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Monday, 6 May 2019

The Other Mother's Day

My Mother's Day is fine, long settled in the routine of me seeing my mother to celebrate her and my husband seeing his mother at her lunch. So I am lucky and we have no issues, but even I was irritated by the weekend magazine with it's barrage of 'why I'm so happy in motherhood' articles, and endless ads for presents to give. Enough already, it's really not that interesting!

In a facebook group, someone asked for a support group for parents with estranged children and in true Facebook form, I'm now getting the relevant ads. So in a Mother's Day post with a difference, I'm posting for the mothers that find themselves out of the Hallmark card cliche.

Firstly, unbeknowst to me, until last Sunday, the Sunday in May before Mother's Day is actually International Bereaved Mother's Day. It's a day to celebrate the motherhood of mothers who have lost their child. I thought this article on the morning tea held has some important sentiments worth remembering.

Secondly, to all the people whose Mothers are no longer here to celebrate. I am luckily not in that boat yet but I know Father's Day felt hollow without the great man at the table, so I feel for you and I hope it's not a painful week with the overwhelming advertising and I hope Sunday brings peace in remembrance with it.

Lastly, the support groups for those whose adult children no longer contact them. This must be an extraordinary tough time to have the shops and newspapers ramming happy families on you at every turn. I am not affilitated with any of these, and know little about them so please investigate first. However, I hope you find comfort and even more, hope your child returns to your life. One site did mention that years later people will see your posts in the closed forums, so a pseudonym might be a good idea for privacy, and I think that is well advised.

Australia: Beyond Blue

UK Stand Alone

This is a website that came up, while trying to find the local support groups. Not sure where it is based. https://www.rejectedparents.net/ and I think this is in the US http://www.estrangements.com/groups-and-blogs.html

There are also a number of FB groups. However, I struggled to find local groups that meet in person, so if anyone knows any details, feel free to add to the comments below. I hope this information helps in one way or another, if only not to feel so alone.

Lastly, a big shout out to Prince Harry for his comment “How any woman does what they do is beyond comprehension,” ...“I’m so incredibly proud of my wife.” which I think has made every woman on the planet want to high five him. That is the attitude you want to hear after giving birth. That's what needs to be in the Hallmark cards.

To everyone, may your Sunday be pleasant no matter what it means to you.

Linking with #Stayclassymama #MLSTL #TriumphantTales, #TwinklyTuesday and #DreamTeam

25 comments:

  1. Fab awareness happy mothers day to you too X #twinklytuesday

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  2. Amen to Harry's reaction, thoughts, and pride!

    A Mother's Day post with lots of feeling and a treasure of sentiments.

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  3. Thank you for sharing this information with all of us. My mom is no longer here to celebrate Mothers Day with, and that does leave me feeling blue sometimes.

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    1. It's hard. And I don't think the barrage of advertising helps. I hope you have a lovely Sunday.

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  4. Something I never knew, but an important day for anyone finding themselves in this terrible situation. #DreamTeam

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    1. Yes, until you know, it's amazing how little we think about these things.

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  5. My mother has passed. But this is a good reminder to call my mother-in-law this week!

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  6. Thank you for sharing this very thoughtful and informative Mother's Day post for ALL Mothers and ALL of their children. #MLSTL

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  7. I'm seeing my mum and MIL in for Mothers Day. Our kids live 2hours away and never make it down for a visit. I always get a phone call from each of them, but I lonnnnnggg for a visit - what mothers with kids nearby just take for granted. I wrote about it a couple of years ago and managed to upset my daughter so much she stopped talking to me for a few months. I guess we're not allowed to say we miss our adult kids - apparently it's "guilt tripping". So now I accept the lovely phone calls and a card if I get extra lucky and am grateful that I'm not estranged from either of them because that is truly horrible.
    Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I've shared on my SM :)

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    1. I would have thought 2 hours was still a day trip. We have to do 2.5 each way some Christmases. However, as someone who doesn't call enough or visit enough (or so I'm told), I also get life just gets difficult and too busy....

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  8. I loved this Lydia because I get so tired of the 'hype' around Mother's Day. I have a Mother's Day tradition with my daughter who is now also a Mum. We always start the day running the Mother's Day Classic in memory of my own Mum who died from breast cancer at 63, almost 35 years ago. It is a beautiful way to remember Mum, spend time with my daughter and then we catch up with my son and rest of the family for brunch. I don't need gifts, just quality time. Thanks for linking up at sharing at #MLSTL and yes, I thought Prince Harry's comment was spot on. :)

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    1. Do you see deb running it too? (and yes, I think if the hype bugs me who has an issue free Mothers Day, imagine what it does to those with painful experiences?)

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    2. This is my 'inclusive protest' against the cliches...;)

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  9. This was interesting and informative Lydia and so relevant for many. I will be running in the Mother's day Classic in Canberra usually I do it with my daughter but she had her first child 8 months ago so isn't up to running with me just yet. We will have lunch together though and it will be my first time as a grandmother on Mother's Day!! I also loved Harry's comments and they were so genuine and sincere! #mlstl

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    1. Do you see Sue? Or is this different cities?

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  10. Ahh...Mother's Day. I have an off/on/then off again relationship with it. My ex-husband never got me anything for the day because I wasn't his mother, but he also never taught his son to do anything for me on that day. So to me, it's just another day. (My son and I live in different states, but he gets upset if I don't call him once a week to check in on him---which is far better to me than a once a year recognition.) My current husband and I used to own a chocolate shop so by Mother's Day we were exhausted and would go on vacation for a week...after visiting my own mother first. Mom passed at the beginning of this year so no one for me to honor. Until I read this post, I'd even forgotten that it was even coming up.

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    1. I'm sorry I reminded you! And sorry for your loss. It's a hard one, no matter what the age or circumstances.

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  11. I had no idea there was such a thing as International Bereaved's Mother's Day. I can imagine Mother's Day is a difficult time for so many people. #kcacols

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  12. Thank you so much for sharing this. I had no idea it existed!! :o

    #KCACOLS

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  13. I'm very fortunate to still have my parents and am able to spend a lot of time with my daughter but in the back of my mind on these days is always all those that can't. I'm sure it must be very hard #kcacols

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  14. I didn't know about this holiday. My mom has been passed away for some time now, and find Mother's Day to be hard. For many years, my oldest daughter was out of my life due to many terrible personal reasons, but she is finally back in the picture on a small scale.

    Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It's certainly helpful.#KCACOLS

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  15. What a beautiful post. I've had three miscarriages and we are still trying for our rainbow baby so mother's day is hard for me. Especially as it happens at different times in the UK and the rest of the world so I have to go through it twice a year. It can be so hard to acknowledge my hurt but also not ruin the day for my loved ones. #kcacols

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear. I do think it must be awful for those in painful situations to get an additional extra thorn in the side from a celebration across the globe. I will be wishing for rainbows for you.

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  16. I really like the thought that there is a Bereaved Mothers Day. I always feel Mother's Day, and the commercial onslaught that happens every year, must make it so difficult to deal with. Great to know there are support groups to help. #KCACOLS

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