A friend who has had a very rough time this year was dealt another blow. She asked if I was superstitious. I said intellectually I wasn't. I knew it wasn't true but I would often 'fix my karma' and do good deeds to make myself feel better. I knew it was to think I was somehow in control when I wasn't.
I'm almost ready to drop off my Reverse advent calendar. I'm wondering if I can somehow pass on some clean karma to my friend...(Sometimes I'm even too ridiculous for me...but still, here I am)
I saw this dragon on the way to donate some toys to a local MP for some charity drive. The candy canes, someone else's street offering made me smile and put a spring in my step - even while there were no canes left, the sign was a gift enough.
Even if you don't see the benefit of what you do, there is still benefit in what you see along the way of doing it.
I'd been very stressed when I rushed to the Opera House to see the fabulous Lee Fields. I did have enough time for my preshow Negroni in the setting sunlight. Bathing in the golden light, my worries of the day could be banked for tomorrow and I felt the excitement of the pending show and when my husband turned up later, I announced to him how fortunate I was to be able to do this sort of thing.
There is something about the beauty of the setting sun that can momentarily take you out of your worries.
This week I had a very upsetting week (not personal but some very distressing news) and then in the Uber we came upon someone hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing. I was close to tears by the time I reached the ICC and my head was in a scramble of disturbing thoughts.
However, the mesmerising music and visuals of Kraftwerk worked it's wonders and I was restored.
There is much truth to Vonnegut's quote about music - I believe it of any music, not just the blues.
“The blues can’t drive depression clear out of a house, but they can drive it into the corners of any room where they are being played.”
I have written a lot about with age you grow a cloak of invisibility that allows you to move through places unnoticed. However recently, that went to a new level. At Hot Dub I was standing in line for the bar. My friend joined me after about 10 minutes, returning from the bathroom.
The guy behind me started a fight with us about pushing in. Initially I assumed he was joking and laughed along with him. Then as his anger grew, I realised he was serious. I pointed out I had been infront of him the whole time, and even raised a conversation he'd had with the people in front of me and he still didn't believe me.
I had been actually invisible to him (and I have to say, he wasn't that young himself!).
The next day at Harbourlife, the official photographer came and stood ON MY FEET and then leaned back into me to take photos. As he'd pinned me to the ground, I just had to stand there until he finished. It was surreal, and I turned to the guys behind me to check if they could acutally see me and I wasn't infact a ghost who didn't realise it. They looked at me and shrugged, not knowning what I should do.
So I seem to now either get double takes, looks of horror/mirth or patted on the head or back like a toddler OR I'm completely invisible.
The light hitting the puddle (and the glow of the cloud) looks better on my phone, but it's still a reminder there is beauty in everything if you are really looking.
May the sun be shining through the rain. May you be warmed by those around you.
And may you share joy and comfort wherever you go.
Following on about last week's post about squeezing back into my wedding dress...I did indeed squeeze back into it. I did my make up and then went to put on the super high shoes before walking out the door, only to discover they didn't fit. At all. It was like the ugly stepsister trying to squeeze her massive feet into the dainty slipper. They could not even go in. I wore them to a wedding in 2019 and they were fine.
So this is an age or menopause thing.
What it was, was depressing. I found another pair of shoes that had to do.
I sat in the uber googling what was the cause of mystifyingly enormous feet.
Possibly menopause as the estrogen affects the collagen production (a building block in the connective tissues. Feet get wider (but not longer). It explains the foot issue after jumping too much at gigs that I complained about here. It may not be the Converse's fault. Just the old lady's fault for continuing to exist in her less than newly minted body. The old lady's fault for trying to keep doing what she's always done, against the wishes of the ravages of time.
I will say this again, when kids are taught puberty, they need to also be taught menpause. I did HSC Biology and I still keep getting unpleasant surprises that feels like my body is decaying from within, only to discover it's all perfectly normal.
Apparently we need to get our feet measured every time we buy shoes once we age....
I feel increasingly alien in this body of mine - it's no longer the shape it always was, and my face is weathered & worn. While I'm working hard on unlearning the beauty standards wired into me, this surprise attack of the feet has set me mentally aspin.
I'm sure he was meaning this in more complimentary terms but this speaks volumes to me at the moment.
“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost
I feel very much unsuspectingly ambushed by time. It's both physically painful (literally at times) and mentally uncomfortable to know 'With every year, my personality becomes more inappropriate'. However, it is better than the alternative...
