I have been reminded of the poem in Alice in Wonderland - You are Old, Father William. While the questions were not asked of me directly, I had FOUR instances in a week where I was reminded of my age and at times of my seemingly (to them) inappropriate behaviour.
Firstly, a young man covered in tatts, stood up and moved away from the red seat on the train so I could sit there. Firstly, I don't think I look like a red seat user (for those OS, it is for elderly, physically infirm or pregnant people). Secondly I could have just say next to him on the blue seat. So at best he thought I was old or at worst he thought I'd be scared to sit next to a guy covered in tatts. As someone from the Inner West, that part hurt more. Obviously my vibe I think I have is not the vibe I give off. I am much more conservative and suburban looking than I realise.
Next, I went to Fridayz and when Lil Jon came on, I jumped up like everyone else (He was great, by the way - not in the 'so bad, it's good' way that I was expecting, just really great!). I was dancing frenetically when I noticed the people next to me and behind me were laughing at my enthusiasm. Now, I will take this at festivals from the 18 year olds but NOT from the 40 year old behind me, when I am dancing to music that is 20 years old Anyway, they had to pull their heads in because when all the jumping started, they didn't even try and I am a little bone density ever-ready bunny....In your face. in this case I was not old, I was just OG. (Note the song below has very offensive lyrics, not suitable for work).
And then, at Sonny Fodera, this woman sort of dances in front of us, facing us - so I'm pretty sure her friend was filming her dancing with the weird old ladies. We just ignored her and she went away. She later came back and grabbed me and said "You're my new icon". Now I've heard this enough at festivals to know where it's heading so as I didn't want to kill my vibe, I cut to the chase "What, cos I'm old?" I smiled. She was taken aback and then back peddled like crazy "No, not at all. You're here living your best life. You exude joy". I forgive her because I did feel like joy was radiating off me, I could 'feel' it so I like that concept, even if she had been doing it to laugh at us.... (This clip does have a bare stomach and low cut top but I would say still fine for work...Unless there are rules about that - just normal clothes, not overtly sexual).
Lastly, I was at Harris Farm with just a basket, that was pretty full but nothing too crazy. I have spindly little muppet arms so it doesn't take much for my muscles to strain. This guy comes up to me and asks if I need help carrying the basket! In what universe does that happen? How old do I look? I laughed and said no thank you, but I wish now I'd said yes, just to see how that played out - was he seriously going to stroll around the supermarket with me while I shopped?
This was in a seven day period. It is deeply disturbing. Clearly, how I think I look is not how I look to others.
Worse, apparently how I feel is nothing like my outer shell.
"We are always the same age inside" Gertrude Stein wisely said, but she forgot to mention it's the outside that everyone else sees, and there's no hiding that! Worst of all, they want to remind you of it!
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