There is a chapter in Augusten Burrough's book This is How on How to be sick. It covers the experience of diagnosis and then most importantly, discusses how you shouldn't run away with all the what if's. How to stick in the moment with only the symptoms you have at the time, not what is coming. It's focus is getting the most out of living in the moment with disease.
With my Dad there were so many medical decisions to make (he had a million diseases going on the trot and all the doctors had conflicting advise about whose operation should go first*). This book helped me say to Mum that whatever decision she mad, she couldn't look back in hindsight with regret and doubt her judgement. She was making the decision with all the information she had at the time.
Not a cheery post but hopefully if you are wanting to give useful support to people, it gives you a few starting places to educate yourself a little.
This sounds like an interesting book to read Lydia….my local library has it in audio form so I’ll have a loan when we get home. I’m wondering if the podcast would be relevant to any illness- not just cancer. I’ll give it a listen sometime. Thanks for the recommendations.
ReplyDeleteCathy #WWandP
The podcast is specific to breast cancer but I think you could apply it to a lot of illness. Especially the greiving your life pre diagnosis (or pre symptom if a chronic fatiguing illness). And the audio of This is How is brilliant - so funny. He reads it and does a charming job.
DeleteIt was you who got me listening to Augusten Burroughs and that book. I appreciate the help. I also know of the work of Megan Devine and others relating to grief. What I know as someone who had cancer is that it is good to acknowledge it and say 'I am sorry' but its not helpful (for me) to use warrior words like "kill those cells" and "you can BEAT this" because for me, far too many I've known of since entering the world of head and neck cancer actually don't. And often they are young. So, off my soapbox now. Oh, couple more things is that I've seen on various pages that it can be helpful for someone in a friendship group to organise friends for things like practical stuff like taking kids to school or shopping. And don't say, let me know how I can help. No...you don't have the energy to do that.
ReplyDeleteNot a soap box! All very good advice. I try not to say the overly positive or warrior things (which goes against my default so I'm mindful of it). And yes, better to just make the flat out offer of specific things than 'let me know'....
DeleteIt was great to see you link up a post this week for Wednesdays Words and Pics on Denyse Whelan Blogs to Connect. Thank you so much and I hope to see you next week too. Denyse.
DeleteI do think our brains naturally scramble ahead to the 'what if' future. It's actually a conscious effort to stay focused on the moment, when it's big, debilitating experience.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope you get on top of if all now, after the surgery.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing these resources, Lydia. I'll check them out. I think the advice of not looking too far in the future is excellent for any of life's challenges, but especially illness.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing - have not heard of these before. Popping over from France to say bonjour
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this post#dreamteam
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a book that almost everyone can benefit from reading. It seems like cancer is more abundant now than ever before. It's like it's something almost everyone is going to get hit with one way or another. It's good to know how you can help someone through it. #DreamTeam
ReplyDeleteWatched my oldest sister experience so many stages in her 18 month fight against colon cancer. She could have used this link.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Rose, Hibiscus . I have seen my relatives suffering from Cancer and even fighting from it , this book would be first in my read list. Thanks for sharing with Garden Affair.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing these Lydia. Sound advice and discussions about living in the moment, even when emotions will be telling us otherwise. #DreamTeam xx
ReplyDeleteIt can be so difficult to know what to say to someone and how to offer advice so these resources look really supportive and helpful. Thanks for linking up with #DreamTeam
ReplyDelete