Only dead fish go with the flow - Andy Hunt

I need to say, the quote in the title seems to be very similar to the G K Chesterman one, so not sure entirely about the attributed author, blame the misinformation on the internet if I've got it wrong. The photos have nothing to do with the words, but just from a recent early morning walk...look at the pictures, read the words or do both, you're choice.

We were going to dinner before the theatre and only had an hour, so we just ordered a main. The food, however, came so quickly and the walk to the theatre was much less than the 15 minutes we'd initially thought, so we had plenty of time and decided to order dessert.

The desserts were minimal and three of us ordered the gelato just for the sake of it, rather than with much enthusiasm. Our fourth, however, said "I'm getting a starter". To the waitress he said, "I'll have the anchovies". She was a little confused so he pointed to it on the menu. "Oh, you're having an entree?" she questioned. "Yes" he affirmed confidently.

Now, I realised I should have done the same, as there were many more things in the entree menu that appealed to me than the desserts.

Why do we blindly follow these rules? There's no need, there's no harm to anyone if we buck the system in this case.  Yet we don't. We follow an unspoken path of behaviour. Even if we don't really want the dessert, most of it order it if still hungry. Just because that's what's meant to come next.

I am a person who will order two entrees instead of a main if I don't like the main, and one time, at a restaurant that had amazing entrees but very pedestrian mains, we said "We'll just order all the entrees, and not have any mains". The waiter said "Fine, which ones do you want?" To which we replied, a la Ron Swanson (but before he said it), "All of them. Just bring them out a few at a time". The waiter found this hilarious but enthusastically complied.

So why was I surprised when my friend ordered anchovies for dessert? I guess I've become more conforming and conservative in age without realising it. It's not so much I needed permission to do it, more it just never occured to me - I was bound by some arbitary rule about what to do in restauarants. Illogically unquestioning...What else do I do this with?

Linking with #TravelTuesday #WednesdayAoundtheWorld #MCoW #AnythingGoes #WeekendCoffeeShare #SkyWatch & #WWandP 

Wild bird

 

I loved the reflection of the clouds on the water in these early morning shots in the Hunter Valley. 

These funny banded birds didn't seem to mind me coming up close. Anyone know what they are?

Linking with #PictorialPotpurri  (Imaginings) #WWOT #NaturesNotes  #GardenAffair #SundayBest #Weekendreflections for the clouds in the water #SaturdayCritters #DND  #Wildbird Wednesday & 

 

Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment. Shame can’t survive being spoken. Brene Brown

Trigger warning on Miscarriage. Please consider if this will cause you distress. It's not anything personal nor particular interesting.

The Guardian Full Story had a feature this week called  "Medical misogyny and the government's plan to tackle it". This problem in medicine was also covered in depth in Dr Jen Gunter's The Menopause Manifesto, as a global and historical issue. 

When I was discussing some menopause problems with my GP, he said "I can recommend my colleague [a female GP] for you to see if you want to look at treatments". I pointed out that he was my doctor and I didn't want to have to see anyone else so he better get up to speed. He explained that she had better expertise and understanding. While I admired his honesty in his shortfall in knowledge and perhaps this is an improvement to the brush off women have experienced for years when they seek advice for perfectly natural complaints, I wonder how so many male doctors can historically be the care provider for pregnancy but not menopause? 

I am very late to the party but am listening to Clementine Ford's Fight Like a Girl on Audible. She raises the query as to why we are advised not to tell people we are pregnant before the 12 week mark. If a lot of us will experience miscarriage in that early stage, why expected to go through that on our own? It had never occurred to me before. This concept is putting shame on the miscarriage. A perfectly natural complication is something we 'should' keep secret. Surely this upsetting time is a time when our good friends should rally around and help us through? Not necessarily talking about it, but being there when we need it. Yes, your partner is there for you, and you for them, but they are going through the loss too. They may not be equipped to support you the way you need it while grappling with their own grief. And vice versa. Why, as women, have we gone along with this for centuries. I didn't tell people for 12 weeks, I thought you wouldn't want to have to tell everyone if you miscarried. It is what I'd been told to do. I never questioned it. If you did tell friends, surely in the process of showering you with love in your painful time, one of them would get on the blower and get everyone up to speed. The same way when you lose a parent, everyone gets told, not necessarily by you.

I have daughters, and I have decided I am not passing on this antiquated rule. Should they miscarry, I want them to be supported in the best way possible, not struggling alone. And I certainly don't want them to feel any shame on top of the grief.

I am old and I've had three children. It never occurred to me to question how illogical this 'advice' is. I am not wondering what else I've taken on without thinking. This stuff is wired into us from an early age and we just roll with it. It took me to reach perimenopause before I even realised that is a natural part of life that is shrouded in shame and secrecy. And just like 12 week rule, I don't think it's a good thing. 

However, the tide is shifting. My then primary school daughter talked freely about periods at the dinner table in front of the males. This is a far cry from my teens in a girls boarding school where we skulked around trying to hide the fact we were menstruating from each other every single month (which is ridiculous when I think probably all the girls in the dorm were synced with each other). I am talking openly  about menopause with anyone (should the need arise) regardless of gender, and definitely using the word, instead of those weird 'The big M' or other such nicknames it has. I am embarrassed to say it’s often because I’m astounded at hope little I knew about it as an educated, adult woman (I find it genuinely perplexing)....and I am very glad to see governments are becoming aware of the problem and trying to do something about it. 

This great educator, Mr Pink (well worth following) put this up on twitter. I was perplexed that he was embarrassed by his lack of knowledge when I didn't know anything until I started going through it!

I like this quote but I wish the book had a different title. These medical issues are just natural diversity rather than imperfection. 

“Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it- it can't survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.” 

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection 

Linking wiht #FriendshipFriday

Lunar New Year

 The last two weeks have been packed with celebrations with friends - dumplings and fortune cookies, amidst red lanterns and lion dances.

In an exciting turn of events, the crockery is back at Din Tai Fung at The Star (something that was lost in the Covid lockdowns). One more step towards the 'before' times. 

Lotus has the most darling (and delicious) crab and prawn dumplings for a New Year special. 

The night we went, they also had a Lion dance and I learnt that you are meant to give red packets to the Lion and pat it's head for prosperity and luck....we were underprepared...

It is a joyous time of year.

Wishing you happiness and prosperity in the year ahead. Or at least more good times than bad. And good health. Especially good health.

. 

Linking with #Allseasons #KeithsRamblings #WordlessWednesday #HappyTuesday #WWOAT #RubyTuesdayToo #TheRandom

 

 

Simple pleasures

 

While in Bali, we had to change our plans and ended up in Jimbaran for longer than intended. There was a lot of reading my book on the daybed while the others slept in or relaxed indoors, escaping the heat.

As humans do, my routine became quicky fixed and I'd collect the fallen frangipani and put them in a dish of water next to me, so the smell infused the air. 

Morning tea of rambutans and spiced cashews or lychees became my mid morning treat.

Simple pleasures but somehow the luxury I miss most now I'm getting back into the swing of things.

While there were lots of gardens and green plants, this seems to be the only flower on the tree I saw (or at least took a photo of). I find that quite strange.

Linking with #TravelTuesday #PictorialPotpourri #WWOT #TheRandom #HappyTuesday (because it really made me happy) #WordlessWednesday #YourMoment #GardenAffair & FloralFriday Foto.

Take time to find out what your dreams are

I saw this on a wall in Melbourne, and it reminded me of a conversation with a friend who was feeling particularly lost after her marriage ended and most of her kids were now adults. She said 'The thing is, I don't know what I like' and later elaborated 'I don't have any hobbies'.  The Tabitha Carvan book I mention here also talks about this. Women in particular push aside their interests, especially once kids come into the picture. They put everyone else in the family first. Trying to meet everyone's needs leaves little time for their own.

And then you arrive at a point with extra time and you suddenly realise you don't know what your burning passions ever were.

So start to nuture them. Or experiment with something new. Find what brings you joy, or sparks your brain. Do that thing you've put off as silly or unrealistic. 

If there's one thing we learnt from Grandma Moses, it's never too late. After arthritis made embroidery difficult, she started to paint at the age of 76. With her success, her reputation grew. By her late 80's she was being honoured as Woman of the Year and Mademoiselle magazine even listed her as 'Young Woman of the Year' at 88! Age is not a barrier, only lack of interest. So find out what you love and follow those passions.

She sums up life in her autobiography, My Life's History, that she published at 92  "I look back on my life like a good day's work, it was done and I feel satisfied with it. I was happy and contented, I knew nothing better and made the best out of what life offered. And life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

Linking with #MuralMondays

Hare or Cat?

linking with #RubyTuesdayToo & #BlueMonday

 

We are at that time of year when the streets turn red - not in anger but joyous festivity.

This Lunar New Year we have the choice (in basic terms) of celebrating the Year of the Rabbit (Chinese predominately) or Year of the Cat (Vietnamese predominately). I am sticking with Sir David Hare and Dame Judi Dench and going with the Year of the Cat (this is a joke harking back to 1983...because I'm old and fuind myself hilarious even if no one else does).

Whatever you call it, I hope you ate well, hope you get rich (thanks Ronny Chieng) and may good fortune come your way.

As an aside, I've reluctantly upped my alcohol free nights (which is dull and boring and I don't need to hear about anyone's Dry July/Feb fast/Wagoning or anything else - it's edious enough doing it, let alonetalking about it). However, I feel my fortune macaroon was taunting me which is probably an indication of my year to come....

Incidently you can see Sir David Hare live at this event in March, everyone should go and give me a report because I can't go.

Linking with #FriendshipFriday #YourMoment #WWOAT #WordlessWednesday #KeithsRamblings