I have spent the week talking to a number of friends whose kids are having hard times finding themselves. Life is tough. Tough because they're gay and this country at the moment seems particularly unkind to those who are just trying to make their way in the world like everyone else. Tough because their high ATAR didn't seem to bring them what they thought it might. Tough because their parents seem to have expectations at odds with their happiness. Tough because they just don't know how to find their passion or place in the world.
I have also met a number of adults at parties that seem to be in the same boat. Age doesn't seem to have speed up their ability to find what makes them happy and flourish. Neither in work or interests. Unfortunately, the older you get, the more foreign the idea of change becomes.
I've just discovered MOTi and the very wonderful advice in his song, 'You just don't know it yet'. To all those kids and their parents, just remember, while struggling to find where to fit in "You will find that heaven's in you, you just don't know it yet".
There is a light buried inside us all. You just need to find out how to turn it on. It may not be the path you thought you would take, and there's a very good chance it won't be the path your parents or school told you to take. It probably won't be the 'should' that gets given to you by others. It may be a few steps down the wrong path and then a sharp left. Who knows? If you are doing something that makes you unhappy, there's a pretty good chance that whatever you are doing is not it. Try something else. Focus and work hard on whatever your current endeavour is, even if it isn't your passion, so you know for sure when it's time to move on that it is for the right reasons. But know when you do find it, and love it, you will be fabulous.
Everyone deserves to be fabulous*.
Linking with #KALCOLS #Dreamteam and #StayClassyMama. Also linking with #MLSTL because it's never too old to find your passion (or a new one)
Also the #XmasLinky is live for this week if you want to swing by with your Christmas themed posts.
*This line is from Kick Ass with Mel Robbins,
Wise words, change is not easy as we get older but that shouldn't put us off when it is needed. #DreamTeam
ReplyDeleteNot all of mine will go to Uni and that's fine with me. Popping back from #KCACOLS
Deleteoh how true...and just because your on one path you can change direction. #MLSTL
ReplyDeleteSo true, everyone deserves to be fabulous! Great words and an uplifting message #mlstl
ReplyDeleteGreat post bringing back memories of the stress my children were under as teenagers to make the ‘right’ career decisions. They all did well and all took a left turn away from those decisions. And they are fabulous. #MLSTL Sharing
ReplyDeleteLove this response!
DeleteWe have experienced much of the angsty stuff with our kids and now grandkids. What we have learned is school is not for everyone (despite the fact we are teachers!) and that you can find your own path. Nothing like the ways in which we found ourselves in careers and staying there. Unfortunately it is much harder for full time employment these days but I think the attitude of the younger people in my family who are doing what they can is admirable. Denyse #mlstl
ReplyDeleteSchool and Uni are def not for everyone - or not for them just yet. But there seem to be a lot of surprising pathways now...
DeleteA very generous post Lydia. I feel a little more cynical myself (although I do recognize that there are exceptions to the rule). I find that a large percentage of young people have been told how special they are from the day they're born and they have huge expectations of what life is going to offer them - and when reality starts to sneak in they're left with doubts and discouragement. I read this excellent article several years ago that I think sums it up really well: https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html
ReplyDeleteI went to a 50th and most people there seemed to have an air of discontent, quite a few bordering on depression (and one clearly depressed). So I don't think it's limited to young people. Will read the article and see what it says.
DeleteI found the age range odd in that article - 24 to 41 year olds. The particular kids I was talking about are 18 and 19, so it's not really that issue. Thinking of the 30 year olds I know, they tend to be in pretty dynamic work, or change jobs successfully after a few years, so stable employment. The article seems to imply there is job security or a fulfilling careers as two different options. I would argue there is pretty much no job security any more - as 3 50 year old friends just discovered, and as the slashing of the public service by this government will show. I know kids in the 18-22 group (so not who the article is aiming - it's maybe more at the 40 bracket?) with 2 or even 3 minimum wage jobs as this dreadful 'gig' economy is forcing them to hustle more just to get by. I do however think that the Happiness = Reality - Expectations equation explains why so many people my age, in their 50s, are less happy than they should be. I think the author is spot on there, but possibly focused on the wrong age group as having the problem, tho maybe it's actually an ageless issue (the stats for depression/lack of happiness def back it up as the problem for the 50-55 year olds). I did however like the advice at the end, but that's for everyone (all ages). Appreciate the share tho. I would never have found it myself, and I might do something with that equation....
DeleteLife is tougher when you don't conform to the "norm", whatever that is? Leanne made a very good point. I too have heard about how tough it is for many young people not because they are gay, for many other reasons and their parents are having to support them for much longer than anticipated. Whether this is a good thing or not, I can't answer that. For one I am not a parent, so I do tend to see a different angle on this topic. #MSTL
ReplyDeleteThat's an interesting point. The adult children live at home much longer than they used to. We were all out the door at 18, as fast as we could...hmmm
DeleteI agree that everyone deserves to feel fabulous! One of my sons is a much happier soul living in the adult world than he ever was in the school environment. Everyone is different and society should embrace those differences.
ReplyDeleteI think so many people are happier once they are out of school and out of pleasing their parents. As I wrote before (and stolen from the Kite runner), they aren't our colouring books. We don't get to fill them in with our favourite colours. That can be hard to watch but when you see them flourish, it's amazing - especially in jobs we didn't even know existed!
DeleteI don't think this is limited to the young. Among our age there tends to be a bit of the "is this all there is?" I'm with you, keep trying something new...there is indeed a light in us all.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I've found. I think for the 50's it's a different reason (as you pointed out) but in the young it's because they don't actually know what or how to find happiness. They've spent their whole life today getting 'good grades' to 'get a good job' but what that means is beyond them. And what their parents say it means is not a right fit for them.
DeleteThanks Lydia. Thoughtful post and think you're fabulous for writing it. Visiting from #MLSTL.Will reshare or pin.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I finally found my joy when I began writing 6 years ago. While I loved my previous career, this is so much better! #DreamTeam
ReplyDeleteYay! That's great to hear!
DeleteThey say nobody likes change don't they, and I think that's definitely true the older you get! #DreamTeam
ReplyDeleteFinding a way to be comfortable in your own skin is a struggle that I think most of us go through at some point or another. Great post. #KCACOLS
ReplyDeleteI think we need to remember that life is a journey but there may be extra stops and changes of direction along the way! Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama
ReplyDeleteOh I love this! It can be so hard to find your path and where you fit in to the world, especially if you feel that your parents wanted a certain life for you. These are wise words we can all learn from! x #KCACOLS
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. Boy do I wish I had read this when I was in my early twenties. I was wandering around with not a clue what to do with my life. Thankfully I got on the right path but it took far more time than it should have. Maybe a lot of people out there battle with that they want to do and what they feel they should be doing? It takes a lot of strength to live the way you actually want to and I commend anyone brave enough to do it. Thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS and hope to see you back next time.
ReplyDeleteVery true and life can be very hard especially when you have no idea yet X #kcacols
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