Once you're in it, it's okay

Deb Cook responded to my post last week 'Oh, isn't that interesting that the stuff you expect to be stressful isn't (the HSC trials) and relaxing dinners out can be?!' and she got me thinking. A lot of our stressful situations, we create. Had you asked me even a month ago, would my child and I have fun lunches on the way to an HSC trial exam, I would never have expected the answer to be yes.

Having seen a few friends get teary at their child's graduation and feel feelings of loss at the end of their role as a school parent, awaiting the pending empty nest and all that it means, I was expecting a wave of sadness and loss as my eldest left school. I was completely unprepared for the feelings of pride and excitement when I received the email to my own child's graduation ceremony - I understand this is my first graduation and their last, so maybe I'll be in the same boat later down the line. However, for now, I'm excited at her new adventures, and at the person she's becoming.

In a surprising turn of events, I don't even care now about the HSC. As she madly fills out application forms, I figure she'll get into something, one way or another, so does the ATAR even matter? Perhaps it is us, the adults in the education system and the parents of those doing year 12 that need to change the stress levels for our children. Given 40-50% of year 11 and 12 students suffer clinical emotional distress, maybe our focus needs to put it in a more realistic frame. My child is still sitting the same exams, but the stress free trials experience seems to have altered the 'importance' of the exams. They're just exams. Same as all the other ones you've done before in 12 years of schooling.

I am very much the person expecting the worst, in order to be prepared, but perhaps I'd be better parking that energy and just waiting to see how it plays out? When my father was dying, I came across the audio book This is How by Augusten Burroughs. While driving to and from the hospital each day, I learnt how to let someone die and how to cope with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. His book talks of the anticipatory stress being far worse than the actual terrible thing happening. The truth of the matter is "Once you're in it, it's okay" The outcome was the same awful loss it was always going to be, but the book helped me make it less painful for both me and Dad. I really made the most of the time we had, even though he was stuck in a hospital for months. I made it matter and we shared some really special moments in those last crappy months.

If this was true for the painful loss of a parent, how can it not be true for such a simple thing as exams? Or something as positive as a child growing into an adult and stretching their wings into the wide world?

As daunting as you feel it will be, as big an obstacle as it appears, always remember, no matter what you are facing, once you're in it, it's okay.

Linking with #BookNook

(This is How is excellent - it covers among other things, how to be thin, how to be fat, how to be confident, how to fail, how to get a job, how to feel less regret and so many other things. I am eternally grateful for discovering this book in my library by accident when I did. It made me get through three incredibly difficult months without regrets, and cope with a loss I thought I'd never be able to bear.I can not recommend this book enough.)