Some of you know, I regularly enter short story competitions, and those that write fiction know that each time you write, you fall slightly in love with the characters (even the wicked ones). So every time their tale of woe is deemed uninteresting or their beautifully crafted history is rejected because it's just not good enough, there is a small sting, because you really thought this time, you were in with a chance....
So it was with high hopes I opened the email from the Hunter Writers Centre...but this time, instead of the instantaneous sinking feeling that usually follows, I learned that my little story had been long listed and would be published in the anthology. I was thrilled! I have been published and translated online, but never in cold hard print. For an old lady like me, print means more (even though intellectually, it shouldn't, and wouldn't, if I was a hip young thing).
I am eagerly awaiting the copy of the book I ordered.
Now for the honest, greedy confession...while I was on a high for a few weeks about making the book and being long listed, I then desperately wanted to be shortlisted...and in with the running at the prizes...not for the money, it was purely driven by ego.
By the time the night came, I knew intellectually I would have received an email, but I still half hoped there was some chance I'd look at the site and discover I'd made the cut.
I hadn't. I can laugh at the fact that what I was thrilled with as a first for me, and huge compliment, was in a few weeks usurped with desire for more. This is one of the great flaws in us humans. We quickly stop appreciating what we have.
This morning, I am happy again just to be published, and I am celebrating that achievement. I also have an idea for an Aesop style fable, based on my own vanity.
I am glad I can see the irony of my thinking, because without that self awareness it would actually ruin the moment of success for me. I would have spoilt the experience all by myself.
I leave you with a quote I've shared with a few other bloggers of late, and yet still needed it said to myself last night.
"I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else.
I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be." -Ken Venturi
Linking up With Some Grace