Extension Blues - self care

Even though I knew it was coming (and it had only been two weeks), the extension of lockdown hit my mood hard. I am finding this lockdown so much harder than the last, and it's only just beginning. Chatting to a doctor friend,  she said all her friends were the same, and their teens were all really lethargic and waking up late morning...

So the announcement of another week, online school and extended dullness (with pending tighter restrictions when we are 'released') just threw me down in the dumps.

I had tickets to Hot Dub, Tim Minchin and Miss Peony, all  rescheduled from 2020 and now all postponed further (some of them are now on their fourth date!). I can no longer go to Minchin as it clashes with another event. I had a party, champagne club and a night out dancing at Soda factory all nixed. Plus the school holiday adventures in Bowral and the Hunter. My youngest, having missed Snowtime in the Hunter Valley Gardens two years running will probably have outgrown it by next year. So I am feeling the clock ticking on these stagnated years. Missed opportunities that will never come back. The sand is passing through the hour glass but we are not doing anything with it, just watching it go by as a spectator, not a participant in life.

However, I understand this thinking is not helpful to anyone, least of all the kids, and as I steer the emotional ship so to speak, I could not dwell in the negative. So after sitting in my sorrow for a bit, I got to work in lifting my mood.

I ordered way too much Din Tai Fung to be delivered next week as a treat. (They have a special that you get $20 off orders of $100 or $50 off $200 for frozen items). I discovered the ping pong table at Everleigh and we will head there today with paddles and balls for something to do. There are no people around so all good.

Our dart board arrived and I set it up outside so we could play in the fresh air. I played with two of the kids individually, so we had some one on one time in the sun. That has been harder to manage this time for some reason, so it really felt like I'd achieved something, and that made me feel good.

I did some dance cardio routines - and blood & oxygen pumping  hard through the heart will lift your mood, add to that the hilarity of not being co-ordinated enough to keep up with the 'double time', and it made me laugh as well.

I purchased access to Tomorrowland - the festival online for another year, so next week I'll have a lot of happy, upbeat music to listen to as I go about my day. (Timmy Trumpet's set was so hectic last year and I played it about four times in it's entirety. Even just watching the opening minute of the clip below brings a grin to my face, the endorphins are Pavlovianly entrenched now.

 

I organised to host bookclub online, so I see some friends.

I read my book in the bath for an hour.

These things are small but effective. While realistically, the extended lockdown isn't a big deal, it's important not to let those sinking feelings take hold.

How are you all coping?

What are your tips for shaking off the blues?

Linking with #Lifethisweek and #WeekendCoffeeShare

Self Care (free and fast)

 

I've been a little down in the dumps lately so I decided to reward myself. I'm on this incredibly dull cholesterol lowering diet (which does have the upside of dropping the COVID kilos but it takes away one of my pleasures in life so I'm feeling very sorry for myself). 

So what mood lifting reward would work?

I took myself off for a few hours to see the Sculpture Rocks exhibition and it did the trick. The sun was out and the sea sparkling. The art is fun and a lot is interactive with the scenery behind it or around it. I got a little exercise, sunshine and fresh air. The creative buzz really lifted my spirits and I felt right in myself again.

Best of all, other than transport, it was free.

The Bay Run or the Glebe Foreshore walk and talk with a friend is another mood lifter for me - exercise and venting (or just laughing and chatting as we charge around the harbour at a fast pace). Also free.

Reading my book in the bath. Can be squeezed in half an hour with no travel time. This is probably the best go to while water restrictions aren't an issue. And of course, free.

Linking with #FloralFridayFoto

If really pushed for time, then just smelling the flowers in the gardens I pass as I walk the dog. I can't tell you how much this lifts my mood. Roses and gardenias are my go to scents.

What are your self care tips?

Linking with  #OurWorldTuesday #FriendshipFriday and #ThruMyLens

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.” – Plato

 I have written before about the healing power of music and dance, but now as we start looking like a lockdown will be heading our way, I will say it all again. It is the easiest and quickest working self care.

On Thursday I woke elated just at the thought of seeing a band and dancing (albeit stuck firmly in our chairs (engage those abs and you can still get quite physical!) and the prospect of buying tickets to Hayden James and attending our first pod festival....will be weird but I'll take what I can get. And the up side is young people won't be able to be mean to us because we'll be cocooned in the safety of our private old lady pod! So there are upsides to everything...

Last night we went to dinner at Flying Fish and their playlist was all my guys - Kygo, Sam Feldt, Hayden James to name a few. I kept saying to my husband "OMG, I love this song too!" excitedly. He at one point replied "It really is like your playlist." It was already a very happy occasion but it was the icing on the cake, like I had some shared camaraderie with a stranger, whoever made those musical choices.

For now we can't get the full benefits of shared musical experiences, but make the most of what you can. Sing in the shower or car, dance while you clean, do whatever you can to lift your spirits. It can make an enormous difference.

What are you listening to now?

“My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require.” – Edward Elgar

Shout out to the Soda Factory for Jukebox Thursdays. Was a great night!

Linking with #MondayMusicMovesMe because the song linked makes me feel like I'm on a summer holiday - somewhere warm and sunny...

“Any kind of dancing is better than no dancing at all.” Lynda Barr

I have spoken before about the benefits of dancing. I think now is a time to regularly dance to uplift your soul. There are however more scientific studies on the benefits of dancing for both physical and mental health. Dancing together, even if streamed apart, has the same mental health benefit as a hug. This article Why dancing is the best thing you can do for your body is worth a read.

Currently, when I do my youtube workouts, if they include an exercise that won't be good for my back, I just dance through it, rather than fast forward. I don't listen to the workout - I mute it and have my dance playlist running so am quite elated while doing the workout each morning.

Every second Saturday from 6-8, Hot Dub Time Machine is streaming live. Grab a cocktail, put on some party lights and pretend you're with the 40, 000 other people streaming it for #HotDubAtHome. Catch past shows here.

Play all the #FurnaceatHome clips together for a good 20 mins of dancing. There are 4 so far...but this one is my fav, because of Dolly.


I'm very excited because Duke Dumont is streaming live this afternoon, so I'll be dancing again from 4pm. Sign up to Bands in Town, track all your favs. A lot of people are doing concerts almost weekly - and all different types of Musicians. Jon Cleary is doing a tour (so basically the start time is 8pm in different timezones around the States). 

Grab some new grooves with #SundayCovers.

There are also free dance lessons you can join in, so pick your type of dance and get googling. Who knows, you may find a new hobby for you by the end of this.

If you're feeling a little low, the quickest way to lift your mood is to get moving in joyous exercise. 

Do you have tips to get your groove on?

“The job of feets is walking, but their hobby is dancing.”
Amit Kalantri

This week's #SundayCovers will also get you dancing! Or click here to add your own post about music covers.

Self Care under Covid19

I started writing a self-care post awhile back but a lot of it is rendered obsolete. I want to say up front that I am not a doctor, and any mood depression for more than a day, while understandable, probably needs to be acted on ASAP in these times. Seek professional help where possible. This post is self-care for people who are in a good frame of mind, to keep them there.

It is a fact that smell is one of the senses that brings a sense of wellbeing (it's not a fact, I just made that up but it sounds right so let's go with it). Now is the time, if you can afford it, to spend extra bucks on the shower gel, conditioner and laundry detergent you like. The ones that remind you of a holiday, the one that make you feel pampered, the one that makes you smile when you sniff the dry towel as you take it off the line. These are small moments but they happen throughout the day so you'll get an instant hit of happiness.

Now is also probably the time to invest in fancy soap given you'll wash your hands more times a day than when you had a new born. Also nice smelling hand cream. I managed to get a lavender hand sanitiser and compared to the others, it feels like a luxury (because the smell envelopes me in a sense of wellbeing).


Go through the cupboard and dig out any fancy lotions you were given that never got round to using, or start going through all the hotel bottles you pilfered over the years. The memory trigger of where you got them might be enough to start your day with a smile.

Carve out some time for you. It can be first thing in the morning to write, before everyone gets up. Or a lunch break in the middle of the day where you listen to a lecture. I signed up to a University short course on literature, and you listen and answer questions in a group chat. It's an hour but I felt so elated after the first one. Intellectually engaged, talking about something other than the virus or the impacts. There are plenty of free courses and talks so make use of those.

Work on making yourself feel good. Exercise and healthy eating are a must, as they help your physiology (again, not a doctor & this alone won't cure depression but it will help maintain happy mood levels). May not have used the word physiology correctly.


If you are finding concentrating too hard to read, try audio books when you cook. The escape into another world is a welcome break, and the focus of your thoughts actually works to relieve stress, just like meditation would. It shuts out the noise in your head, which I suspect some days will get loud and heavy for us as time passes.

I am playing music in the shower on my phone (still a navy shower - we can't forget the drought, people!) and I am doing 30 mins of exercise daily with YouTube to music. If there's an exercise I think will hurt my back, I just dance through it. I do it before my shower each morning and the energy burst and happiness of the music is really starting my day right.

Organise Zoom catch ups with groups of friends. It gives you something to look forward to at the end of the day and helps you feel less isolated. Look also at what's on. There's now trivia nights you can sign up to, streamed stand up and a myriad of other things. If you can't go out, still find a way to enjoy what you used to enjoy. Or find something new...

You can't fix the big picture, but little by little you can make it easier and more enjoyable.

Linking with #FriendshipFriday 
As stated, now is the time to act quickly if mood is slipping. Don't waste time struggling. Now is not the time to muck around. If you can't afford to talk to a psyche, call a friend or here are some numbers:
Kids Helpline (for anyone under 25) 1800 55 1800 - there's also a webchat.
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
Black Dog Institute has Covid19 specific resources on their website https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
I would recommend talking to your GP ASAP regardless. Most GPs are now doing phone consults for non physical ailments.

Self care

I've been reading a few cries for help on Facebook, and I thought as I outlined my ideas for self care in response to one person, I'd share here.Before I get into the nitty gritty, I want to touch on a response the shame sometimes people feel for getting int the mess in the first place, or having to seek help or feelings of failure. Firstly, recognising you have a problem and seeking help to deal with it is something to be proud of. It's difficult and raises uncomfortable feelings but you are pushing on regardless to get to a better place. As my beloved Augusten Burroughs says 'Shame is a negative emotion given to you by others, and just like at airports, we should never carry baggage we haven't packed ourselves'.

Always remember life is complicated. We are sold an idea of how life is meant to be as children but it's really nothing like real life. If you're struggling in the rapids, don't worry about the less than perfect or what other people think, focus on what you need to do to swim to shore and only bother with those people that are throwing you life buoys. Everyone else can pass on by....To quote the wonderful Dario Fo "it's true, we're up to our necks in shit, and that's exactly why we walk with our heads held high!" Head high, people! Always.

Numbness is often a sign of depression - depression isn't sadness, it can be feeling nothing at all. Not feeling. So get checked out with a doctor because life doesn't need to be unnecessarily difficult. If you are struggling, always go straight to your GP to check there isn't an actual medical problem exacerbating the problem.  The trick the brain plays is making you think whatever you feel is real. Just make sure it is. There's no harm in just checking in with your GP. 

However, assuming you are just overwhelmed by life's obligations (and with children with issues, it can be unrelenting and exhausting so don't ever feel the need to dismiss that. It's huge) focus on stealing a few little pick me ups for yourself. Try to find things that don't take much time or cost money. They are the easiest things to reset your mood, as they can be quickly done without taking effort.

Dance to your favourite song (or better yet, belt it out loud in the car - I know it sounds silly but it literally engages something in your head and there's an emotional shift*). Exercise daily if you can - in front of the TV if need be - anything to get some endorphins in action. Where possible, eat well. Junk will bring you down, not raise you up (I can't say I'm an expert on this). Lastly, find something for you. I have been doing these puzzles (some sort of Mensa game for the kids) which I started doing when I was checking the pieces before ebaying but it's really fun and only takes 5 or so minutes, so I'm doing all the puzzle options before I get rid of it. It's the focus on the activity you enjoy that's important, not the meaning of the activity. Once you add a few little things for you and your mood, it's easier to feel you can move to move to bigger things. 

If you are overwhelmed with the grind, and kids are taking their toll don't feel life is passing you by. This is life. It just isn't always fun. But getting through the mud is just as important as making something or doing something. And dragging others through the mud is probably the most important thing a mother can do.

If you can afford it, I suggest getting some super luxury conditioner or shower gel with a really strong smell that you like. Some days in the shower is the only indulgence you'll get and if it can set you up in a good mood, then it's money well spent. (I get that L'Occitaine conditioner when on sale. I just use normal shampoo because it's ridiculously expensive and the conditioner smell is strong and overwhelms the shampoo smell anyway) and then sometimes I just need to smell my hair to get a mood boost...

I also recommend audio books for in the car - if you are driving all over the place in tedious obligation, at least you feel you are achieving something. Alain De Botton says audio books are as good for you as meditation (again it's the focus, shutting down the chaotic thoughts). Plus it gives you something other than your problems to talk about when you see people. 

Focus on one thing at a time. It  is a remarkable skill and very difficult to manage.  However, it's interesting when you achieve it. I did almost accidentally. I swear by it now. (in all those little ways above). You can't second guess the future anyway, so just deal with the immediate problem and let all the other pestering thoughts wait until you are ready to move on to the next step. 

I know all this sounds stupid but it is amazing how tiny things can make all the difference in getting you though the hard stuff.

What are your tips for self care?

Linking with #KCACOLS #StayClassyMama #TwinklyTuesday and  #MLSTL because while not age specific, I do know a lot of people my age really sinking in the mire.

*Note for people with anxiety - getting up and physically moving to a different position can reduce anxiety.