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Sunday, 1 March 2015

What I learnt from The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

No spoilers, just using some lines from the film to explore an idea. I am now of an age where I am watching marriages of 20 years come to a surprising end. I don't see it coming, they're people I would consider a rock solid couple. Sometimes it's an affair, a lot of times it's because they 'don't talk'.

As the film points out, you can be very lonely in a couple, and no one wants to be that lonely when they're supposed to be sharing a life together.


In the film, there are a couple of lines that give examples of different couples:

A:"You don't care at all, do you?" (said laughingly)
B:"Only in so much that it matters to you."

and

C:"Just because I'm looking at you when you talk, doesn't mean I'm listening or care"

A lot of long term marriages turn into C. Just because you are living together, juggle kids together, fronting up to the same meals together and so on, doesn't mean you are sharing a life. If everyone else is filling your world and your partner is no longer getting your attention, then you need to take action before it's too late. Everyone in group C needs to move to B.

You need to actively make it happen "Water doesn't flow until you turn the tap on". You may think you're chugging along happily but you're partner may not be. Paying a little bit more attention may make all the difference. Let them know that they matter to you. Never assume they know it. As discussed before, nothing goes without saying.

Don't wait for a birthday or anniversary to make them feel special. Do it today. It doesn't have to cost the earth. Ask them what they are working on, take an interest in their day, comment on their appearance. Best of all, sit with them and talk.

As the film says "There's no present like the time".

(Image Source)

Linking up off topic with #IMustConfess


21 comments:

  1. I watched the movie on the weekend and loved it even more than the first one. The final line "There's no present like the time" stuck with me. We are fortunate to have time on our hands. We need to make the most of it.

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  2. Great advice, Lydia. My husband uses that tap analogy. Relationships are something you continually need to work at. I haven's seen either of those movies but I really want to!

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  3. Excellent advice, Lydia. I've been surprised when friends discuss their marriages that are only a few years in and are already struggling. It's a bit cliche but I think marriage is like a seed- there's no point planting it and hoping for the best- they need daily attention.

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  4. I want to see this movie. Really enjoyed the first one. And there's wisdom I can heed in your words Lydia - we are coming up for our 20th wedding anniversary in April.

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  5. Someone close to me is going through a marriage break up for exactly these reasons. They did talk but not enough and not about the right things. Meanwhile there's no way in heck that my husband will go to a movie that doesn't feature a car chase, explosions or space flight so I might have to take myself on a date for this one. I love Judi Dench. :-)

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  6. I love this post. After our hiccup of last weekend where there was no communication at all I do want to improve in this area and make sure we really are listening to each other and communicating. 17 years together and nearly 15 years of marriage is no guarantee...thanks for the reminder to make everyday special x

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  7. Love it Lydia - very wise words. I want to go see the film now x

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  8. Great advice - marriage is a constant work in progress. I loved the first film, can't wait to see this one x

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  9. P.S. I used to babysit Judy Dench's grandchildren. She is just the loveliest lady x

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  10. Great post! My mum actually went and saw the movie for the 2nd time yesterday - must be good! This rings so true - talking is the most important thing in a relationship and I have seen this breakdown the strongest of relationships.

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  11. This is so true. A good reminder! We've started to do in house date nights on Wednesday. Connecting is so important.

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  12. Yes, I think you can get into trouble when you take it for granted that just because you're married, doesn't mean you don't need to show interest as much any more. John's at work so much, that when we spend time together we're practically talking over each other to get the info shared!
    i really must see these movies, they're on my list x

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  13. My husband won't let me leave the house without a kiss goodbye. He's much more diligent towards the little things than I... but he and YOU are right.
    BTW Lydia I entered that Grieve competition you tweeted me x Thanks for the heads up!

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  14. Wise words. I need to go watch this now :)

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  15. Can't wait to watch this movie. This is such a lovely thought to do, people too quickly forget.

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  16. Great advice. I am so thankful to have a wonderful husband and we are closer than ever as we approach our 25th wedding anniversary!

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  17. I really need to see these movies. After the argument Mick and I had this morning (I won't bore you with the details- sorry! ), this is a very good reminder. xo

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  18. That's great advice. I know Paul and I sometimes find ourselves just existing together and we are passing each other like ships in the night. It's those times when I know I need to tune out the social media and tune into the people right in front of me.

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  19. Only online briefly and popping in on my favourites. A rather timely post for me, with hubby of almost 20 years heading to sea (with no contact) for up to a month, this week. It's the time apart that makes me take stock and appreciate just what we have. I think we both take each other for granted and get caught up in the day to day goings on of life.

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  20. Great post, makes me reflect on me and hubby. We are pretty damn good at paying attention and making the little things count. I think that having kids will be the biggest challenge for this!

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  21. A friend just put this up on FB, and I think it's exactly what I'm trying to say about the listening...http://www.justiceschanfarber.com/marriage-why-women-leave-cheat/

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