Love

When you have kids, people tell you that you love them so much it hurts, and you never really understand that until it does. They are hurt by a mean friend, they are disappointed in how they fared in the sports carnival, they didn't get the part in the school play. Whatever it is, it's just life but you ache for them, physically in your chest. You want to make it better for them but there is nothing you can do.

My son is not the elite swimmer but he jumps in at the carnival every time to give it a shot. He was told he could do the relay then bumped at the last minute. I get it, but to see him sitting on the stairs of the grandstand, so despondent just broke my heart. Two little boys with glum faces came over and announced they too, were kicked off the team. Bad mama that I am delighted in their misfortune and said gleefully "Well, at least it wasn't just one of you! You're all together so it's okay". (New parents, here's your warning now, never follow any of my parenting advice. There are no awards coming this way anytime soon).

Later a friend rang to see if my son could come over and I mentioned I'd promised him a treat as he was so upset(and in madness they'd banned going to the kiosk to buy slushies) and she replied "He's not upset. They just had the novelty events and he's laughing and they're complaining that none of their friends try out for anything".

Once the wave of relief had washed over me, my eyes brimmed with tears. What I love so much about this boy is that he never doubts himself (even if consistent lack of ability speaks otherwise) and whatever disappointment is dealt, he moves on quickly. Far greater resilience than his mother, he is a happy young man, and this will take him far.

I hope the teen years don't crush this out of him, because resilience and a cheery nature will take you much further than brains or brawn ever will. Mary Pickford said “Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call "Failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.” To do so with genuine happiness, is the definition of a successful life in my book.

I love him more than I ever would have believed, as do all parents of their own children, but I don't think you really grasp that until those moments when the pain they cause you is not from what they do, but what is out of your control to change. In the same respect, we are so proud of them when they excel or behave in a kind, mature way but most of all, when they are a better person than ourselves.

An ode to my darling, much loved boy.