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Tuesday, 11 February 2020

Life is infinitely more complicated than we were led to believe...

I've been chasing down a friend that's gone MIA. Unreturned phone calls, unanswered texts and invitations. It's not that unusual for her, but I wanted her to know we hadn't given up. I bumped in to her in the street by chance and she told me why she'd bunkered down. I offered to help and then parted with "I'll just keep making the offers and when you're ready we'll get together".

I'm becoming a little unshockable, as the range of issues people (and myself) have to face is huge. I almost always know someone going through a similar thing. I have come to the conclusion that life is infinitely more complicated than we were led to believe. But why? Why were we told a story along the lines of: You get married, have children, live happily ever after? Did our parents really live in a simpler time or did people hide their secrets in shame? 

I think we are in a far better place that people can talk openly about their problems. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. I also think it's very good to know you aren't the only person going through something.

So, if you are swimming in rough seas, ignore the fear of judgement (especially your own) and swim towards the life guards.  While they may not be able to dive in and save you, they will most definitely throw you something to cling to until somebody can help.

Linking with #AnythingGoes because talking about problems reduces loneliness and increases well being, and that is self care.

My Random Musings

24 comments:

  1. A good and timely message. We're fed this idea that once you hit a certain point - kids have finished school, becoming independent etc that it's plain sailing from here on in. Not the case - yet we tend not to talk about it.

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  2. You're so right about most of us having been sold a fairytale at some stage in our life. It's even more noticable in the church community where God is sold as a magic genie - say the right prayers, live the right life and he'll bless the socks off you. It's not biblical, it's just fluff and nonsense. At least a lot of us have woken up to the fact that life has a multitude of ups and downs and the tough times will pass - and a support network of caring people is an absolute blessing in so many ways. We just need to be brave enough to be vulnerable and reach out.
    Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I've shared on my SM 😊

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  3. Hi Lydia, I did exactly the same thing this week. I have a friend who is going through a difficult time. When that happens she goes 'off air' and is slow to or doesn't respond to messages. Like you I've let her know I'm here for her at anytime and will be checking in with texts. Not to bug her but to show her that I care. Thank you for writing this post and reminding everyone that life is not all rainbows and unicorns. Great to have you at #MLSTL. x

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    1. Yes, I think it's easy to make it about you and think you're the only one putting in any effort and if they don't respond, why should you keep trying but it's so important to keep reaching out - because one day they will be ready. Or maybe that text comes in at just the right time and makes them feel they aren't alone.

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  4. Lydia, you are a kind and caring friend. I tend to notice when people are not on SM much or have 'disappeared' and whilst I do not want to pry, I might send a message of care. Recently I made a card and posted it to one such friend who has cancer. I believe people share what they are up to sharing. Nothing more. And if they do not respond that is OK too. I did hear back from this person and yes, things have been very rough (my instincts were right) but she was so comforted by my card, she is using it as a bookmark. Now, Ms Lydia...I need to tell you AGAIN the difference listening to HOW by our mate Augusten has made again. Listened twice now!! Denyse #mlstl

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    1. Yes, I've listened to it a few times now. And flicked through the paper copy as well....it's that kind of book!

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    2. Good old Augusten...there for when we need him. Thank you for being part of Life This Week. Next Week's optional prompt is 8/51 Unusual 23/2/2020. Hope to see you link up again too! Denyse.

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  5. This is so true--and important--Lydia. We've all been through some stuff. I'm pretty sure the people I know casually and many of those I work closely with have no idea of the things I've been through--miscarriage, divorce, a child's drug addiction, a husband's chronic illness. I have close relationships with people whose spouses or children have died...one whose child went through a gender change...one who visits a beloved son in prison. Many of these people look on the surface to not have a care in the world. We're all struggling with something and it's so much easier if we take care of each other. #MLSTL

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    1. The things you list are all so normal, yet when it happens to you, you think you're the only person in the world. How much easier it is to hear someone say 'oh I have a friend whose child did that but they're all good now/but it all worked out for the best/ but they look like they've recovered' or something...and as we all know, but for the Grace of God go I (or whatever the non religious version of that is).

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  6. Everyone needs a friend/lifeguard like you. And yes, I agree life is way more complicated than I imagined/was led to be believed. However, I do believe that the Beatles were right, we can all get by with a little help from our friends (and our loved ones.)

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  7. A very timely message Lydia and one that resonates with me at the moment. In fact I wrote a post yesterday on similar topic. Swim towards the lifeguards is a great analogy. You are a generous and caring soul. #lifethisweek

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  8. A timely message for me too, Lydia. It's been a month of having those frank conversations. Hard and draining as they are, I feel better for having had them.

    Thank you

    SSG xxx

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  9. Lovely. And yes - I've reached out to people recently, and learned you don't need excuses for why it's been so long/why you've been off the radar. Reaching out is enough.

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  10. Totally - I think we are all encouraged to speak more. It's moved on from kids being quiet to supporting them to share and this can only be a good thing. #kcacols

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  11. I have a friend who acts in a similar way as yours. I don't understand it, but I love her and will be there for her. You are a wise and caring friend. Don't take it personally. She needs you and will reach out eventually.

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  12. A vital message and such apt timing given recent events. The natural reaction may be to hide away from the world but it is so much better to share your problems before they escalate.
    #KCACOLS

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  13. Love this post. Sometimes all that people need are the reminder that there are those that care about them #KCACOLS

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  14. This is so true. And just letting someone know you are there, thinking of them, ready for when they want to talk, or not talk and just hang out, it makes such a huge difference. #KCACOLS

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  15. Your friend is very lucky to have you when she needs you and is ready. We do need to watch out for each other. Thanks for linking up to #stayclassymama

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  16. I like to think that I have a sympathetic ear and people could come to me to discuss their problems knowing I would keep it confidential and offer support rather than solutions. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

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    1. Good point on the difference of support rather than solutions...

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  17. I totally agree. I don't remember people so open about their problems in adulthood and was shocked to see it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. You are a good friend to keep the lines of communication open until they are ready. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time

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