Instead of dispensing advice, I'm asking you, dear readers, what would you do?
I have a friend that makes jokes at the expense of my appearance. I know she thinks she is being funny and means no harm, but she only picks this one attribute and constantly throws out the insult at random parts of the conversation. It's not something I can change so I really don't understand why she does it or why she would think I would find it funny. I don't criticise her appearance so to me it feels like an arbitrary attack.
For those that read Epiphany, you know I'm working hard to improve my self esteem, and trying to stop people chipping away at my self worth.
If you were in my situation, what would you do? I fear the next time she does it, I'll tell her to fuck off and will cause a scene. Or worse, I might let rip on her appearance, which is just being bitchy.
However, she said it on Friday night and between that and another insulting comment (apparently it was open season on my appearance), I've found it hard to recover and feel good about myself. I know my self esteem is part of the problem, and I'm hyper sensitive to these put downs (and she probably is unaware of it) but I am really struggling to bite my tongue any more.
So if you were in this situation, what would you do?
Ugh. She doesn't sound like much of a friend to be honest. Might be time to move on. I've had so-called 'friends' like this and I tried talking to them and in the end I had to move on. I've never looked back.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ness, it may be time to start to disassociate from her because if she was a real friend she would be trying to help build you up instead of tear you down.
ReplyDeleteI find it very hard to confront people about what they have said and tend to stop seeing them but I understand that sometimes it's not that easy. At the end of the day, it's not about whether you can or can't change the 'thing' she insults you about - it's the fact that if she has nothing nice to say she really should just shut up.
Sending heaps of hugs your way - I know how demoralising it can be when you are working hard to improve something and someone feels they can just knock it down without any thought for what they have done to you. xox
She doesn't mean it nastily, she just thinks she's being funny.
DeleteI am big on communicating. In a calm and measured way. Our success with anything in life runs parallel with the quality of our communication. Of she is a real friend she'll appreciate that you spoke to her about it. If she responds negatively then it's probably time to distance yourself. You're worth more than that. It might end up being the best conversation you've ever had. Just open up and tell her how it makes you feel.
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Lydia maybe it's time you respond with or initiate some sarcastic humour - if she thinks she's being funny then hopefully that approach gets the message across that you think it's hurtful not funny but without making her feel terrible, if you think her intention isn't to be mean and she's just clueless when it comes to your feelings. If she still doesn't get it then maybe she is just too insensitive to be worth it as a friend.
ReplyDeleteWould you consider writing to her in a letter or email just letting her know of your hurt from her words. Sometimes that is a measured way to let someone know how you are feeling rather than via a conversation. She doesn't sound like a friend though to me either. We need to build each other up not put each other down
ReplyDeleteYou need to let her know she needs to stop. And if it doesn't, she's not really a friend. Often jibes like this show more about her than you. x
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