"The details are not the details. They make the design. " Charles Eames

 

Walking through Launceston and I stumbled across this park. Just outside the conservatory there was this beautiful garden with a jumble of flowers, appearing as if in a 'wild jumble'. Howver, on closer inspection, they were planted in rows of colour and type. 

On even closer inspection, they were a detailed, symetrical pattern. Almost hard to believe they were a flower created naturally.

I guess the lesson is sometimes you have to look closer to really see what's going on.

Linking with #FloralFridayFoto

What's on my bookshelf - April

 I was off at Bluesfest and then down to Bluesfest - my reading and audiobook listening is at a standstill.

I had got this book in the book advent calender and thought it would be a good junk beach read. And it is. But it's also got a little more too it. It has lots of ideas hidden in the laughs.

How women are wired to make themselves small and apologise for things that aren't their fault, not acuase a scene and so on. Body issues. Sex (there is a lot of sex - weirdly untittilating sex, just words of sex so if that is shocking, along with a lot of swearing, it may not be your thing).

Set in the music industry of the 90's, or music magazine industry of that time, there's a lot of nostalgia for me too. 

She does at time have a beautiful turn of phrase - my favourite being that 'A book is a beautiful, paper mausoleum..in which to store ideas'.

I've ordered her other books so I guess that's a sign of how much I like it, and a copy for a friend as a gift.

Very short and sweet for me in the book stakes. Hope to get my head and foucs in order soon.

Linking with #FriendshipFriday #MonthlyBookworms and #WOYBS

“Birds chirping around you is a beautiful realization that life is incredibly good. Let this sound be a gentle break in your routine.” ― Hiral Nagda

While walking around Launceston, I tried to take bird shots. Alas, all the really scenic ones are blurry. These were the best, but not so good. I was aiming at sunrise for these birds in flight with their reflection in the still water, but none worked out. However, it was fun trying. 

So short and sweet for #RubyTuesdayToo for the swan #GardenAffair #WordlessWednesday #HappyTuesday  #SaturdaysCritters #WildBirdWednesday and #DND

The sad truth of growing up

I know this will come to no surprise, but I think we live life wrong. As kids the world is full of endless possibility and the smallest new thing is exciting. Even hearing that ice cream van in the distance would fill you with joy. Maybe it would come to your street? Maybe, for once, your mum would let you get an ice cream? (We were rarely allowed one because they were too expensive and without fail, I'd get so excited and run and ask Mum for money, ever hopeful. If itwas a no, I'd watch the an from the window until it drove out of view and the music grew faint, thinking 'Next time...'). Then we get older and have to decide what we do, like a singular enterprise is the goal - not be open to adventure, settle down in a job with responsibilites. Then act our age...oh, is there ever worse life advice? 

It's no secret I struggle with age. Not being old (except the physical decline) but that it gets harder to find people to have fun with. The gulf in our ideas of fun gets bigger and wider. I don't need to fit in, but I still want to do the thing. A friend recently changed venues because "It's more our kind of thing" and I thought "Is it?" I was disappointed we were no longer going to the buzzy bar, but I also wondered what we were that made the other place more suitable?

I got tired of missing out so now I just do the thing by myself if no one else will come. At first I was quite self conscious but now I have it down to an art. I have noticed though, through the Wednesday Club, that I am getting a few more partners in crime for these whimsical escapades, so I know I'm not alone....

I've always been a fan of Alice, since as long as I can remember, so any chance to run down the rabbit hole I'm quick to jump on. I also love magicians. I love that rush as you watch the impossible happen. 

In lockdown, I started to see some magic out in the streets on my walks - it was strange what I tapped into. I seem to have lost the ability again a little, though Rone tapped into it a little. While already on a high at Palm tree festival, I got a giddy rush of delight when Tiesto played White Lotus - it was so unexpected and I squealed involunarily when I recognised what it was. These are the moments to treasure in life. These fleeting feelings that rip through you, busting joyously from somewhere within and take over your whole body - exploding in a smile that shines in your eyes and huurts your cheeks, that rushes though your chest and pumps your heart a little faster and at times extends to a clap because your hands join in before your brain has time to tell them not to make a noise.

Funnily enough, in lockdown Dispatches from Elsewhere really set that ablaze in me, a need to seek out the whimsy woven into every day life. As did my excitement and joy exploring the Prism. It was igniting something in my headspace, when nothing else was changing externally. It opened up a broad horizon while the real world I lived in got smaller. The Elves in the Eurovision movie, the delight of finding a Mows in the wild or a Boy under the Bridge in an alley. As we get more back to 'normal', I don't want to lose it. 

It's one of the best parts of being alive and it's usually free. It's an internal thing, it comes from you, from how you view the world. It's you insisting on seeing the magic, however small, and discovering that can infiltrate your life. 

 “You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life.”

― Mary Oliver

(No surprises I dragged everyone here to get a coffee from the bear in the wall in Harajuku) 

Linking with #WeekedCoffeeShare  #TellUsAbout...#FriendshipFriday  #AwwMondays, because all the pics made me go Aww in different ways!

Honey Bee

I think it's a bumble bee but the only song I know fo that is Flight of the Bumble bee and you know me and classical music...so let's get creative with facts and make a better story. 

Apologies for missing #Allseasons this week. And no comments. Normality should resume next week.

Linking with #SaturdaysCritters #WordlessWednesday #YourMoment #GardenAffair #FloralFridayFoto and #DND 

Taking a break

We only had a room with a view in one place, so this is the firey sunset in Tokyo. I really enjoyed watching the city sparkle at night. You got an idea of what a big city it is. Often, depending where we were, it felt like a little village.

School holidays is upon us and I am off to Bluesfest. I also may have to go interstate fro a funeral so I'm taking a break. Will hopefully be back to set up next week's #Allseasons, but everything  else will wait until things settle down towards the end of April.

Have a good break, remember double demrits and enjoy!

Linking with #WordlessWednesday #KeithsRamblings #WWOT #ThruMyLens #NaturesNotes #Skywatch and #HeidisHeavenlyGaze

Grief

 Decades ago I went to the funeral of a work collegue, and one of my other collegues bee lined for the spouse and exchanged some meaningful words before moving off. I remember clearly thinking "I don't know what to say at funerals, I wish I could be like that'.

The older I get, the more I seem to need to say things to bereaved people. So I stumbled across this podcast and started to give it a listen. I'm still listening, as I found my own grief with my Dad so weird. It helps you realise that whatever you feel and however you deal with it is normal.

When Dad was dying, it was really traumatic and I was trying to be strong for both him and Mum, helping her cope with all that needed to be done. By coincidence I had a lot of concerts on so I kept going and dancing away my stress. It really helped me decompress and I'd be fresh for the next day, rather than drained and depressed. After he died, I had some plays and concerts (the sitting type, not the dancing type) and I decided I'd go. I told the people I went with that if I got up and left during it, not to follow me and I'd text them that I was home safe. I didn't know how I would feel but I figured I could sit at home and watch tv and be sad in my head or I could sit in a crowd and be sad or possibly be distracted or feel something else. I genuinely didn't know at the start of the play if I'd make it to the end. I think I made my friends very nervous and uncomfortable (one even texted me when I went to the bathroom at interval to check I was still there....theatre toilet queues make it take a while) so I was probably externally pretty odd. But I guess for me, I'd cut out alcohol completely because I was scared of what uncontrollable emotions that might unleash, so this was sort of the 'relaxing, enjoyable' soothing effect that a drink might have. Something to take the edge off, you might say.

At one point my mum said 'you do need to make sure you grieve properly'. I remember thinking, sadness isn't a thing that will stop. I don't have to display sadness 24 hours a day. This is forever. I kind of think we are told how to grieve but it's not actually helpful to the griever. It's like a weird respectful display for others, but they lose interest in helping you grieve and only really notice when you aren't doing the right thing. Grief doesn't come in waves as they say, it's just constant, but the ferocity of it ebbs and returns. You're angry, you're sad, you're numb - there's no pattern or reason. Most of all, there's no timeframe.

I found I managed all the milestones in the first year with ease - I'd prepared for them but it was the unexpected attacks - the memories that were triggered out of nowhere when I would fall apart. I would actually fell like I'd been punched. I went to a concert the night before the funeral (which my husband was so uncomfortable with) and it was a really great thing to do, it was calming - I slept well but the morning of the funeral I couldn't even get dressed and I said to a friend in a text that I didn't think I could go. I was sitting on the floor naked in the bathroom and couldn't move. I probably wouldn't have gone (which obviously would have been a HUGE mistake) but the friend, who had texted at exactly the right moment said "Just take a deep breathe and I'll see you in an hour". It's funny, that basic command kind of made me start moving again. What I will say, that complete breakdown and inabillity to physically function was not about my dad. It was about me. It was me not wanting to deal with it. It was me wanting to avoid the officialness of the farewell. It was me not wanting to talk to people. I hated the funeral (there was nothing wrong with it, it just didn't help me grieve) but I did get comfort from the reception afterwards. Comfort from talking to people I hadn't seen in a long time or had never met who told me stories I didn't know or had long forgotten. 

Anyway, in the podcast (I think in ep 3 but it might have been 2), she talks about how movement is important and for some people, even dancing is part of the grieving process. How doing things you did together, no matter how small is part of the grieving process. When she said it, I thought "That's me". While I wasn't dancing, I did go to the theatre with my Dad and I had so many memories of talking about the show and making jokes in the car on the way home and dressing up for the occasion of it all. I sort of think that's why, even when I was sad, I found a kind of peace there. 

Anyway the bottom line is, if you are interested in understanding grief, this might be helpful. It makes you realise whatever you are feeling is normal, and it's weirdly positive and uplifting. If you have a bereaved friend, this will definitely give you ideas on how to be there for them.

No affiliation, and I've only listened to the first 3 and then ep 54 but so far I've found it very interesting and helpful. So this is a sort of Community Service Announcement for those that might need to hear it.

Linking with #WeekendReflection for the pictures #AnythingGoes  #TheRandom and #WWandP