Monday, 9 July 2012

More Things I don’t get cos I’m old….

By Lydia C Lee

Not saying they’re bad, but as I’ve aged, there are more things in the world I simply don’t understand…here’s the next 25…

  1. Why are my twitter followers porno people when I don't write anything dirty and I'm female (tho I'm        grateful for any followers - thanks!)
  2. The parents of the people on the Jersey Shore - especially the skanky one night stand people. Not judgement on one night stands per say, but do you really want the world to see it and for it to be with the Situation?
  3. Swimming in fountains. It's not la dolce vita, it's drunk people's wee...
  4. Why my 8 yr old keeps wearing his school shorts even tho it's the holidays?
  5. That people would be more excited by Delta than by Bruce Willis?
  6. That a sex tape promotes your career, and you aren’t a porn star.
  7. That women still bang on about how they had their children, like they deserve a prize (or it’s a topic of interest to anyone but themselves, and their child is 5) – Now that makes me old AND unpopular.
  8. Why you don’t delete every sex tape you’ve made the minute you become famous – the very second you sign your first contract. And then definitely refuse to make more. 
  9. Why do male celebrities never have their sex tapes leaked?
  10. Why isn’t M T Anderson more famous than E L James?
  11. Baby showers – a party for a person who hasn’t arrived yet.
  12. Orange tans and trout pouts. Do they really think they look better than they did before? Do they look better than they did before??????
  13. Why does Beck Weathers laser eye reversal over rules all my friends success stories. I know I would look better without glasses but at the mere mention of laser eye surgery, I just think of Beck up the mountain, crawling around with no sight…it goes horribly wrong, people!
  14. Waiting in a queue for three and a half hours to get your photo taken with, well anyone - or for anything really...
  15. Twitter – still no closer to working that one out.
  16. How is Playing it Straight a show? Who would sign up to be on that? Seems an offensive recipe for humiliation to me.
  17. Why do Zombie movies work, generally speaking, and Vampire movies get schlocky?
  18. How are all these mummybloggers getting new blogs out daily during the holidays? I can’t get to the computer, let alone think of anything interesting to write??!! (that’s not cos I’m old, I don’t want to admit what that’s a reflection of – denial, denial)
  19. Why it never seems to grow tired for siblings to annoy each other on purpose. Sure as hell has grown old for me!!!
  20. Spending $80 on a scented candle. It's a candle. Tho probably soon to be cheaper than electricity...
  21. Married couples that say I love you publically on FB.
  22. Infact most FB behaviour is bizarre (including my own).
  23. If it’s meant to be social media, why are all these companies and advertising and social media consultants taking it over – not that social really…
  24. When did mornings become so difficult? I know I used to spring out of bed a long time ago - now I stumble to coffee matter what time I get up.
  25. Twitter – have I mentioned lately that I still don’t get twitter? And I don’t know what DM means and I can’t use #....

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