (that was actually a lyric), the innocent aspect of this information may be eventually used against us. I'm quite careful with what I offer on FB or usually with what I tweet, but I have noticed a carelessness when I comment on other peoples blogs. I tell stories and make statements that down the line may come back to bite me. We need to think about what we share and what images we choose to offer the internet (as we know somewhere, all that data is being used for something). Every time you see those ads pop up for something you just looked up on the internet, remember that someone, somewhere is watching your habits and pause a moment to consider what extra information you just offered them. Maybe it will all come to nothing, but maybe it won't. Yesterday I received two emails from different companies alerting me to the fact they have changed their privacy policy, meaning they are now selling my details, when they initially weren't. In this case, it just means I'll get more spam, but that may not always be the case. The state of play can change instantly. Just something to think about.

   Image from Wikipedia Commons (Attribution: Frederik Hermann)

No points for guessing the man I like best in this photo...the one and only, Stan Lee! Ninety two years old and still going strong!

"Everybody wants to feel that you're writing to a certain demographic because that's good business, but I've never done that ... I tried to write stories that would interest me. I'd say, what would I like to read?... I don't think you can do your best work if you're writing for somebody else, because you never know what that somebody else really thinks or wants."

STAN LEE, Brandweek, May 2000

 

What I learnt from Her

This is an interesting film, with lots of ideas in it, wrapped up as a love story of sorts.
There are no spoilers below, it's purely looking at the nuggets of truth to human existence.

1. There is a line "What makes me 'me', is my ability to learn & grow through my experiences. So I'm constantly evolving." I find this line worth remembering, that we aren't static, and we need to remember that when we judge ourselves and others. I did that 'which philosopher are you?' quiz (I know, I'm so deep) and got Foucault with the description "You find it hard to self-define, as you believe that you’re always changing. You don’t believe that power is possessed by individuals, but instead think power is an action that individuals can engage in." Uncanny in its similarity, I do actually believe this, but sometimes it's hard to remember this in dealings with others. It is worth working towards, as there is no surer way to eliminate regret. "None of us are the same as we were a moment ago & we shouldn't try to be" (Don't tell me you can't learn anything from dime store philosophy...)

2. I've touched on this in other posts, but this is said in this film with clarity, when describing why a relationship failed. He admits  he "Hid myself from her, and left her alone in the relationship". We have a tendency, especially when under stress, to get caught up in our own stuff, and shut the other person out. However, as understanding as the other person may be, eventually they will leave, if left alone in the relationship for too long. So make sure you throw a life line to your partner from time to time, when going through difficult times.

3. "How do you share your life with someone?" This is something we take for granted, but it's something we need to put a lot of thought into. We assume we are doing it just by being physically there; we get married (or live together) and it's assumed that we are sharing our life. However, a lot of thought needs to be put into how to make that work so that both partners are happy and fulfilled. "How do you grow without growing apart? How do we change without scaring the other person?" I don't have all the answers but I've been pondering this for awhile, since seeing the film.

4. In a nutshell, some sage advice "Your always going to disappoint someone, so fuck it" Just do it anyway.

5. Closely linked with the above statement is "We're only here briefly, so while I'm here I want to allow myself joy". Not advocating affairs or reckless disregard for the feelings of others, but if there's something you long to try or do, make it happen. Stop worrying about what others think, and at least give it a go. Be it what you wear, trying a career change or a crazy hobby.

The movie shows a number of different viewpoints on love - one being the looking for a selfish fix "Looking for something to fill this tiny hole in my heart, but it probably won't" and the other more expansive view "The heart's not like a box that gets filled up, it expands in size the more you love & are loved"

       (image credit: Wikipedia Commons: aphrodite-in-nyc from new york city)

As many of you will know, I am a huge fan of M. T Anderson's book Feed - he looks at the way our constant connectedness with social media isn't actually a panacea for loneliness. It is a refrain that is coming up more and more, as we are becoming engaged in the internet for longer periods of the day. It's a false connection. This movie spends a lot of time in visual form, showing the isolation of the people connected to the internet (and variation). There is a lack of real human connection. He lives in a big city, with lots of glass, but rarely really engages with actual people. Partly, because it is easier. "You always wanted a wife without having to deal with any real emotions" and "The past is just a story we tell ourselves." Without real interaction, we can make the cyber world and relationships how we want them to be, not reflective of how we really are. I'm not saying we lie, but there is a confidence that the safety buffer encourages, which I think is ultimately to our own detriment.

So I will not be buying google glass anytime soon, and I will continue to try and put away my phone for certain periods of the day.
Her is a very interesting film, and  well made with great performances, but it did also weird me out a little, where I just didn't know what I thought of things. However it left me thinking, and that has to be a good thing.