How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? Satchel Paige

 I was looking to fly to Ultra because I'm a big Sam Feldt fan and both Fefe and Tiesto cancelled (my xmas present!) but as I'm off to Hobart this week with my bookclub, I thought I needed to be around with the kids more before I go.

Luckily, I saw that he's doing a show at Marquee. Unfortunately, the show starts after midnight and I need to wear something 'dress to impress' for a 'strict dress code'. I do not own the clothes they mean, nor do I have the body to carry them off if I did. More to the point, my face is going to be the problem, more specifically, my age and I think they'll use my clothes as an excuse to refuse me entry.

At festivals I just dress for comfort, to be able to jump about and I'm pretty invisible after the bag check. This time, I feel they'll be judging my appearance, and whether I'll bring the vibe down. Which I will, even just hiding in the corner by myself. 

I also don't want to get COVID before my flight to Hobart so want to wear a mask. To just add to the weirdness of my being there. On the plus, the mask will hide my old lady face.

So after a 10-month hiatus from my neglected list, I'm back on it. Adding one more first-time experience before the gate closes on me.

This one really has brought out a raft of insecurities and fear. I feel weird that I want to do things my friends my age don't. It doesn't make me young at heart, it just makes me odd and out of step with everyone. I don't fit in with the people there and I don't fit in with the people that don't want to be there. I just don't fit in. 

I've learnt to ignore the looks or laugh along with the comments along the lines of "OMG! You're so old!" and yes, that literally was squealed in my face one time. But this time it might be a conversation that refuses me entry. I feel like I'm underage and trying to get in on a false ID. It will be disguised as a different reason but it will be an official 'you are so old we don't want you here'. That will be a hard blow to my ego and self-esteem. It must be what a lot of men see reflected in others as they retire out of company life. So wish me luck for 30 & 31! 

Torshlusspanik List:

1. Shooting (check)
2. Fencing (check)
3. Play croquet at Croquet Club
4. Laser skeet
5. Off road buggy driving
6. Play Assassins Creed
7. Jetpacking (check)
8. The Color Run (check)
9. Invent something
10. Cooking Masterclass (check)
11. Master a Masterclass (check)
12. Perform a rap song (check)
13. Trampoline adventure (check)
14. BMX Riding (check)
15. Do a cart wheel (check)
16. Ride an Electric Bike (check)
17. Astonish Myself
18. Write a book.
19. Participate in a distance event (check)
20. Climb Sydney Tower (check)
21. Dance in a dance class (check)
22. Trust a stranger

23. Get a truck for the Landmine Museum and Relief Centre in Siem Reap

24. Paint a picture

25. Go Rollerskating (check)

26. Do Chinese Square Dancing

27. Do some life drawing

28. Make something on a pottery wheel (check)

29. Try Axe Throwing (Check)

30. Get into a nightclub with 'a strict dress code'.

31. Go to a gig that starts after midnight.

See other posts on the list here

Wish me luck - here's hoping I'm partying like Post Malone tonight! (Video is  conveniently fitting for Mardi Gras!)

Lastly, if we were having coffee, I would tell you I have to write a story for Furious Fiction today, and I'll be offline from next Tuesday until the following Monday due to some early morning meetings and then the weekend away. So see you in a fortnight.

Linking with #Lifethismonth