Share Four Somethings - August

The Sydney Marathon is soon upon us, and as it's now the Seventh Star, all the international runners are descending upon us. We are putting a number of them up, and entertaining a large group of them and locals who all know each other. So a very busy weekend approaches at the end of the month.

Something I loved Been to a few great plays, lots of great meals out with friends and many all around good times. I went to the Musical Singalong at Grand Electric  and was amazed and what an elating afternoon it was. I don't sing in key but it was such a good vibe that I wasn't embarrassed and didn't care. It was fun and plenty of hilarity as well as that rousing emotion that songs tap into (looking at you Les Miserables). If it's on again, I'll definitely be back. You got to vote for the top 10, and most people had a few of their favourites in there. There was plenty of dancing, even from the 80 year olds celebrating a birthday and special applause to the people that enacted Ex-Wives from Six. There's been so much to love this month, it's a little hard to narrow it down. (My Insta clips are here).

Something I learned I have learnt about the Jindo Sea Path. I don't understand how it can only happen twice a year, if it's sort of tidal. A path of seabed is revealed and you can walk a few kilometres between the islands for an hour. It is a literal parting of the sea, caused by tide harmonics (I will admit I'm still searching for an explanation on that which I properly understand), the lunar gravitational pull, the rotation of the earth and the funnelling effect of the Myeongnyang Strait. I find the science behind this fascinating. It's not so much that it can happen, but only twice a year. I think it should be more frequent if the Lunar cycle is involved but science is not my strong point alas! So much to learn! The world is an AMAZING place. Instagram pictures a plenty here.

Something that went well My elderly mum had cancer and had a major surgery. She has recovered AMAZINGLY well for someone close to 90 and is back on her feet and finally at home. I marvel at both the human body and the medical expertise that can make this happen. They got all the cancer and it hadn't spread and they have decided no further treatment is required. She wasn't going to do radio or chemo anyway so I am glad she can just follow doctors orders.

Something I let go of  I wrote back in May that I had to let go of some friends. I did limp along making up my people pleasing excuses for them for about 12 months but I've now removed myself from the group chat and will just see those that want to see me on a smaller scale. I am at peace with it, except that perhaps I'm a little embarrassed that I should have done it about 10 years ago. I am happy to see them, but only if they instigate it. Since I started easing away, 18 months ago, I've really only seen the same few people who I still see now so it really won't make any difference to me, except a positive mental health one. In the Do you F***ing Mind podcast that I listened to yesterday, she spoke of rejection and it really hit home. She asked 'What boundaries to I need to put in place so I don't need to have to deal with that again?...What do I have to do so I don't find myself in that situation again?' The onus on taking control of the situation for self preservation.

 She said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'People will reject you a thousand times before they have to reject you verbally. And we allow ourselves to be rejected again and again. If someone has shown, based on their actions that they are not interested in seeing you, they're not interested in reaching out to you, instigating, initiating - none of that, repeatedly, that is a rejection. You are being told repeatedly, 'I am not interested in this friendship' and you need to accept that." Her advice (which is always so great) is to put your energy elsewhere, into other friends and peacefully tap out. Which is what I've done. I'm not angry, I'm happy to see them but I'm not only seeing them if I organise it. 

I am putting certain boundaries in place so I'm not in that situation ever again, with anyone. It's been done quietly so they won't even notice, so there's no need for anger or drama. It's just time to move on. I am quite proud of myself that I'm now at peace with it, as I've spent years being annoyed about poor treatment but I never actually called them on it. It really is that simple. As a friend said "If they don't appreciate you, why do you even want to spend time with them? Just spend time with us." People treat you how you let them, and I've let it go on for far too long.

I don't feel mean and petty (as I wrote in May) but I am ashamed I never spoke out. If my daughter had friends that did this, I would tell her to get better friends. As an adult, I allowed them to treat me this way, and kept footing the bill for people that clearly we were irrelevant to. It's been obvious for years but I just kept repeating the pattern, and allowing them to repeat theirs. I am too old to have put up with this. I'm embarrassed that in May I wrote about it (truth be told as a way to force myself to do it; once it's out there, I'm accountable) and it still took me 3 months to actually do it. And this is to do something that won't actually change my day to day in any way. It's shamefully pathetic. How am I so old but with so little courage and self respect? Lots to focus on there. That is the bit I can't let go of, but I guess I am finally working on that.

The other thing I've had to let go of is my Ginger Koskenkorva. I finished it and I don't think you can get in Australia anymore. Boo! 

A long one this month, sorry about that. It has been a great month regardless of weather and closing chapters. 

Linking with #ShareFourSomethings